Bug, Bug, Goose

I had thirteen geese.

And a coyote problem.

And over the last two years it has been the worst it's ever been. 

It got to the point where I let Wendy's Baby Daddy teach me how to shoot a 22, but it's not much good in the closet where I keep it so I don't have a gun out. 

Buddy is really good at keeping them away, but they come when he's inside in the early morning.

Buddy The Snow Dog

So I don't have ducks anymore, the chickens can no longer come and go as they please and I'm down to just one goose.

Who has bonded with me.
And my car.

I'm not kidding.

She sleeps next to the car, plays next to the car and protects the car day and night.

The only thing she loves more than the car is me.

Can you see the problem with this?

When I go outside and she want's to play and then she realizes that not ONLY are we not going to play, but I'm also taking "her" car, things get ugly in a hurry.

It's better when I have a passenger, because then someone can get out and chase her off, but if it's just me, I get this

And then, once I finally do get to the gate after a series of starts and stops and honking the horn and trying to outrun her if she does move, I get this

Talk about heart breaking.

What you can't see in these photos is the fracas going down between the pig and the dog who are totally losing it because not only am I taking the car, but there's a huge possibility of Lucille ending up a hood ornament of a 2000 Volkswagen Beetle so they're chasing each other in a frenzy of squeals and barks and howls calling in the donkeys and a few sheep while Lucille is squawking at the top of her lungs for me to stop and once I do finally make it to the other side of the gate, they all just stare at me.

When you take all that into consideration, it's easy to understand why I seldom leave home alone and when I go to the gym I feel like I've already done a full workout just getting out of my driveway.

The up side of all of this of course, is that I have the best barnyard alarm system in the country. 

Between the donkeys, dogs, pig and patio goose, I know you're here before your tires leave the pavement.

So do the neighbors.

Wyatt turned seventeen.

I only have one year left to boss him around and make him do my bidding and then he'll legally be able to ditch me.

That leaves just one year to totally brainwash and guilt trip him into staying with me forever get him ready for the world.

I've had a child companion since I was sixteen years old, and the thought of going it alone terrifies me.

Who is going to unload the dishwasher? 

Who is going to switch the clothes to the dryer? 

Who is going to take the garbage can to the road? 

Will there even be garbage, or will the just be Yoplait and Ben and Jerry's containers because I'll have to eat my emotions... 

I can't even go there.

I need to line up a good therapist now and maybe even start weekly sessions building up for what's to come.

Back to Wyatt.

I can't believe he's so grown up, and I can't even remember where the time has gone.

One day he's eating cereal at the kitchen table in his underpants and the next day

he's a junior in living room school, working a part time job in a floral warehouse and driving.

He's polite, handsome and his Dad is a total dickwad jerk who called to wish him a happy birthday and tell him that he had to move from Texas to Louisiana because "child support" was closing in on him.

Nice, call your son and tell him you split town to avoid having to contribute to his care.

Running from responsibility is the only thing that d-bag does well.

I digress, again, back to Wyatt.

Wendy and Hunter came over in the morning and we had a birthday parade of gifts and then we picked up Kiara in the afternoon and went out for a perfect birthday dinner at his favorite restaurant and had the best waiter in the entire world ever who made the occasion so over the top fun it was unbelievable!

I ate birthday cake and had a legit sugar hangover all day yesterday.

Seriously, the struggle is real.

Are you a cell phone case on or off person?

My case has to be off in order to connect Pandora to my car so it usually stays off and I can't stand it.

Some people don't like cases though, and I'm just curious who those weirdos are...

Happy Days

Sorry I missed you yesterday, Wendy surprised us at 6:15 in the morning.
Wyatt was just getting ready to head out to the bus when the dogs went bananas and Wendy bounded through the door!
What a great surprise and I'm sure I don't need to tell you that of course Wyatt did NOT want to go to school if his sister was going to be spending the day, but I kicked his butt out the door anyway.

I guess the douchebag actually has a job and it's somewhere down the highway past our house and that's why he dropped her off so early.
Wendy say's he's a rigging repairman, but I can assure you I wouldn't want any rigging on my job site that that sfb (sh!t for brains) worked on and anyway I'm sure he's nothing more than a glorified gopher.
No offense to gophers.
But I'm not going to say anything bad about that waste of breathe today because this is all about the good time we had yesterday.

What contributed to our super fun day yesterday was this...

This is Judy.

She's a surprise sheep :)

Her mother is one of the 100 year old ewes that my Grampy had and there are only four of them left.
I guess Dan the Ram took a fancy to one of those old girls and look what they made.

A little Judy ❤

That ewe is so old we were surprised she was even able to carry her and let me tell you, she is one little teeny tiny lamb.

We watched them together for quite a while and then decided we needed to load her up and bring her down and make her a spot in the recovery room with Pepper.

We mixed her up a bottle and made her a nice warm bed and she settled right in

 Wendy is the one that chose the name Judy.
Wyatt and I had decided on Blossom after Wyatt had told me she was a he and we had named him Shaun, but then Wen came out and said we needed to name her Judy since Grampy loved Judge Judy and since she was going to be carrying the lineage of GPK sheep she needed to be named in honor of him.

She's a good eater...

And she's sooooo sweet

In Other News

I think you should probably be sitting down for this.

Today I received child support from that Jackass 4&5!

{Wyatts Dad}

That M'r F'r called on Saturday to tell me that his Captain on the boat he fished last summer paid the money out of his own pocket because the state was so far up his a$$ about paying and threatening him with an audit.

Like that was my fault.

Keep in mind this is the first time we've heard from him since July.

And he's NINE years behind in child support.

He played the injured party card and yelled at me and told me what a terrible person I was for making his boss pay all that money and he hoped I was happy. 

I told him the only thing that could make me any happier was if he were to be hit by a bus.

Then he asked to speak to Wyatt and that's when sh!t really hit the fan!

Wyatt was so calm and so cool and in no uncertain terms told that Jackass just what he thought of him.

He asked him if he knew when his birthday was and of course Jack didn't know and when Wyatt asked if he even knew how old he was that idiot said fourteen!

Wyatt is eleven.

Oh well, at least we got something.

I'm taking Wyatt to Toys-R-Us this afternoon after school to get a new Bionicle to celebrate our financial windfall.

I'm sure it will be the last we see for awhile.

Today I'm making candles.

Life is good.

Peas.

School, Soap And Some Other Stuff

Ahhhh, thats more like it.
The house is quiet again, but I guess it's always quiet in the house before the sun comes up, so I really won't get the full effect of School being back in session until around 10:00 and by then I'll be missing him so really, I can't win.
My favorite days of school are the first days back after a long break.
You know like summer and winter, because there's always new clothes involved and for those first sweet few days my child doesn't look like an orphan.
His hair is cut, his clothes are clean and fit him reasonably well and he smells good.
Speaking of smelling, remember the Axe attack of last spring... Thank gawd that's over.
Of course it's over after investing at least a full months salary into having my son smell like a guatemalan whorehouse, but hey, so long as it's over I'm not complaining.
Maybe that's what I should do with all my spare time, start an Axe awareness group for new mothers of tweens.
You know, just be there to comfort and support them, teach them the art of Ben Gay under the nostrils and how to borrow from your child's college fund to support his Axe habit.
I think I'm on to something here...

Today is the day that I officially begin to consider the idea of taking down the Christmas crap.
I know, I'll feel better once it's done, clean space, it's like a new house blah blah blah I know I've been reading it on every blog.
How after putting away the holiday decor everyone suddenly feels so renewed which I find interesting considering how wonderful and full of love and warmth everyone felt last month after putting all thissh!t out.
I'll let you in on a little secret, my house wasn't very clean before Christmas and it won't be very clean after I box all this stuff up.
Thats just how I roll.

I'm crocheting headband earwarmer things.
So far I think they're pretty cool.
I'll post a picture when I'm finished.
They're super simple. Like me. : )

I made bengal spice soap with a smidge of cinnamon yesterday.
I'm excited to cut it and see if the cinnamon line through the center turned out like I planned.
It's colored and scented with tea so it has a very light "organiky" feel to it.
I'll just go cut it, hang on a sec....

Ok, I'm back and the soap turned out great!

The scent is so light it's almost unscented, so if your a no fru fru kinda soap lover this is right up your alley!

Ok, that's all for now.

See you tomorrow.

Peas.

Ramblings...

Um, I think it was yesterday that I said our year was off to a great start.
I spoke to soon.
We lost Timber yesterday and I now believe it was a parasite carried by white tail deer that hit both Tina and Timber. I found them both laying in the same position within a month from one another.
My heart is broken beyond words.
I can't talk about it anymore.

Wyatt goes back to school tomorrow and even though I love having him home, he also kind of sort of drives me nuts.
Today we will spend the day crafting together and maybe make a cupcake casserole and finish off his last day of freedom with Hamburger Helper (gag) for dinner.
He'll eat it, not me.
It's his last box of Christmas Hamburger Helper and he has loved each box more than the box before. (gag)

I think I'll make some soap today and maybe start a rug.
I need to do something to keep my mind occupied because if I don't I start bawling just like I'm doing now because I'm talking about it after I said I wouldn't talk about it.

6 is on his way home from the frozen north and should be able to spend at least one day at home this weekend.
I start thinking of all the projects we can get done in a short amount of time the minute he tells me he's coming home.
This weekend I think we need to tackle the big burn piles left over from when we had some hazard trees taken down in the mobile spaces.

I really wish he could get a week off and that we had a bazillion dollars so we could do something about the falling down barn.
It's not one of those cool old falling down barns, it's just a mid century fixer upper that has past fixer upper stage and gone straight to falling down stage.

I have to say, I'm really happy to be back on Blogger.
I missed my updating blogroll and love feeling like part of a blogging community again.
A friend of mine just started a knitting blog, Grammie Vee's Knitting and I'm so glad she chose to do it here.
If you love to knit or crochet you will love her blog, go check it out!

A Little Off The Top

Ahhh.... So far the year is off to a great start.
I guess I should think about taking the Christmas decorations down, but we put them all up so late it seems to soon to take them down.
I think I'll leave them up until someone complains.

Wyatt and I went to town last night to finish off a few of his gift cards and I decided that since I had him captive in the truck and I was also the keeper of the cash I could make a few demands with a pretty high possibility of having them met.
But I also knew my window of opportunity was small so it was go big or go home.
I threw out the gauntlet.

It was time for a haircut.

Stronger men had gone before me and failed.
6 took him in before Christmas and Wyatt walked away with no more than a Bieber trim.
They may as well have thrown fifteen dollars out the window and backed over it because other than a slight feather the results were unnoticeable.

Wyatt was the victor of that round.

But I would not go down easy.
It was either a full on fade with a number five guard or nothing.
He accepted my challenge.
No deal.
He would sacrifice the cash and go home.
But by that time I was already in town and with the new nine cent gas tax the stakes were to high to turn around.
I threw in a #1 at Little Ceasers.
The seven dollar large pepperoni and breadstick combo, but I had to promise we could eat it in the parking lot.
Deal.

We went from this...

To this...

Yes, the New Year is off to a good start indeed.

Peas.

Just Five More Minutes...

Thats it.

I'm done.

No more six a.m wake ups.

We're homeschooling.

I know, I know what you're thinking... But Marilyn, haven't you always said if you were to homeschool you would major in Spongebob? Yes, I have said that, but we don't watch Spongebob anymore.

It doesn't matter how tired I am or how early I go to bed, I can never ever get to sleep before midnight and so when that stupid alarm goes off I always throw it on the floor hit snooze and then wake up to late and it's like a chinese fire drill getting out the door on time.

Well, now that I'm awake and he's on the bus maybe I won't sign him up today, and Christmas break does start on Monday, but I swear if waking up sucks this bad in January I'm doing it and you can't stop me.

There was a tornado about sixty miles south of here yesterday and they sounded the tornado alarm at school. I thought it was weird when Wyatt told me they locked them in the classroom. Is that weird or is it just me? I wonder why they lock the doors. I'll Google it.

You know what else is weird?

A tornado in Oregon.

Do you know what today is?

Fahrens Birthday!!



I stole this picture from her facebook just now and since I don't know if she'll get mad at me or not I decided not to show her face. If you could see her face though you would see how beautiful she is ♥

Fahren's Mother is not my oldest sister but she just had her birthday on Sunday and she isn't fifty. Yet. But she will be fifty before me. I just like to remind her of that. Alot.

Anyway, I love you both very much Julie and Fahren and I hope you both have a wonderful year!

Peas out.

You can't name That Tune

I remember when I found out I was going to have a baby... Both times.

In my mind I envisioned blowing raspberries on their bellies and playing piggies on their toes.

I remember the day I got them... Both of them. Those beautiful little faces, their eyes meeting mine for the first time. I remember the way they smelled and the absolute joy I felt when I held them in my arms close to my heart.

But something happens as time goes by that changes how you view your perfect little cherubs. Like douchebag boyfriends and band.

Last night was Wyatt's first band concert and my ears are still ringing from the misplayed notes of Hot Crossed Buns and a version of Jingle Bells (I think) that I'm sure even the original composer would fail to recognize.

When Wendy was in sixth grade I forbid her to be in band because I was in band and I know what those instruments sound like when they have the misfortune of being handled by middle schoolers and I remembered how torturous those performances were. Lucky for me, Wendy was the kind of kid that didn't argue or ask questions and happily signed up for choir, which still requires a mandatory Christmas performance appearance but the stakes aren't nearly as high.

But then there's Wy. The way I see it Wyatt either possesses magical powers or I've gone soft as a parent. Probably the latter. That kid has a way of getting everything and doing anything and somehow always manages to convince me he's full of great ideas... Until those great ideas have a direct negative impact on me. For instance, last summer when he decided to catch crawdaddys in the pond with hotdogs on a string and then I had to cook them when I had no idea how to cook crawdaddys and then the crawdaddys heads were full of crawdaddy eggbrains (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Or band.

I guess I'm lucky that Wyatt is obviously a clarinet prodigy because he has NEVER practiced at home. I swear I have never heard him play a note, but last night on that stage with homeless hair and a borrowed tie he belted out those songs with pride and afterwards asked if I could hear him from where I was sitting (as close to the parking lot as possible) as he beamed over his success as a blossoming musician.  So I guess I'm ok with him being musically inclined, as long as I don't have to attend another concert until he's been accepted to the Portland Symphony.

On a lighter note...   ;)

I think 6 will FINALLY be home tonight. I swear, his Mother must feel like she's hit the jackpot and he and I got a divorce and she has him home again. Most of his loads take him up north so that means layovers back home which is really a good thing because he's getting to spend time with his Mom and Maddy. Ever since we moved down here, almost five years ago, he hasn't been able to see them nearly as much as he'd like and he's missed out on so many things like birthdays (and band concerts lucky bastard) and so many other milestones that are so hard to miss. So, even though it's hard to be home alone for so long, I know it just builds my character and keeps my ass from getting to ginormous and at least we get to see him a few days a month which is better than when he was gone to Iraq. I have to say, it's really nice to miss him and not hate his guts anymore. I suppose everyone does stupid things, look at me, I've done at least five stupid things and at least two REALLY stupid things~Jack~and we all deserve a do-over. I'm really glad he's doing his so well ♡

See you tomorrow.

After School Special

Well the whole a-hole teacher situation worked out great! I decided to use reverse psychology on him just like I do my kids and he was like putty in my hands. ACCKK... I just took my first drink of coffee and it tastes like Juan valdezs' donkey made it!

Gag.

Gross, I'll be right back.

That was a whole pot do-over.

Anyway, the principle and the counselor we fantastic and I felt like they really had Wyatt's back and were on board to get things on track to help create a less chaotic classroom environment.

You know, it's not to often anymore that I have to go out into the world and interact with people and use big words. To better understand this you have to realize that I used to be a social queen, working around people ten hours a day and loving it plus being socially involved (a busybody) with my entire downtown community. I knew what was going on with everyone, who was dating who, who was getting a divorce, who got fired, who got hired, you name it, I knew it. It was like a second full-time job for me, keeping up on everyone elses business, but on top of all that I also found time to be somewhat attractive or at least inoffensive to look at. Not so much anymore. It took me at least thirty minutes to pick out clothes to wear yesterday. I had to find pants to wear without an elastic waistband, shoes that weren't covered in mud, a bra that lifted and seperated and a shirt that didn't have food stains across the chest. When I fired up my flat iron and grabbed a brush I almost fainted over the amount of grey hair on my head and when I leaned into the mirror to get a closer look I got an eye-full of my unwaxed brow (at this point singular is correct) so I grabbed 6's razor and cut myself shaving it and had to apply a toilet paper spit wad over my left eye that I luckily remembered to remove before going into the school. Gawd, I used to be bleach blonde and height weight proportionate and now I'm a grey haired fatty frump with razor burned brows. Oh well, I guess I could always go on a diet and buy a bottle of peroxide, but I kind of like things how they are, and I really like having ice cream for breakfast and pancakes for dinner.

Ugh.

The cow man commeth.

Goodbye pain in the ass cows that have caused me so much grief the past twelve months.

Buddy will miss you.



I have to go make slippers.

See you tommorow.

Oh yeah, one more thing, remember to click on the Facebook box over there on the right. I'm going to quit posting blog updates on my personal page soon (Susan, just hit like and your in) and I don't want you to be left behind :)

Look at this...

This is what Wyatt made last night...



This one is made from pages out of a magazine, but he also has one he's working on that is white and he's going to spray the tips with spray paint.

That kid LOVES spray paint.

He's going to make some bigger ones to sell on Etsy, and in his mind he already has his millions spent.

6 made it home with his new truck this weekend and it is SO pretty.

Is a truck pretty?

Oh well, this one is. It's Prius green (color not fuel consumption) and it has the really big retroee kind of gages in white and silver and it is huge.

Did I say it was big?

It. Is. Huge.

 

He went to work for

 

 

and he'll be driving the western eleven states and Canada so if you pass him on the road

 

or see him in your rear view

 

be sure to wave.

Or flash him. He would probably like that too. Unless you're a dude.

Ok next.

Here's a picture of our barnyard boss.

Frick.

 

Frick is a Frizzle and I swear she only has feathers about two months out of the year and is the toughest hen you've ever laid eyes on.

Frick is so tough she doesn't lay eggs, she lays rocks.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a picture of her when she has hair because she usually looks like she's getting ready for a dip in a hot pot.

And lastly...

Here's a picture of the cutest thing you'll see all day and maybe even all day tomorrow.

Astro.

 

I know.

We needed a kitten like we needed a hole in our heads and obviously we must have holes in our head to get a kitten, but I swear, if you saw the cutest thing in the whole world you would probably bring it home too so don't hate.

Happy Monday.

Blog Potpourri

You know what makes me mad?

The fact that Wyatt's Dad gets away with not paying child support.

Ever.

How does that work?

What a jerk.

Speaking of Wyatt, I'm mad at him too. He had me sign his progress report this morning and it totally sucked. I need to figure out how to make his education a priority to him. He is so focused on his artwork and creativity which I want to support and I do support, but how do I also instill in him the importance of science, math, and the english language. Not like I'm one to talk or anything, it's hard to stand on the soap box while being the poster child of poor choices, but maybe I could be an example of what not to do, but then I'm afraid I'd lose any shred of credibility that I may have.

Example:

"Wyatt, I dropped out of school and got married six times, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Do you see my dilemma?

I need Oprah or Bill Gates to have a talk with him because I don't think I'm getting through.

 

Are you SO glad the election is over!!!

At this point I don't even care who won, I am just so glad it's over but I'm also SO mad that campaigning for 2012 begins tomorrow.

I think that all these jerks would be better off donating the money they spend on campaigning to the causes they support instead of on stupid commercials, yard signs and bumper stickers. Just think if all the campaign moneys had gone to the state deficits instead of down the toilet, or to the schools or the VA or homeless shelters or food banks.

I'm in favor of term limits and running on your own merits. That's what I call change.

Ok, that's all. I have to go to town this morning because...

I have to go to the bank.

And the grocery store

And the gas station.

And the post office.

Oh and what else...

Hmmm, I know there's one other place I have to go.

Oh yeah.

To my Mothers.

To get...

The computer she's giving me because she bought a new MacBook Pro so I get her old one that isn't even hardly old a shiny new (to me) glossy screen 21 inch backlit iMac!!!

OMG!!!

So now I'll have my tried and true heart of my heart air that I breathe iMac that my favorite sister gave me upstairs in my craft room and a sparkly new (to me) one downstairs!

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world :)

Except for that part about not getting child support and being married so many times.

 

No Tricks and Very Few Treats

Have you ever taken a really big drink from the wrong cup of coffee?

I just did.

Moral of this story... Never put todays cup of coffee next to yesterdays cup of coffee.

We went Trick-or-treating last night and it was a total bust.

Let me preface this story by saying I despise it when people say "back when I was a kid" or "I remember when" or "In my day" because back when you were a kid you were a kid and most of the time (most of the time) life sucks more for adults.

With that being said, when I was a kid we got dressed up, grabbed a pillow case, do you say pillow case or pillow sheet? I say pillow case. And RAN from house to house. Our parents didn't walk with us or follow behind in the car and we went out immediately after dinner and didn't come home until we had finished the job. We got a lot of popcorn balls and sometimes a caramel do you say cAre-a-mel or CAR-mal? I say CARmal. Caramel apples that I sucked the caramel off of because it was kind of slimy and watery, not like caramel on the apples that you get at the fair.

We got quarters and little sacks of candy corn, cookies and of course all the other stuff you would expect, but let me tell you, that is NOT how it is in 2010.

Kids walk from house to house and they all have a cell phone to their ear, except for the really little ones whose parents carry them from house to house and then just set them down in front of the door and then pick them up again and carry them to the next house. There is NO running, no pushing anyone out-of-the-way, no stomping through anyones yard to be the first to the door, it is completely civilized AND these dumb kids are satisfied after only an hour or so and less than a pound of candy in the bag. Now I ask you, how is one pound of candy supposed to sustain both Me and Wyatt for more than a day or so especially after you discount all the dumb stuff like SweeTarts and Three Musketeers. And it bothers me SO much that there is NO running. NO one was running. What the hell. There is supposed to be running on Halloween.

And let me tell you something else, the best reason to have more than one kid is more than one candy bag but I made the mistake of having my kids fifteen years apart so that doesn't work. I still have the headache of two kids, I still have to buy Christmas gifts for two kids and of course the obvious issue that I will have raised children from the time I was sixteen years old till the time I am fifty  and still only have a fifty-fifty chance of having one turn out right AND I only get one bag of candy a year.

Let me tell you what I think the problem is.

I think the problem is that we have ruined our kids.

We feed them whenever they are hungry and we feed them good stuff. I used to have to eat gross stuff, but I ate it because I was hungry and I knew that if I didn't eat it I would starve to death and die.

If Wyatt doesn't like what I make for dinner (like I would ever even consider making something he doesn't like) he knows that he can just have a little Ben and Jerry's or some Easy Mac later. He also knows that if we're at the store I'll buy him stuff that he likes like cereal that doesn't taste like the box it comes in.

So really, why should he worry about hiding candy in his underwear drawer when he knows all he has to do is ask for it and I'll buy it for him.

GAH! I have done this.

I have screwed myself out of the Halloween haul.

6 left for his new job yesterday. They rented him a car and he and some other guy drove to somewhere in Central Oregon for the meet and greet. I hate to tell you what his new job is because I'll get it wrong and he reads the blog and then he'll get all fussy because I never listen to him when he tells me stuff, but I do listen if it's interesting to me.

He is going to be driving flat bed in more than one state and into Canada.

Ha!

Vague but correct.

He'll be gone for a while and then home for a few days so it won't suck as bad as when he was in Iraq but I also won't have him OCD'ing around the house all the time.

It really is the best of both worlds.

And don't think that I think that I'm some peach to live with because I'm not and I know I'm not. I'm a total slob with complete disregard for other people's stuff.

I never put anything away and I seldom rinse my dishes.

I leave my dirty clothes on the floor and I don't brush my teeth before bed, but I'm very friendly and I used to be pretty so no matter what, he's still a lucky guy :)

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about a HUGE disgusting bug.

School Days

Ugh. I'm sitting here with an oogy belly wondering what happened to summer. How can Wyatt possibly be back in school already and an even better question is how can he POSSIBLY be in middle school! I know this sounds hoaky, but it really does seem like just yesterday that I was just starting middle school. I remember my fabulous first day of school outfit and my shoes... OMG, my shoes. They were high heeled Famolares.

They were SO cool.

Ok but anyway this is about Wyatt not me, well really it is about me because I'm his mother and I'm the one that got ditched when he went to school this morning. Is the View back on live? They have been in reruns for the last few weeks and I could really use a morning shot of the ladies bickering to take my mind off things. Ok, ok, ok so about Wyatt... He looked great today in his new school clothes. This is the first year he's given a rats ass about how he looks. Before, I always picked out his his clothes and decided what he's going to wear and then he rolls out of bed, may or may not remember to brush his teeth and heads for the door. Not this year. He had to have brand name clothes and shoes. Good bye Payless Shoes no name brands for $14.00, hello Nike and Vans for a $bazillion.00. Good bye Tuff Skins, hello Levis. Good bye healthy clean air, hello Axe. My hair gel? Really? I have to say good bye to MY hair gel? Well, not like I use it, but do I have to turn it over to my SON? How did this happen.

Here he is with his merry band of well wishers behind him...



Doesn't he look thrilled? I'm glad my Dads not around to see that I cut off his feet in the photo... He'd say "Dammit Marilyn, look at all the room at the top of the photograph and you cut off his feet. You have. To center. Your subject."

And of course the traditional in front of the truck first day photo (notice the centered subject?)

Anyway, I won't see that mug around here again until about 3:30 this afternoon. What should I do. I think I might spend the day snacking and watching trashy daytime television and not stress myself with anything productive until tomorrow. I need a little time to adjust.

Farm Fun!

What a crazy, action packed, fun-filled few days we have had! You know there's never a dull moment here on the farm, but the last few days have been even more exciting than most. When we left off, Wyatt had just completed his moving up ceremony at Clarkes Elementary School. Our thoughts were turning to long summer days spent splashing in the pool with friends, and also just a little anxiety about the future of a new school with more than 180 students! We have all summer to worry about a new school though so lets move on to the fun stuff!

What better way to start off summer than with a new Llama!



Meet Tina... She is a Craigslist exclusive, extra-large Suri Llama packed with personality and charm. She is however in dire need of a haircut and a manicure. Whatever, so am I. Tina's job on the farm will be to watch over the lambs that we are expecting along with providing hours of fun and entertainment. Who doesn't love watching a Llama frolic? well, she doesn't really frolic, but she does make funny noises and walks around.

Next up was farrier day for the donkeys and a visit with Wendy. We really like our farrier so I started dropping hints about how much easier it would be to trim the toes of my asses if he lived in our little house and... He jumped on the idea! He went home and got his wife and brought her back to take a look around. I think she liked it and I'm crossing my fingers they decide to move in. I spoke with the donkeys and told them to send the hoof man and his wife some positive vibes, if things worked out they could have the best looking feet in the Valley.



Now this next part you're never gonna believe... Wyatt was in the pasture taking a look at Tina when he started doing this, Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. You know how kids do when they want something, but not bad enough to get it themselves so they start hounding you endlessly to get it for them. Finally I hollered out the window "WHAT" and he said, "look at the baby skunk." Oooo.Mmmmm.Ggggg. My feet were on fire, I couldn't believe it! Wendy and I were tripping over each other as we ran out the door to see her!



We decided to name her Daisy. Sadness soon set in though as I called around to different vets offices and found out that you can't keep wild skunks as pets in Oregon, only domesticated ones. We knew we had to do the right thing for Daisy, so we called Fish and Wildlife and they told us how to try to reunite her with her Mom. We did just as they said, but Daisy wouldn't go. She loved her new pet boy and he loved her.



But as the sun began to set Daisy started to make her way back towards the barn to find her Mom. Before she disappeared into the tall grass for the last time though she turned around and gave Wyatt one last stink and a playful roll as if to say good-bye. I hope Daisy didn't get in too much trouble for spending the day with Wy and maybe someday she'll be back to play again. But if not, it sure was a day to remember ❤

Last but not least I made some new soaps! I made a batch of oatmeal, coffee, pearberry and cherry blossom and my house smells freaking fabulous! Sorta like Spring in the shower : )



If we can't have a skunk, what do you think about ferrets...

Update

I would love to know where time goes.. Either I'm waiting for it to pass or it flies right on past me and I have no idea how to catch up!

This week, Wyatt had another chiropractor appointment, we went to Wendy's school so he could get a hair cut, we went shopping for his graduation clothes, Shannon came and spent the day, I demolished our lawn mower, had three new sheep delivered, attended Wyatt's fifth grade graduation and saw Shreck the final chapter. Those are just the highlights. Of course there was laundry, cooking, general cleaning, grocery shopping and facebooking thrown in as well.

When we were at Target picking out clothes for Wyatt, I didn't want to embarrass him by tagging along into the dressing room with him when Shannon was with us. I let on like we were this really cool family who's all laid back and in touch with one another. You know, the kind of family that if the eleven year old kid tells the really cool mom the twenty dollar shorts fit, the cool mom believes him. You know, the kind of family that we really aren't. We're really the kind of family that try's to pull that off and then waits about twenty-eight hours to try on the twenty dollar shorts at home only to find out that the stupid shorts don't fit and then has an all out cuss filled emotional breakdown with only forty-five minutes to get to the Target that's thirty minutes away on a Sunday night before said graduation on Monday morning. Yeah, thats the kind of family we really are. All I can say is it's a good thing I didn't stop for a dry gin martini on the way to Target, I would have never made it there in time. Instead I opted for some boxed wine and a donut when I got home.



Here's another disastrous part of our trip to Target. I bought a blender so I could make blended margaritas coffee and the first time I used it, it leaked ALL over my counters and floor. I figured it was operator error, so I tried it again and it happened again! Stupid blender. I returned it and know I don't know what kind of blender to buy, but I do know one thing, I will NOT buy one of those dumb frappe' maker blenders.

The sheep we got are Katahdins (ka-ta-dins.) They are "hair" sheep instead of wool sheep so they never need to be shorn. I got two pregnant ewes and a ram so before long we will have lambs! Katahdins lamb out of season and are capable of lambing sometimes as often as twice a year and usually produce twins. They are typically a meat breed, but of course that won't be the case here. They also eat blackberry bushes which is a huge plus. Do you know at Fred Meyer the other day I saw blackerry plants for sale! Can you believe that? I could probably make a gagillion dollars as a blackberry farmer.



While mowing the lawn on Saturday I may have hit a little something.

Doctors Schmoctors

I am SO frustrated! This whole doctor business is getting me down and when I think about all the money we've spent and all the time Wyatt has missed from school it's enough to get my panties in a knot. The money grubber doctor we saw yesterday is of the same mindset as the rheumatologist we saw a month ago. He wants to start Wyatt in their "special" physical therapy program at the hospital. He diagnosed it as RND which is apparently a disorder only recognized by a small number of doctors all trained under the same physician who discovered it. Convenient huh? So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to sign us both up for the fat lady senior citizen water aerobics class at the pool. Low impact stretching right? Right. I'm going to buy one of those pedicure tubs and soak his foot and massage and stretch the tendons every night. He's just going to have work his way back to where he was. No hospitals, no scammers doctors, we can do it ourselves. I wonder if insurance would be willing to pay me a few hundred dollars an hour... Maybe if I explained to them how much money I'm saving them in the long run they would at least consider it. Here's the deal. I have seen the x-rays and I know there is no break or fracture. His bones are ok. He has very limited circulation in that foot, but they say it is from lack of movement. We can take care of that ourselves. Maybe I can come up with my own white trash treatment plan and have doctors refer their patients to me. Stretching would consist of weed eating and edging along the fence line. Muscle development would come from unloading feed sacks and rooster wrangling, and I could let people pet the donkeys and sit criss cross applesauce in the pasture with the goats and call it meditation therapy.  I would call it Body and Soul Rehabilitation or B.S Rehab for short. I think I'm on to something. Do you think I could get away with a "getting in touch with your aggression" therapy and have people "work" through their emotions by cleaning out the chicken coop? If someone really has issues they can clean out the pig house. I could start a "shock water" therapy class in the pond that would work you through your fears. Fear of getting caught up in old tree snags and the patio umbrella that blew in there twenty years ago.

Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'm having a sleepover with some friends. Well, technically they're Wyatt's friends and it's really just one friend but I'll still make them sing to me and I won't have to share my box of wine with them and after they go to bed I can finish off the cake by myself. I decided to give myself Weight Watchers this year because I'm tired of being a big fat fatty and then maybe for Christmas I'll be tall and thin and get myself a boob job. A girl can dream... Can't she?

Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story about a black and white dog and a skunk.

Another Day Another Doctor

Today is another doctor day for Wyatt. A pediatric orthopedic surgeon. I think we should have been seen last week, but no one ever called us to schedule, so when the office called yesterday to make him an appointment in mid June the receptionist asked what he was being seen for. Since we don't have a diagnosis she asked if he was "weight bearing" and I said no and she said "we'll see you tomorrow." Funny how that works.  I wonder if would work at the Lady Parts Doctor. Try it sometime, if they tell you the doctor is booked out two weeks tell them your not "weight bearing" and see if they get you in for that pap any sooner.

Wyatt really enjoyed being back in school yesterday. He said he got pretty tired and ended up taking a nap on the cot in the storage closet nurses room during lunch recess, but other than that he had a great time. I picked him up after school and took him to a late lunch early dinner at his favorite restaurant and he thought that was great. He's home today because the entire fifth grade (I think all sixty or so of them) are going to a concert at the high school. Since he can't do buses or stairs and has an appointment this afternoon he bagged out of school today but is super excited to go back tomorrow.

Did you watch American Idol last night? I love both Lee and Dreads, but I have really been pulling for Lee to win. Last night changed everything when Dreads pulled out three FABULOUS performances. I'm pretty sure she's a shoe in to win!

Ummmm... I ordered my birthday present yesterday and it should be here sometime this week. 6 and the kids are going to be so happy they got me something SO great. I was SO surprised when I ordered it for myself from them and really touched by their thoughtfulness. I don't want to tell them what it is though because I really want it to be a surprise. I will give a hint though, it's two and it's blue. I'll be sure and post pictures as soon as it arrives.

A Day Without Wy

Do you hear that? It's the refrigerator. Nothing else, just the refrigerator. No cartoons, no Mom I needs, no Mom will yous. Nothing, silence. I don't know if I like it.

Wyatt went back to school today and he was so excited and I was so excited and maybe a little bit worried and maybe kind of sad, but mostly happy for him that he will be with his friends. I talked to his teacher a little and she said that he had finished all of his testing before he became incapacitated and he is for sure moving on to the sixth grade. That was a huge relief for both of us. She said she didn't really want to go back through the lesson plans to get make up work for him but told me they had been studying Oregon History and geography so I think I'll check out some books and see if I can find some videos on Oregon History. Isn't there a video game about the Oregon Trail? I think there is. Learning at it's finest... Through video games.

Wyatt and I tried to watch almost an entire season of lost on Sunday to prepare for the finale on Sunday night but fell short of our goal. We haven't been watching since the beginning but have watched up to season six on Netflix Wii and then we were getting all of season six on Hulu. I'm glad we did it that way because we have never had to wait a week or or a summer to find out what happens next, but it has been a full-time job making sure we don't find out what happens in the final episode before we watch it ourselves. I liken it to trying NOT to find out who won the Super Bowl for a week after the game. So whatever you do DON'T tell me anything!

I had Buddy to the vet yesterday, I think he has something stuck in his nose. Grass maybe. Does anyone from the nail shop days remember Blond Connie? She had a Bichon Frise named Comet that got a pine needle lodged up his nose and then blew it out like a month later all snotty oogy gross. I don't want some groddy snot ball on the rug, plus the fact that he's turned into a mouth breather because his nose is plugged so thats why I took him in. They prescribed antibiotics hoping that will take care of it and if not, they have to "scope" him.

I know everyone probably saw this picture and these videos on facebook, but I'm posting them again just because I can. The chicken video is of Wendy trying to look at Fracks "babies" that are really just rocks, but Frack gets really mad at Wendy and starts pecking her. Funny.

This is Buddy "herding" the cows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc-XHyPaswQ

And this is Wendy and Frack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAcMnDEhOQ

I hate my "cakle." I swear, is there anything worse than the sound of your own voice!

And this is just a picture after the rain...

We Have Water!

The continuing saga of the outside pond water has come to a happy ending! Last year during the freeze we shut down the pump to the pond that supplies all the outside water for the farm and the mobile spaces. The plan was to turn it back on in the spring after the fear of another freeze was gone but in plenty of time for everyone to start watering their gardens. 6 disconnected the pump at the wire box thingy so nobody would slink into the barn and flip the switch to get water until the all the lines checked out and we repaired all of our leaky outdoor faucets. Of course I don't have to tell you what happened next... As soon as 6 left for Iraq the know it all "Assh@le" in the mobile spaces went in to hook it up and screwed up all the wires and almost burned out the pump. So, the pump guys have been here two days in a row fixing everything and now we have water again. I'm not telling anyone in the mobile spaces until the first of June though. I can be spiteful like that.

Wyatt seems to be improving every day no thanks to any of the doctors and even starting to walk a little without his crutches. He walked up AND down the stairs yesterday, squeeling, but all on his own. He is taking 250mg of Neurontin three times a day and 500 mg of Naproxen twice a day with fish oil thrown in three times a day just to keep his joints good and greasy. He really wants to be able to go back to school and walk with his class for his fifth grade graduation, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

Wendy was out yesterday and cut my hair!! It's beautiful, and she has so much confidence, you would never know she was still in school. I guess growing up in the "business" has really paid off, she has the ease and chatter of an old school hairdresser. I would love it if someday she opened up and wash and set salon and spent her days doing blue rinses and comb outs. Wouldn't that be great! She could serve weak coffee and dish the best gossip in town. Maybe I need to talk to her about this...

Thats all for today, tune in tomorrow for another episode of  Fat Bottoms On The Farm!

Another New Blog...

I decided to take the leap to WordPress and I am SO glad I did! The format is so much better than Blogger, I wish I would have made the change a long time ago. Now I kind of feel bad for encouraging everyone to start a blog on Blogger.

Nothing has changed much with Wyatt. They discovered that he has limited blood supply to his right foot, but not sure why. I am waiting to get a phone call from scheduling with a new pediatric orthopedic.

We have five new calves in the lower pasture and they are so fun to watch. They make SO much noise, which I love, because I can't stand the neighbors and anything that could possibly irritate them is music to my ears.

Ok, it's taken me over an hour to write this much, I'm going to bed.

Ciao'

Diagnosis?

We are back from another trip to the Hospital

They called this morning to check on how Wyatt was doing and when I told them they told me to bring him in.

He isn't responding to any of the medications that he has been given including Vicodin,

(like I really want him taking Vicodin anyway)

Neurontin, NSAIDS, or even Tylenol.

Once again his blood tests look o.k.

The Doctor gave him a once over (again) and after not finding anything (again) referred us to a Chiropractor or Acupuncturist until we could see the specialist who she was sure would know exactly what was going on.

I opted for Chiropractor first.

We were ale to get in with our family Chiropractor this afternoon so we drove Wyatt there and wheeled him in.

I wish I would have gone there first.

Dr Cracker, short for bone cracker, looked him up and down, asked us questions we hadn't been asked yet, pushed, pulled, turned and tweaked and then had this to say...

Wyatt's lymph nodes are swollen.

His throat is berry red and inflamed.

His belly nodes are swollen and painful to the touch.

It is not just joint pain, but also and mostly muscle and tendon pain.

Dr Cracker is 90% sure Wyatt has Stills Disease which is a type of JRA.

Stills rarely presents in any type of blood test rather it be SED, ANA or even RA specific tests.

Here's what we do...

Take his temp in the morning when he wakes up, and at night before bed.

No tomatoes, potatoes or peppers.

Cod liver oil three times a day.

And, everyone's favorite, follow up with the specialist on Wednesday.

There isn't anything more we can do to control the pain until we meet with the specialist, so it's continued rest and NSAIDS until then.

I feel SO much relief in knowing that someone, ANYONE has some idea as to what this could be.

For now I am putting all my eggs in the Still's basket and hoping for even more answers as the days go by.

I wish I could do something to show our appreciation to everyone who has been so kind to us and showed us so much love and support through this.

Thank you ♥