Just For Fun...

Quinn!

Super busy day today, getting ready for my nephew Quinn to come for the summer a visit! We are picking him up somewhere, I'm not sure where, Eastern Oregon I think. All I know is it's in a town I can't spell so Googling it was a real b!tch. I think it's going to be some kind of side of the road switch... My sister's friend is bringing him from Idaho and then dropping him with me. I have no idea how long he's staying or how he's getting home, and to tell the truth, the longer the better! Maybe I'll just enroll him in school with Wyatt : )

Quinn



I have to go vacuum, make beds and get to the post office, but don't forget to leave your green tips, I'll have the boys pick a winner on Monday!

Peas

Bits and Pieces

Ok, ok, ok here we go! As usual, never a dull moment here on the farm! We had a horse delivered a few days ago and along with her another horse who was going to graze down part of our pasture. Transporting our new big grey mare Ruby was the easy part to say the least... The other horse, Keno, well he was a little stressed out about the whole situation. The couple who were going to be boarding rented a truck and trailer that supposedly was a two-horse trailer but ended up only being big enough for one passenger at a time so they ended up having to make two trips. Ruby was the first drop, mission accomplished, safe on arrival. As soon as she was settled in I had to make a trip to town for a vet appointment (another story.) When we got home two hours later there was no sign of Keno in the side pasture. Hmmm... I called and asked where he was. Well, he broke through the fence and was in the big pasture with Ruby. So I went up to check on them both. I only found Ruby. She was standing there snacking, swishing her tail, happy as a clam in high tide. No Keno. I kept walking... There he was. In the cow pasture. He had gone over two more fences and looked like he had been given a bad hair cut by Edward Scissorhands. His stress level was really high. So I called Emily and told her things were not so good on the farm. They came back out, doctored him up, mended some fences, put him and Ruby together in one of the small pastures and called it a night. The next morning I was awoke at 5:00 by a still highly stressed equine. Tina and the sheep had come down and I thought we were going to have a major situation. Ruby on the other hand was just happy to be here. Sad to say, Keno had to go. They rented another trailer and took him back across town to the comfort of his own stall and turn out. I guess white trash country life just wasn't in the cards for Keno. I have decided to get some more sheep instead of leasing out the pasture to anymore horses. At least until 6 gets home.

So Ruby is a four-year old dapple grey Thoroughbred. Bee.U.Ti.Full. She is gentle, good-natured and really just want's to be your friend. Ruby's down fall is she has a genetic hip issue which prevents her from doing the kind of things a big grey mare like her would normally do. Basically she's front wheel drive instead of all wheel drive, but for around here that works just fine. Wyatt has his first lesson this morning so he can start learning the basics and is SO excited : ) He got new boots last night and wore them out of the store with his plaid graduation shorts on. It was an interesting look, kind of Britney Spears meets Pa Kettle kind of look. If I don't watch it, he'll be wearing overalls with no shirt like his Texas PeePa and MeMa. I'm not from the South so I may have just misspelled PeePa and MeMa.



About this trip to the vet... Three years ago the neighbor kept his horses in our upper pasture and they pushed one of the fences over. My Grampy told Chucky he had to get his horses out of there and couldn't bring them back until he fixed the fence. Chucky (who is forty) lives with his Sister (who is fortyish) and his Mother in a falling down shack and keeps his horses in a dirt field. Needless to say, Chucky never fixed the fence. So, I decided I would go over there and make them another offer... Fix and maintain the fence and he can use the pasture. As I turned in the driveway I saw a cat. As I drove in the driveway I saw 1647 cats. It was like a horror movie. Cats e v e r y w h e r e. Long haired cats, short-haired cat, cats with no hair, black cats, white cat, orange cats, big cats, small cats... Well, you get the idea. It was worse than anything I have ever even seen on the Discovery Channel. I guess I don't have to tell you, we left with a kitten. I did not want a kitten. I don't even really like cats. AND, this was the ugliest kitten I had ever seen, it looked like it was made out of leftover kitten parts. Huge orange head, white feet, brown body, black legs, I'm not kidding, she is homely. But of course Wyatt had to have her, and of course I can't say no. On the ride home I made Wyatt wrap her up in a towel and hold her away from his body. She had black crusties in her nose, green glue junk oozing from her eyes... Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little. As soon as we got her home I washed her and called for a vet appointment. She had to sleep in the dog crate that night because I was pretty sure she had lice. And she did. The Vet said she had never even seen feline lice, but assured us it was not transferable to people or dogs. So now our "free" kitten Pansy is all fixed up. She's on antibiotics, flea meds, and some other crazy stuff, eating real food and sleeping on a soft bed with a boy. Sometimes a girl just gets lucky. It still makes my stomach oogy every time I think about the other 1646 cats up there, oh wait, LeeAnn, Wyatt's friend went back and got two kittens so there's only 1644 cats left, so that's better. Not.



Don't forget to leave me a comment here, on facebook or in an email *fatbottomfarm@aol.com*  with your green tips... You could win some green stuff that isn't money!

To Busy To Blog

today, see you tomorrow!

Don't forget to leave a green tip comment!

Think Green!

There's another giveaway this week! This time it's all about thinking green. Leave a comment here, in an email or on facebook with your favorite "green" tip. Do you recycle? Do you use green cleaning supplies? Do you drive a hybrid or ride a bike? Tell us what you do and how you do it! Here's what I do... I recycle and have cut down on my garbage SO much that I don't even fill a can a month! Between everything I recycle and all the food scraps that I give to the critters, there's hardly anything left for the landfill. Oh, I also use the curly light bulbs : )

So here's what you'll get...

Three green cotton dishcloths.

One bar of handmade green pearberry soap.

One pack of green Orbit gum.

One green paper butterfly made by Wyatt.

And one cute green lady on a dangly spring with a hook.



And now, just to make you laugh, a picture of Wyatt at the pool. I plan on sharing this photograph again at his high school graduation and also at his wedding.

And The Winner Is...

Ginger!



Ok, we're off to the pool and while I'm gone I'll think up another giveaway!

Remember, you can't win if you don't play :)

Give Away!

After yesterday's post I got to thinking... I should SHARE some of my favorite things!

So, heres the deal. If you want a chance to try some of my favorite things, leave me a comment or send me an email with one of your favorite things. Everyone who comments will have their name thrown in a bucket and picked at random by Gimpy Wyatt on Monday morning. That means you have three days to play!

The lucky winner will receive one bottle of Melaleuca Lemon Brite dishwashing soap, a lemon yellow dishcloth made by Moi and a bar of PearBerry soap also hand crafted by Moi

Comment below or email Fatbottomfarm@aol.com



Game On!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Do you have things that you use every day and LOVE? I mean can't live without kind of love. I do.

I can't start my day off without my Mr Coffee latte. My sister has a kick ass espresso machine that I have been so envious of but to poor cheap to buy, so when I found this for 35.00 at Target I jumped on it!

In order to make my perfect latte I need vanilla soy and Costco has the BEST deal on it and it is deeelish. With the vanilla soy you don't have to use any other sweeteners or syrups which is great and makes making a latte when your still half asleep a cake walk. Mmmm, cake.

Ok, next is something that I rave about on a regular basis. If your tired of hearing me go on about it, buy some yourself and then I'll listen to you go on about it. Melaleuca makes, without a doubt in my mind the BEST dishwashing soap on the planet. Trust me. My friend Trina and my Sister are both reps, so if you need a hook-up let me know.

Now for your dishwasher. First let me tell you a super cheap and easy peasy recipe for dishwashing powder. One tablespoon of Borax and one tablespoon of baking powder. Thats it. Make it in a big batch one to one and add two Tablespoons into each load of dishes. But, to finish you dishes off with a bang, use a Jet Dry hanging basket on the top shelf. I have to wear sunglasses to unload the dishwasher.

For quick clean up's in the kitchen and bathroom I can't live without Clorox wipes. WTH did our Grandmothers do without these little sheets of joy? I'm not even kidding you, I use a cotton dishcloth in my sink that I can throw in the wash each night and these little gems that I toss in the recycle bucket and I don't EVER have to touch a germy slimy disease ridden sponge. Ever.

This may be my very most favorite modern invention. Foaming toothpaste. If you don't have it, get it. Enough said.

My next favorite thing comes with a sad story. I have been following a wonderful blog for a couple of years now and have come to consider its author a friend. She has won a number of awards, including a reader's choice best blogs in the state of Oklahoma. Georgie makes me laugh and sometimes even makes me cry, but most of all I love the kindness and sincerity of her writing. Someone, for whatever reasons known only to them has "sabotaged" her blog by reporting it to Blogger as inappropriate, which blows my mind seven ways to Sunday. Georgie is appealing this with Blogger, but in the meantime when you log in to Decisionally Challenged you will be met with the internet version of yellow caution tape. If you don't already follow Georgie on Facebook, now would be the time to start. You will be able to get updates straight from Georgie and still follow along on her journeys. Click here for Decisionally Challenged's Facebook page

Soggy Bottom

I think it snowed yesterday. It may of been hail, butI think it was snow. I think I should put my boots on and have Wyatt hold an umbrella over me while I assemble the pool. We could polar bear in July and maybe play some ice hockey over the long Labor Day weekend. We had two rain free days in a row last  week and I really thought I was going to be able to waddle out and hang a clothes line, but in this rain it would be just like sending the wash through a second rinse. Don't get me wrong, I'll complain when things dry out and get hot too, but right now I'm just sick of soggy.

So the other day I found out my ass face neighbors in the mobile spaces decided to water their lawn on the first day of no rain. I think it's a conspiracy, they're plotting against me, trying to knock me off my trailer park pedestal so they can take control and dominate the four space universe. I guess when you think about it, it is a pretty prestigious position. They also won't provide proof of insurance to me. Do you see the power play thats at stake here? This is a high risk game they're playing, winner take all, good versus evil. I have to carefully devise my plan so as not to appear weak. Should I wear my hair up or down when I take them to task and hold them accountable for the misuse of pond water? And what is proper protocol for inaccountability of insurance issues. Gloss or no gloss? Do I need to shave my legs to instill authority? Ugh, so much to think about.

Thats all.

Farm Fun!

What a crazy, action packed, fun-filled few days we have had! You know there's never a dull moment here on the farm, but the last few days have been even more exciting than most. When we left off, Wyatt had just completed his moving up ceremony at Clarkes Elementary School. Our thoughts were turning to long summer days spent splashing in the pool with friends, and also just a little anxiety about the future of a new school with more than 180 students! We have all summer to worry about a new school though so lets move on to the fun stuff!

What better way to start off summer than with a new Llama!



Meet Tina... She is a Craigslist exclusive, extra-large Suri Llama packed with personality and charm. She is however in dire need of a haircut and a manicure. Whatever, so am I. Tina's job on the farm will be to watch over the lambs that we are expecting along with providing hours of fun and entertainment. Who doesn't love watching a Llama frolic? well, she doesn't really frolic, but she does make funny noises and walks around.

Next up was farrier day for the donkeys and a visit with Wendy. We really like our farrier so I started dropping hints about how much easier it would be to trim the toes of my asses if he lived in our little house and... He jumped on the idea! He went home and got his wife and brought her back to take a look around. I think she liked it and I'm crossing my fingers they decide to move in. I spoke with the donkeys and told them to send the hoof man and his wife some positive vibes, if things worked out they could have the best looking feet in the Valley.



Now this next part you're never gonna believe... Wyatt was in the pasture taking a look at Tina when he started doing this, Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. You know how kids do when they want something, but not bad enough to get it themselves so they start hounding you endlessly to get it for them. Finally I hollered out the window "WHAT" and he said, "look at the baby skunk." Oooo.Mmmmm.Ggggg. My feet were on fire, I couldn't believe it! Wendy and I were tripping over each other as we ran out the door to see her!



We decided to name her Daisy. Sadness soon set in though as I called around to different vets offices and found out that you can't keep wild skunks as pets in Oregon, only domesticated ones. We knew we had to do the right thing for Daisy, so we called Fish and Wildlife and they told us how to try to reunite her with her Mom. We did just as they said, but Daisy wouldn't go. She loved her new pet boy and he loved her.



But as the sun began to set Daisy started to make her way back towards the barn to find her Mom. Before she disappeared into the tall grass for the last time though she turned around and gave Wyatt one last stink and a playful roll as if to say good-bye. I hope Daisy didn't get in too much trouble for spending the day with Wy and maybe someday she'll be back to play again. But if not, it sure was a day to remember ❤

Last but not least I made some new soaps! I made a batch of oatmeal, coffee, pearberry and cherry blossom and my house smells freaking fabulous! Sorta like Spring in the shower : )



If we can't have a skunk, what do you think about ferrets...

Keep On Truckin

6:30 AM. I wake up and feel terrific. I step out of bed, make myself a perfect latte' and look out onto the pasture and gaze at the beautiful morning sunshine beaming down onto the dew dropped green grass and contented cows. The rooster's crow greets the day as the black and white dog's begin their morning rounds. I have plenty of time so I decide to clean out the microwave before I prepare Wyatt's breakfast and pack his lunch. Today is the last full day of school and the last lunch I'll make for his fifth grade year. I finish my chores and go in to wake up Wy. I lay out his clothes and set the table as he brushes his teeth and gets dressed. What a perfect morning. Before long, it's time to leave for school. Wyatt and the dogs load up into the truck. I collect Wyatt's bag and my purse, load his crutches and climb in beside him. Mother F*#K%@ the F'ing Battery is dead!! Sh!t! Now what?



I tell myself not to panic. I can take the farm truck. I open the "gate" that 6 ran through when the brakes went out on the tractor two summers ago that we never got around to fixing. Now it's just sheep fencing hung from a post attached to a nail. I go up to the barn, climb in the truck and WaLa! It starts right up. Now all I have to do is drive it down and jump start the other truck. But wait. Theres a bunch of rocks and a full water trough in the way. I can't fit the F'ing truck through. Ok, no big deal. I get out of the truck, go tell Wyatt to get in the farm truck, grab his crutches, get the dogs out of the truck and put them in the house. The dogs take off down to the pasture. I start to holler at the dogs while clapping my hands and stomping my feet to get them to come back. I start crying. I quit crying. I trick the dogs with treats. I put the dogs in the house. I feel bad about lying to the dogs, turn around, go back in the house to give the dogs cheese. I get back in the truck with Wy. Wy forgot his bag in the other truck. It starts to rain. I get Wyatt's F'ing bag. I get back in truck. I drive through the pasture. I get out and open the gate. I drive through. I get out and close the gate. I drive through the next pasture, get out and open the other gate. I drive through into the mobile spaces. I get out and close the gate. After walking through thigh high wet grass in a cotton skirt and worn out Birkenstocks, I realize I'm soaking wet and slipping in my sandals. I hike up my wet skirt, get back in the truck, wave to people in the mobile spaces and drive away leaving behind a cloud of white smoke, wet hay and a shoe.



The battery charger in the garage only has one alligator clampy thing on it and I can't find the other clampy thing. It appears as though I may be driving the stupid red farm truck for a while, so if I pass you on the road and paint chips fly off and hay flies out, I apologize. Oh yeah, the speedometer doesn't work either, so if you're behind me and I'm only going 25 in a 45 you'll know why.

Update

I would love to know where time goes.. Either I'm waiting for it to pass or it flies right on past me and I have no idea how to catch up!

This week, Wyatt had another chiropractor appointment, we went to Wendy's school so he could get a hair cut, we went shopping for his graduation clothes, Shannon came and spent the day, I demolished our lawn mower, had three new sheep delivered, attended Wyatt's fifth grade graduation and saw Shreck the final chapter. Those are just the highlights. Of course there was laundry, cooking, general cleaning, grocery shopping and facebooking thrown in as well.

When we were at Target picking out clothes for Wyatt, I didn't want to embarrass him by tagging along into the dressing room with him when Shannon was with us. I let on like we were this really cool family who's all laid back and in touch with one another. You know, the kind of family that if the eleven year old kid tells the really cool mom the twenty dollar shorts fit, the cool mom believes him. You know, the kind of family that we really aren't. We're really the kind of family that try's to pull that off and then waits about twenty-eight hours to try on the twenty dollar shorts at home only to find out that the stupid shorts don't fit and then has an all out cuss filled emotional breakdown with only forty-five minutes to get to the Target that's thirty minutes away on a Sunday night before said graduation on Monday morning. Yeah, thats the kind of family we really are. All I can say is it's a good thing I didn't stop for a dry gin martini on the way to Target, I would have never made it there in time. Instead I opted for some boxed wine and a donut when I got home.



Here's another disastrous part of our trip to Target. I bought a blender so I could make blended margaritas coffee and the first time I used it, it leaked ALL over my counters and floor. I figured it was operator error, so I tried it again and it happened again! Stupid blender. I returned it and know I don't know what kind of blender to buy, but I do know one thing, I will NOT buy one of those dumb frappe' maker blenders.

The sheep we got are Katahdins (ka-ta-dins.) They are "hair" sheep instead of wool sheep so they never need to be shorn. I got two pregnant ewes and a ram so before long we will have lambs! Katahdins lamb out of season and are capable of lambing sometimes as often as twice a year and usually produce twins. They are typically a meat breed, but of course that won't be the case here. They also eat blackberry bushes which is a huge plus. Do you know at Fred Meyer the other day I saw blackerry plants for sale! Can you believe that? I could probably make a gagillion dollars as a blackberry farmer.



While mowing the lawn on Saturday I may have hit a little something.

A Little About Nothing

Wyatt is home again today. His foot is swollen up like a football and he keeps bellering out from muscle spasm's. Soaking in epsom salts and lots of massage seem to help, but setbacks are frustrating.

I have a new diet plan... Shaving my legs. I shed a few pounds just this morning.

I'm going to town to buy some Glade Tropical Rain air freshener plugins. You know, those things that make your house stink prettier than it really does. This rain is starting to get to me, so I figured at least with the scent of tropical rain wafting through the house I can trick my mind into thinking it's at least warm outside.

Why do wet dogs smell worse than dry dogs?

I'm excited to put up my clothes line. We didn't have it up last year but I'm for sure putting it up this year, I love the smell and feel of line dried clothes, ESPECIALLY sheets.

6 called from Iraq this morning to see if I've had the oil changed in the truck. Nope.

I still hate Wendy's boyfriend. He's such a loser and he treats her like sh!t. I know, everyone that knows me is rolling their eyes remembering that Jack Ass I was married to twice, but trust me, it's different when it's your kid. Obviously she didn't get the do as I say not as I do memo.

I consider housework a huge waste of time.