Post Christmas Post

Ok everybody, this is it... The last blog post of the year!!!

When everyone is home it's just to hard to sit down and get a thought out and since Wyatt is with my Mom this afternoon, I thought I would belt one out while he's gone.

We had a fantastic Christmas. Very modest, probably the smallest one I can ever remember present wise, but I'm telling you, it was so cool! I felt like the gifts we gave we gave because we felt them, not because we felt we needed to and there was never the feeling of having to shop just to have a gift to give. I gave 6 one thing, he gave me one thing, Wyatt only got a few things and they were things that were really special to him and Wendy only got a few things. I'm telling you, NO pressure and it was so refreshing!



Later in the day my Mom came out and we had an early dinner with her and then just sat around eating cupcakes and cookies and fudge and candy all day!

I'm telling you, a minimalist Christmas is where it's at for this family from now on. I think I've been so caught up in the feeling of having to out-do myself every year that I lost track of what it's really all about and it took Wendy to point it out for me...

It's about family.

Thanks Wen.



I made some castile soap yesterday and the color and scent ~ juniper breeze~ turned out SO great, I can't wait to cut it tomorrow!



This summer Kenna needs to come down and we can do a soap tutorial on the blog.

Kenna makes really beautiful soaps and is the one who taught me how to make soap!



Lets cross our fingers that kenna doesn't get angry that I jacked this photo from her Facebook shall we :)

We still don't have the falling down fence fixed and so I still have a bony old brown horse and a stubborn spotted mule in my yard. I don't mind, I like having them out there, but 6 doesn't like them in the garage.



As soon as the weather is decent and 6 is home for more than a day we'll get the fence fixed, but until then they have to stay in the yard or else they wander up in to the mobile spaces and the trailerpark people don't appreciate that too much.

Do you have any big New Years plans?

We don't.

I'll be in bed before midnight for sure but I think I'll make some more cupcakes and a nice dinner. Or maybe just cupcakes for dinner.

Do you have any resolutions?

Wyatt asked me the other day if I had any and I told him yes, to maintain the weight of a seven-foot tall man. He just shook his head and walked away. Whatever, I least I'm realistic.

Ok, I gotta go, see you next year!

Blog On The Run

It seems like every time I sit down to write a post I get sidetracked, but just because I'm not posting doesn't mean you have to miss out on the fun, you can keep up with everything farm on Fat Bottom Facebook!

Just hit "like" at the top of the page and follow along with the holiday mayhem that is sure to ensue!

Click ~HERE~ and I'll see you there!

 

Merry Christmas!

Just Five More Minutes...

Thats it.

I'm done.

No more six a.m wake ups.

We're homeschooling.

I know, I know what you're thinking... But Marilyn, haven't you always said if you were to homeschool you would major in Spongebob? Yes, I have said that, but we don't watch Spongebob anymore.

It doesn't matter how tired I am or how early I go to bed, I can never ever get to sleep before midnight and so when that stupid alarm goes off I always throw it on the floor hit snooze and then wake up to late and it's like a chinese fire drill getting out the door on time.

Well, now that I'm awake and he's on the bus maybe I won't sign him up today, and Christmas break does start on Monday, but I swear if waking up sucks this bad in January I'm doing it and you can't stop me.

There was a tornado about sixty miles south of here yesterday and they sounded the tornado alarm at school. I thought it was weird when Wyatt told me they locked them in the classroom. Is that weird or is it just me? I wonder why they lock the doors. I'll Google it.

You know what else is weird?

A tornado in Oregon.

Do you know what today is?

Fahrens Birthday!!



I stole this picture from her facebook just now and since I don't know if she'll get mad at me or not I decided not to show her face. If you could see her face though you would see how beautiful she is ♥

Fahren's Mother is not my oldest sister but she just had her birthday on Sunday and she isn't fifty. Yet. But she will be fifty before me. I just like to remind her of that. Alot.

Anyway, I love you both very much Julie and Fahren and I hope you both have a wonderful year!

Peas out.

You can't name That Tune

I remember when I found out I was going to have a baby... Both times.

In my mind I envisioned blowing raspberries on their bellies and playing piggies on their toes.

I remember the day I got them... Both of them. Those beautiful little faces, their eyes meeting mine for the first time. I remember the way they smelled and the absolute joy I felt when I held them in my arms close to my heart.

But something happens as time goes by that changes how you view your perfect little cherubs. Like douchebag boyfriends and band.

Last night was Wyatt's first band concert and my ears are still ringing from the misplayed notes of Hot Crossed Buns and a version of Jingle Bells (I think) that I'm sure even the original composer would fail to recognize.

When Wendy was in sixth grade I forbid her to be in band because I was in band and I know what those instruments sound like when they have the misfortune of being handled by middle schoolers and I remembered how torturous those performances were. Lucky for me, Wendy was the kind of kid that didn't argue or ask questions and happily signed up for choir, which still requires a mandatory Christmas performance appearance but the stakes aren't nearly as high.

But then there's Wy. The way I see it Wyatt either possesses magical powers or I've gone soft as a parent. Probably the latter. That kid has a way of getting everything and doing anything and somehow always manages to convince me he's full of great ideas... Until those great ideas have a direct negative impact on me. For instance, last summer when he decided to catch crawdaddys in the pond with hotdogs on a string and then I had to cook them when I had no idea how to cook crawdaddys and then the crawdaddys heads were full of crawdaddy eggbrains (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Or band.

I guess I'm lucky that Wyatt is obviously a clarinet prodigy because he has NEVER practiced at home. I swear I have never heard him play a note, but last night on that stage with homeless hair and a borrowed tie he belted out those songs with pride and afterwards asked if I could hear him from where I was sitting (as close to the parking lot as possible) as he beamed over his success as a blossoming musician.  So I guess I'm ok with him being musically inclined, as long as I don't have to attend another concert until he's been accepted to the Portland Symphony.

On a lighter note...   ;)

I think 6 will FINALLY be home tonight. I swear, his Mother must feel like she's hit the jackpot and he and I got a divorce and she has him home again. Most of his loads take him up north so that means layovers back home which is really a good thing because he's getting to spend time with his Mom and Maddy. Ever since we moved down here, almost five years ago, he hasn't been able to see them nearly as much as he'd like and he's missed out on so many things like birthdays (and band concerts lucky bastard) and so many other milestones that are so hard to miss. So, even though it's hard to be home alone for so long, I know it just builds my character and keeps my ass from getting to ginormous and at least we get to see him a few days a month which is better than when he was gone to Iraq. I have to say, it's really nice to miss him and not hate his guts anymore. I suppose everyone does stupid things, look at me, I've done at least five stupid things and at least two REALLY stupid things~Jack~and we all deserve a do-over. I'm really glad he's doing his so well ♡

See you tomorrow.

Tis The Season Already?

I have restarted the same load of laundry six times.

Whatever I don't care, but I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of brain disorder or if I'm just lazy. I don't think I'm lazy because I'm always doing stuff, it's just that I'm always doing stuff that I want to do and not necessarily what I need to do and what I want to do is fun up until the point that I need to do what I want to do and then I don't always want to do it anymore.

Can you believe it's almost Christmas! I have my Christmas tree up but I haven't decorated anything. 6 brought the decorations down two weeks ago but I haven't put anything out yet. It seems to soon but maybe if I start decorating it'll feel more like Christmas. What's really crazy is Wyatt isn't even talking about Christmas this year. I haven't seen any Christmas programs on T.V, I only hear Christmas music in the car, I haven't driven by any Christmas tree lots and we live in the Christmas tree capital of the world for cripes sake, it's like we're in some kind of weird holiday vortex. Maybe as the big day gets closer and maybe when 6 comes home it will seem more festive. That and I should probably start eating boxes of chocolate covered cherries and stacks of  Christmas cookies and drinking whiskey eggnogs and schnapps and hot chocolate.

Do you read PW? If you don't, you should. She made Christmas cookies last week and OMG, they make my Christmas cookies look gen.u.ine.lee trailerpark. Take a look at these...



Is that amazing! You really need to go read the whole post and see how they make these little frosted gems. I wonder if PW has a sister, because if she does I need to meet her because I think we would probably have a lot in common. My sister is a total PW except I guess you would call her an IW because she lives on an Island. She sews and cooks and cleans and has had the same husband all her life and has four kids and none of them have ever been to jail. I wonder how many times PW's sister has been married or if any of her kids have ever been to jail... Oh well, I look at it this way, what I lack in domestic ability I more than make up for in dramatic interest.

Well, thats all for today, I need to go drink eggnog and think about Christmas decorations!

After School Special

Well the whole a-hole teacher situation worked out great! I decided to use reverse psychology on him just like I do my kids and he was like putty in my hands. ACCKK... I just took my first drink of coffee and it tastes like Juan valdezs' donkey made it!

Gag.

Gross, I'll be right back.

That was a whole pot do-over.

Anyway, the principle and the counselor we fantastic and I felt like they really had Wyatt's back and were on board to get things on track to help create a less chaotic classroom environment.

You know, it's not to often anymore that I have to go out into the world and interact with people and use big words. To better understand this you have to realize that I used to be a social queen, working around people ten hours a day and loving it plus being socially involved (a busybody) with my entire downtown community. I knew what was going on with everyone, who was dating who, who was getting a divorce, who got fired, who got hired, you name it, I knew it. It was like a second full-time job for me, keeping up on everyone elses business, but on top of all that I also found time to be somewhat attractive or at least inoffensive to look at. Not so much anymore. It took me at least thirty minutes to pick out clothes to wear yesterday. I had to find pants to wear without an elastic waistband, shoes that weren't covered in mud, a bra that lifted and seperated and a shirt that didn't have food stains across the chest. When I fired up my flat iron and grabbed a brush I almost fainted over the amount of grey hair on my head and when I leaned into the mirror to get a closer look I got an eye-full of my unwaxed brow (at this point singular is correct) so I grabbed 6's razor and cut myself shaving it and had to apply a toilet paper spit wad over my left eye that I luckily remembered to remove before going into the school. Gawd, I used to be bleach blonde and height weight proportionate and now I'm a grey haired fatty frump with razor burned brows. Oh well, I guess I could always go on a diet and buy a bottle of peroxide, but I kind of like things how they are, and I really like having ice cream for breakfast and pancakes for dinner.

Ugh.

The cow man commeth.

Goodbye pain in the ass cows that have caused me so much grief the past twelve months.

Buddy will miss you.



I have to go make slippers.

See you tommorow.

Oh yeah, one more thing, remember to click on the Facebook box over there on the right. I'm going to quit posting blog updates on my personal page soon (Susan, just hit like and your in) and I don't want you to be left behind :)

Deep Thoughts

Last night I watched the movie Bruce Almighty. I loved it, and I really loved that Morgan Freeman played God, and I really really loved that he played God before he got all the weird spots on his face (Morgan Freeman not God.) You know the part when Jim Carey starts hearing everyone's prayers all at once and the sound of everyone's voice starts freaking him out? Sometimes that happens to me. I don't hear people's prayers, but I get so many thoughts running through my head that it starts to drive me nuts, and my problem is, they aren't all happy thoughts about eating salted caramel and taking naps, they're doomy thoughts like, well here's an example... I get so caught up about Wendy and her douchebagboyfriend that I don't just think about what I think is going wrong in her life right now, but I think about how bad things could get for her in the future and then I start worrying about who's going to take care of the baby (that she doesn't have) and what if she can't get a job and who's going to drive her to the prison on visiting day to see the douchebag after he knocked over a liquor store because she doesn't have a car that runs and even if the car did run she probably doesn't have gas money and will I watch the baby when she goes to the prison or will the douchebags family watch the baby and if the baby stays with them will they smoke around her (I think the baby's a her) and I know they have guns in the house, and probably loaded bear traps too and what if she gets pulled over for speeding and doesn't have insurance and goes to jail and then Hazel (the baby) ends up being a ward of the state. At the same time that I'm having those thoughts about Wendy, I'm also thinking about my favorite peacock that was eaten by owls two nights ago and how if I could go back in time and lock the door to the pen maybe the peacock wouldn't have come outside during the night and maybe if I had put up one of those creepy plastic owls the owl wouldn't have gone near the coop and maybe if I had put a radio in the coop the owl wouldn't have been down there in the first place but then I wonder if birds can sleep with the radio on and then I get mad at myself because I never remember to turn the T.V off before I go to sleep.

These are just last nights thoughts, and trust me it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist.

I have a conference with Wyatt's teacher tomorrow.

Actually, I have a conference with Wyatt's teacher, the principle and the counselor because Mr Griffin is such a boob and Wyatt's classroom is more like the WWF than it is a group of kids sitting around in short chairs soaking up knowledge paid for with our hard-earned tax dollars. When I call to talk about the issues I'm having I always get the same answer, "there's problems in that classroom this year, but we're working on it." Listen, Wyatt is far from being the perfect student, but he's always gotten along well with his teachers and held his own academically. This year? Not so much. There is so much chaos going on in the classroom that even if Wyatt goes to Mr G for help he gets the brush off. I have sent emails about my concerns and received replies that were SO defensive you would have thought I was accusing the guy of a federal offense. Two weeks ago, after being ignored so many times, Wyatt flat-out asked Mr G if he hated him and his reply was, "do I have to answer that Wyatt." Are you kidding me? WTF? This guy is not only a nimrod, he's a nimrod who is having a negative impact on my kids education and I have real problems with that. So my question is, what kind of response should I expect to get from the school. What would be appropriate action from them when there is a classroom so out of control that there is actual physical altercations going on and so much chaos that the teacher has lost control of his students and is unable to provide a productive learning environment.

I need your answers in essay form no later than tomorrow morning 8:00 A.M.

Have a good day, you're all dismissed.

Post Holiday Update

Hello.... Is anyone still here?

The only excuse I have for not blogging for a week (or more) is, well, I don't have one.

Thanksgiving was quiet and uneventful, the only crisis was that I forgot the mashed potatoes. Can you believe that? Who forgets the mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving? Me. I got lucky though and had an old box of instant so all things considered dinner was a success.

Wendy was with her douchebag boyfriend and his family so we were all sad she wasn't here with us but thats how it goes and thats all I have to say about that.

Right after Thanksgiving I got a big Etsy order for slippers so I was crocheting until my fingers bled ached to get it finished. Sometimes I wonder if I should even sell on Etsy because I get terrible shippers remorse as soon as I leave the post office. What if they get their stuff and HATE it and think "what kind of bozo sells this shit" I mean really, you never know. I made Tiffany a hat and shipped it off to her and then she posted a picture of herself wearing it and all I could think was that I made a grey bucket not a hat. It fit my giant head, but it looked pretty big on her. {Tiff you can always send it back and I'll size it up a bit} So now I'm suffering from slipper shipper anxiety and wondering if some woman in Canada is staring at a giant box of slippers wondering what the hell she got herself into. I wonder if there's some kind of crafters disorder that I suffer from and need to seek treatment for. I wonder if there's medication for it. Probably not.

I have a bunch of soap I need to label and send out the first of next week, maybe I'll toss back some xanax and gin before I do.

I made a Fat Bottom Facebook page and posted the link over there to the right. From now on I'm only going to be posting blog updates there because I don't want to blog bombard the people who don't read it. It will also have the links to my Etsy and Twitter so if you happen to be a farm fan that's where you'll find all things farm from now until forever.

6 just called. He won't be home this weekend. This new job is great, but I miss having him home to do the jobs I don't like doing. Like the dishes. And laundry. And anything heavy dirty or gross.

The Bad Baby Buddy got in the pasture and escaped out the other side into the mobile spaces and chased one of the trailer people's cat and caught it and tried to eat it yesterday. Why would he do that? He doesn't chase our cats. I read online that dogs are prey driven animals and if something lives in their house it isn't prey but if it's outside it is. I don't understand, but for now Buddy is imprisoned in the house until 6 fixes the hole in the fence.

He. Is. Driving. Me. Crazy.

Wyatt's teacher is causing us huge amounts of grief and I'm going to tell you all about it Monday so get ready with you best what to do when your kids teacher is an a-hole advice.

Thank You.

Oh, one more thing... I think I have an ulcer from too much ibuprofen. It KILLS. I've tried Prevacid and it didn't help. Any suggestions?