Better Late Than Never...

So I promised a good black and white dog story last week and then fell off the planet, but I didn't forget. I couldn't forget. We're still living the story...

It happened last Wednesday night as we were getting ready for the Idol finale. We had our snacks, our refreshments and our blankets and it was almost time to fire up the DVR so we could watch the show in it's entirety commercial free. All that was left to do was let the dogs out for the last time of the night. Buddy was first out the door with Pooter lolly gagging behind. Bart was being a ninny and decided to stay inside. Nobody knew at the time it would be the best decision he would ever make. Buddy took a right out the door and started towards the little house when Pooter had a sudden change of heart and came back in. As I looked up to see Pooter coming back in the house my eye caught sight of a big fat skunk "high tailing" it past the door with Buddy hot on his trail. Before I had time to think or run and close the door Buddy let out a yelp and came racing in the house trying to outrun the stench that had just be unleashed on him, rounded the corner, down the hall and under my bed. Everything inside and out had been gassed by the noxious odor of that big fat stinky skunk. Now, some could quite possibly see this as my fault as I have been know to every now and again leave treats out for the skunks. I do it as an offering, a type of deal I have mentally made with the skunks. I leave them snacks in hopes they will take kindly to me and spray their stink else where. What I didn't take into consideration was Buddy throwing a wrench into the works and break our peace treaty by chasing their King. Thanks a lot Buddy. The smell around this place was enough to make you choke for the days that followed, but the worst part was when I decided to vacuum the next day. You see Bart is a maniac when it comes to the vacuum cleaner so whenever I drag it out I have to put Bart in the truck first. If Bart gets in the truck Buddy has to get in the truck because gawd forbid Bart gets to go for a ride and Buddy doesn't. So both dog's got in the truck. It was raining so I only cracked the windows. I vacuumed and then got caught up watching Oprah and forgot the boy's in the truck for the next thirty minutes. O.M.G. I opened the door and was BLASTED with the smell of dog breath and skunk! Trust me, it's a scent you'll never get from a Yankee Candle. As the days have passed, the smell has wavered and now I only smell him when he's curled up on the bed at night, so I just sleep with the fan on.

So that's my black and white dog story and with any luck, my last skunk story of the season

Doctors Schmoctors

I am SO frustrated! This whole doctor business is getting me down and when I think about all the money we've spent and all the time Wyatt has missed from school it's enough to get my panties in a knot. The money grubber doctor we saw yesterday is of the same mindset as the rheumatologist we saw a month ago. He wants to start Wyatt in their "special" physical therapy program at the hospital. He diagnosed it as RND which is apparently a disorder only recognized by a small number of doctors all trained under the same physician who discovered it. Convenient huh? So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to sign us both up for the fat lady senior citizen water aerobics class at the pool. Low impact stretching right? Right. I'm going to buy one of those pedicure tubs and soak his foot and massage and stretch the tendons every night. He's just going to have work his way back to where he was. No hospitals, no scammers doctors, we can do it ourselves. I wonder if insurance would be willing to pay me a few hundred dollars an hour... Maybe if I explained to them how much money I'm saving them in the long run they would at least consider it. Here's the deal. I have seen the x-rays and I know there is no break or fracture. His bones are ok. He has very limited circulation in that foot, but they say it is from lack of movement. We can take care of that ourselves. Maybe I can come up with my own white trash treatment plan and have doctors refer their patients to me. Stretching would consist of weed eating and edging along the fence line. Muscle development would come from unloading feed sacks and rooster wrangling, and I could let people pet the donkeys and sit criss cross applesauce in the pasture with the goats and call it meditation therapy.  I would call it Body and Soul Rehabilitation or B.S Rehab for short. I think I'm on to something. Do you think I could get away with a "getting in touch with your aggression" therapy and have people "work" through their emotions by cleaning out the chicken coop? If someone really has issues they can clean out the pig house. I could start a "shock water" therapy class in the pond that would work you through your fears. Fear of getting caught up in old tree snags and the patio umbrella that blew in there twenty years ago.

Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'm having a sleepover with some friends. Well, technically they're Wyatt's friends and it's really just one friend but I'll still make them sing to me and I won't have to share my box of wine with them and after they go to bed I can finish off the cake by myself. I decided to give myself Weight Watchers this year because I'm tired of being a big fat fatty and then maybe for Christmas I'll be tall and thin and get myself a boob job. A girl can dream... Can't she?

Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story about a black and white dog and a skunk.

Another Day Another Doctor

Today is another doctor day for Wyatt. A pediatric orthopedic surgeon. I think we should have been seen last week, but no one ever called us to schedule, so when the office called yesterday to make him an appointment in mid June the receptionist asked what he was being seen for. Since we don't have a diagnosis she asked if he was "weight bearing" and I said no and she said "we'll see you tomorrow." Funny how that works.  I wonder if would work at the Lady Parts Doctor. Try it sometime, if they tell you the doctor is booked out two weeks tell them your not "weight bearing" and see if they get you in for that pap any sooner.

Wyatt really enjoyed being back in school yesterday. He said he got pretty tired and ended up taking a nap on the cot in the storage closet nurses room during lunch recess, but other than that he had a great time. I picked him up after school and took him to a late lunch early dinner at his favorite restaurant and he thought that was great. He's home today because the entire fifth grade (I think all sixty or so of them) are going to a concert at the high school. Since he can't do buses or stairs and has an appointment this afternoon he bagged out of school today but is super excited to go back tomorrow.

Did you watch American Idol last night? I love both Lee and Dreads, but I have really been pulling for Lee to win. Last night changed everything when Dreads pulled out three FABULOUS performances. I'm pretty sure she's a shoe in to win!

Ummmm... I ordered my birthday present yesterday and it should be here sometime this week. 6 and the kids are going to be so happy they got me something SO great. I was SO surprised when I ordered it for myself from them and really touched by their thoughtfulness. I don't want to tell them what it is though because I really want it to be a surprise. I will give a hint though, it's two and it's blue. I'll be sure and post pictures as soon as it arrives.

A Day Without Wy

Do you hear that? It's the refrigerator. Nothing else, just the refrigerator. No cartoons, no Mom I needs, no Mom will yous. Nothing, silence. I don't know if I like it.

Wyatt went back to school today and he was so excited and I was so excited and maybe a little bit worried and maybe kind of sad, but mostly happy for him that he will be with his friends. I talked to his teacher a little and she said that he had finished all of his testing before he became incapacitated and he is for sure moving on to the sixth grade. That was a huge relief for both of us. She said she didn't really want to go back through the lesson plans to get make up work for him but told me they had been studying Oregon History and geography so I think I'll check out some books and see if I can find some videos on Oregon History. Isn't there a video game about the Oregon Trail? I think there is. Learning at it's finest... Through video games.

Wyatt and I tried to watch almost an entire season of lost on Sunday to prepare for the finale on Sunday night but fell short of our goal. We haven't been watching since the beginning but have watched up to season six on Netflix Wii and then we were getting all of season six on Hulu. I'm glad we did it that way because we have never had to wait a week or or a summer to find out what happens next, but it has been a full-time job making sure we don't find out what happens in the final episode before we watch it ourselves. I liken it to trying NOT to find out who won the Super Bowl for a week after the game. So whatever you do DON'T tell me anything!

I had Buddy to the vet yesterday, I think he has something stuck in his nose. Grass maybe. Does anyone from the nail shop days remember Blond Connie? She had a Bichon Frise named Comet that got a pine needle lodged up his nose and then blew it out like a month later all snotty oogy gross. I don't want some groddy snot ball on the rug, plus the fact that he's turned into a mouth breather because his nose is plugged so thats why I took him in. They prescribed antibiotics hoping that will take care of it and if not, they have to "scope" him.

I know everyone probably saw this picture and these videos on facebook, but I'm posting them again just because I can. The chicken video is of Wendy trying to look at Fracks "babies" that are really just rocks, but Frack gets really mad at Wendy and starts pecking her. Funny.

This is Buddy "herding" the cows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc-XHyPaswQ

And this is Wendy and Frack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAcMnDEhOQ

I hate my "cakle." I swear, is there anything worse than the sound of your own voice!

And this is just a picture after the rain...

Please Hold

We'll be getting "Lost" all day today, so if anybody needs us please wait until tomorrow!

Photo's courtesy of  Cake Wrecks!

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Random...

What a day! Started off meeting Carlos the landscaper in the POURING down rain. Carlos will be doing my edging and weed eating twice a month and mobile spaces maintenance once a month. That is a very good thing. He also said he will set the pool for me when the time comes. Then I got all of my paperwork finished for everyone in the mobile spaces including the lease for the new family moving in. Then Wy and I went to Five Guys Burgers and Fries for lunch. Yum-E. Then we returned the wheelchair that he had been using. Then we went to the glasses store where I returned those stupid progressive bifocals and ordered regular lenses. Then we didn't go to Costco because I forgot all the bad stuff that I got last time that they told me to put in the freezer until I came in again. Then we went grocery shopping. Then we went to the post office and mailed a bunch of junk. Can you even believe I got all that done the same day that Google decided to post Pac-Man on their page?

Let me tell you about the coolest thing that happened today. On our way to town I stopped to check the mail and found a card for Wyatt. It was a get well card signed by every guy in 6's unit in Iraq.

I. Could. Not. Believe. It.

Wyatt was absolutely beside himself and in total disbelief that people he had never met cared enough to send him something. He read the card the whole way to town and back. I guarantee he will treasure that card the rest of his life. Or until he loses it. Just kidding, he won't lose it. For a while anyway. KIDDING.

My fat lady summer clothes arrived today too! I finally broke down and decided I will never be tall and thin again so I might as well get some clothes that don't make me look like a bratwurst. I would rather be fat in clothes that fit as opposed to fat in clothes that used to fit. As far as fatty clothes go, their pretty cute. A couple skirts, two pairs of capris and some cute tent tanks.

Ok, thats enough, I have to go play Pac-Man.

Oogy

Oh  my gawd... I have had the worst reaction to one of my medications today. I'm supposed to take Neurontin for my headaches three times a day, but when our insurance ran out I cut back to once a day because it is SO expensive. Now that we have insurance again I decided I better work my way back up to my regular dosage. This morning I got up, took my pill, made my latte, read my email, lost me equilibrium, almost fell off my chair onto the floor, crawled to my bed on what felt like the ceiling, closed my eyes and hung on for the next four hours. I hate it when that happens.

Then, if that wasn't bad enough as I'm laying there holding on for dear life, Bart and Buddy run in the bedroom, Bart jumps up on the bed and is covered tip to tail in cow sh!t. I guess it's a good thing he loves water because I had to hose him down for at least five minutes. I was on my knees, hanging on to the hose spigot trying not to fall over washing the dog with my eyes closed.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now, but I still have to close my eyes to turn my head and I'm pretty sick to my stomach. Sooo... I think I'm going back to bed now. See ya tomorrow.

Just Stuff

Ahhh... A beautiful day to mow the lawn. Not really. Is there ever really a good day to mow the lawn? I thought not. After I'm done with the lawn I get to vacuum and it seems like I have almost as much carpet as I do grass, except vacuuming means having to clean the stupid thing (vacuum) out too. Gag. I think that's the only downfall of dogs, and springtime is the worst. I really want hard wood floors... No wait, I want concrete floors that I can use a leaf blower to clean. That would be SO great! I think you could paint it to have some really cool looking finish and use a leaf blower to sweep and a pressure washer to mop. OMG, I think I'm on to something! Picture me wearing safety goggles and ear protectors cleaning the house...

American Idol... This is what I think, Casey for sure goes home tonight. I think Lee is on fire, I mean smokin! And, I think he has a good chance of pulling ahead of Dreads, which up until last night I didn't think he could do. I thought Dreads was in it to win it and would leave everyone else in the dust. Now I'm not so sure.

General Hospital is so dumb now I can't even watch it. It is nothing but stupid stress and I have enough of that going on. They don't even have a good story line. How dumb.

Ok, I can't think of anything else so now blogging has turned into procrastination...

Ummm... I got two really cute bras at the fat lady store last week! One is black and one is kind of a beigy taupey tan. If you ask me, there's nothing better than a new bra. Well, maybe maple bars. It's a toss up. Maple bars or new bras? I guess if you eat too many maple bars you have to get new bra's because you get to big for the bras you have, so really you can have your cake and eat it to. Or in this case it would be maple bars and bras. How would you say that? You can have your maple bars and bras too. No, that's not right. How about, You can wear you new maple bars and eat them too. No, still not right.Ummm, You can eat you bras and wear you bars. No, now I'm just getting confused.Oh well, you know what I'm getting at... Eat more bars get more bras!

After the whole bra thing I'm not even going to start on my new glasses. I'll just say this... I'm taking them back to have the stupid bifocals taken out. I've felt drunk all week and I walk around with my hands out in front of me and take super high steps because I feel like I'm falling off a log. I even talk like a stooge when I wear them, because I feel like I have to balance. I'm at the grocery store and the lady say's"would you like cash back" and I have to focus my eyes, take a deep breath, balance and say "uhhhh... no....thankyou"How dumb. I'm taking them back.

We Have Water!

The continuing saga of the outside pond water has come to a happy ending! Last year during the freeze we shut down the pump to the pond that supplies all the outside water for the farm and the mobile spaces. The plan was to turn it back on in the spring after the fear of another freeze was gone but in plenty of time for everyone to start watering their gardens. 6 disconnected the pump at the wire box thingy so nobody would slink into the barn and flip the switch to get water until the all the lines checked out and we repaired all of our leaky outdoor faucets. Of course I don't have to tell you what happened next... As soon as 6 left for Iraq the know it all "Assh@le" in the mobile spaces went in to hook it up and screwed up all the wires and almost burned out the pump. So, the pump guys have been here two days in a row fixing everything and now we have water again. I'm not telling anyone in the mobile spaces until the first of June though. I can be spiteful like that.

Wyatt seems to be improving every day no thanks to any of the doctors and even starting to walk a little without his crutches. He walked up AND down the stairs yesterday, squeeling, but all on his own. He is taking 250mg of Neurontin three times a day and 500 mg of Naproxen twice a day with fish oil thrown in three times a day just to keep his joints good and greasy. He really wants to be able to go back to school and walk with his class for his fifth grade graduation, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Wendy was out yesterday and cut my hair!! It's beautiful, and she has so much confidence, you would never know she was still in school. I guess growing up in the "business" has really paid off, she has the ease and chatter of an old school hairdresser. I would love it if someday she opened up and wash and set salon and spent her days doing blue rinses and comb outs. Wouldn't that be great! She could serve weak coffee and dish the best gossip in town. Maybe I need to talk to her about this...

Thats all for today, tune in tomorrow for another episode of  Fat Bottoms On The Farm!

Hair and Nails

Wendy is home today! She is going to give me a haircut, the first one in two years... Can anyone who knows me even believe I haven't had a haircut in two years or that I have had my natural hair color for almost FIVE years! Amazing. For anyone who doesn't know me, I started bleaching my hair platinum blond when I was about thirteen and usually had a chin length bob with crazy hot roller curls. Very cute. Throw in some red lipstick and thick black liquid eyeliner and that explains how I got all those husbands! Now it's long brown hair with grey streaks held back in clip and chicken poop on my lips. Seriously, chicken poop ~click~.

Ok, Wendy and I are going to attempt to trim Coconuts nails. Wish us luck, and if there's any blood shed (ours) I'll post some pictures, and I'll post some pictures of the before and after hair affair too.

Some Bunny To Love

We got our new gently used bunny Coconut today!! She came with a nice hutch, a huge bag of feed and all of her other worldly bunny belongings. The little girl who had her was allergic so they had to re-home her. The rabbit not the little girl...And here's a picture of Carlos ♥

Pretty cute huh.

Beautiful Day

The sun is out again today which means I don't have the excuse to stay inside and eat bon bons... Oh well, fresh air and hard work never killed anybody. I don't think.

I need to go into town and pick up feed for the menagerie and groceries for us, swing by the bank, make a farm deposit and a bunny money withdrawal. We found a bunny, hutch included to be a friend for Carlos on Craigslist, and you know what they say, every bunny needs some bunny. Then I need to stop for some mower gas and start the never ending job of mowing the grass. Maybe I should invest in a troop of bunnies and let them do all the work.

Wyatt is outside this morning but hurting pretty bad. He is taking Neurontin again three times a day and I'm crossing my fingers it helps.

I haven't seen or heard the calves yet this morning, I hope we weren't hit up by a marauding gang of cow rustlers during the night.

Another New Blog...

I decided to take the leap to WordPress and I am SO glad I did! The format is so much better than Blogger, I wish I would have made the change a long time ago. Now I kind of feel bad for encouraging everyone to start a blog on Blogger.

Nothing has changed much with Wyatt. They discovered that he has limited blood supply to his right foot, but not sure why. I am waiting to get a phone call from scheduling with a new pediatric orthopedic.

We have five new calves in the lower pasture and they are so fun to watch. They make SO much noise, which I love, because I can't stand the neighbors and anything that could possibly irritate them is music to my ears.

Ok, it's taken me over an hour to write this much, I'm going to bed.

Ciao'