Bug, Bug, Goose

I had thirteen geese.

And a coyote problem.

And over the last two years it has been the worst it's ever been. 

It got to the point where I let Wendy's Baby Daddy teach me how to shoot a 22, but it's not much good in the closet where I keep it so I don't have a gun out. 

Buddy is really good at keeping them away, but they come when he's inside in the early morning.

Buddy The Snow Dog

So I don't have ducks anymore, the chickens can no longer come and go as they please and I'm down to just one goose.

Who has bonded with me.
And my car.

I'm not kidding.

She sleeps next to the car, plays next to the car and protects the car day and night.

The only thing she loves more than the car is me.

Can you see the problem with this?

When I go outside and she want's to play and then she realizes that not ONLY are we not going to play, but I'm also taking "her" car, things get ugly in a hurry.

It's better when I have a passenger, because then someone can get out and chase her off, but if it's just me, I get this

And then, once I finally do get to the gate after a series of starts and stops and honking the horn and trying to outrun her if she does move, I get this

Talk about heart breaking.

What you can't see in these photos is the fracas going down between the pig and the dog who are totally losing it because not only am I taking the car, but there's a huge possibility of Lucille ending up a hood ornament of a 2000 Volkswagen Beetle so they're chasing each other in a frenzy of squeals and barks and howls calling in the donkeys and a few sheep while Lucille is squawking at the top of her lungs for me to stop and once I do finally make it to the other side of the gate, they all just stare at me.

When you take all that into consideration, it's easy to understand why I seldom leave home alone and when I go to the gym I feel like I've already done a full workout just getting out of my driveway.

The up side of all of this of course, is that I have the best barnyard alarm system in the country. 

Between the donkeys, dogs, pig and patio goose, I know you're here before your tires leave the pavement.

So do the neighbors.

Wyatt turned seventeen.

I only have one year left to boss him around and make him do my bidding and then he'll legally be able to ditch me.

That leaves just one year to totally brainwash and guilt trip him into staying with me forever get him ready for the world.

I've had a child companion since I was sixteen years old, and the thought of going it alone terrifies me.

Who is going to unload the dishwasher? 

Who is going to switch the clothes to the dryer? 

Who is going to take the garbage can to the road? 

Will there even be garbage, or will the just be Yoplait and Ben and Jerry's containers because I'll have to eat my emotions... 

I can't even go there.

I need to line up a good therapist now and maybe even start weekly sessions building up for what's to come.

Back to Wyatt.

I can't believe he's so grown up, and I can't even remember where the time has gone.

One day he's eating cereal at the kitchen table in his underpants and the next day

he's a junior in living room school, working a part time job in a floral warehouse and driving.

He's polite, handsome and his Dad is a total dickwad jerk who called to wish him a happy birthday and tell him that he had to move from Texas to Louisiana because "child support" was closing in on him.

Nice, call your son and tell him you split town to avoid having to contribute to his care.

Running from responsibility is the only thing that d-bag does well.

I digress, again, back to Wyatt.

Wendy and Hunter came over in the morning and we had a birthday parade of gifts and then we picked up Kiara in the afternoon and went out for a perfect birthday dinner at his favorite restaurant and had the best waiter in the entire world ever who made the occasion so over the top fun it was unbelievable!

I ate birthday cake and had a legit sugar hangover all day yesterday.

Seriously, the struggle is real.

Are you a cell phone case on or off person?

My case has to be off in order to connect Pandora to my car so it usually stays off and I can't stand it.

Some people don't like cases though, and I'm just curious who those weirdos are...