Back To School

Do you want to know what makes me mad?
This.
This is what makes me mad.

Actually, it makes me CRAZY!

Mi hijo and I went to the big everything under one roof store in town last night because we are getting ready to enter the "Hot Zone" this week with temperatures forcasted in the high 90's low triple digits so we decided to go get ourselves a wading pool for the deck.

Do you think there was a pool to be found? 

Sunscreen, short shorts or sandals?

Nope, nope and nope.

Sweaters, scarves and school supplies!

At the risk of sounding like a middle aged woman who complains about everything, I can't even believe this bs.

Remember the days when school supplies went on sale at the end of August and you looked forward to the trip to Sears and Penneys for your clothes and the smell of your new school shoes from Thom McAn that you couldn't wait to wear?

Remember going to the drug store for your #2 pencils and Pink Pearl Erasers?

Well forget all that.

Now we schlep through the white trash warehouse in July to pick up those last minute twelve boxes of Kleenex for the classroom along with .19 cent spiral notebooks and backpacks made across the ocean by children that aren't even old enough to babysit.

I guess I need to pull myself together or I'm going to miss the blowout sale on twinkle lights and Rudolph inflatables for the front yard.

If you'll excuse me now, I have to go unpack and quickly put away our secondary less commercial labor Day and Thanksgiving holiday decor that we will be overlooking this year in favor of the more important mass market pleasing family holiday.

Black Friday.

Peas.

School, Soap And Some Other Stuff

Ahhhh, thats more like it.
The house is quiet again, but I guess it's always quiet in the house before the sun comes up, so I really won't get the full effect of School being back in session until around 10:00 and by then I'll be missing him so really, I can't win.
My favorite days of school are the first days back after a long break.
You know like summer and winter, because there's always new clothes involved and for those first sweet few days my child doesn't look like an orphan.
His hair is cut, his clothes are clean and fit him reasonably well and he smells good.
Speaking of smelling, remember the Axe attack of last spring... Thank gawd that's over.
Of course it's over after investing at least a full months salary into having my son smell like a guatemalan whorehouse, but hey, so long as it's over I'm not complaining.
Maybe that's what I should do with all my spare time, start an Axe awareness group for new mothers of tweens.
You know, just be there to comfort and support them, teach them the art of Ben Gay under the nostrils and how to borrow from your child's college fund to support his Axe habit.
I think I'm on to something here...

Today is the day that I officially begin to consider the idea of taking down the Christmas crap.
I know, I'll feel better once it's done, clean space, it's like a new house blah blah blah I know I've been reading it on every blog.
How after putting away the holiday decor everyone suddenly feels so renewed which I find interesting considering how wonderful and full of love and warmth everyone felt last month after putting all thissh!t out.
I'll let you in on a little secret, my house wasn't very clean before Christmas and it won't be very clean after I box all this stuff up.
Thats just how I roll.

I'm crocheting headband earwarmer things.
So far I think they're pretty cool.
I'll post a picture when I'm finished.
They're super simple. Like me. : )

I made bengal spice soap with a smidge of cinnamon yesterday.
I'm excited to cut it and see if the cinnamon line through the center turned out like I planned.
It's colored and scented with tea so it has a very light "organiky" feel to it.
I'll just go cut it, hang on a sec....

Ok, I'm back and the soap turned out great!

The scent is so light it's almost unscented, so if your a no fru fru kinda soap lover this is right up your alley!

Ok, that's all for now.

See you tomorrow.

Peas.

First Yearly Report

Good Morning and Happy 2011!

Who would have ever thought huh? That sounds so sophisticated... 2011, like we should all have our act together or something.

We had quite a lot going on this holiday season and I can honestly say I'm glad we're on the other side of it now. Not that it wasn't all warm and wonderful, but I swear, holidays don't necessarily bring out the best in me. I think I come from a long line of holiday misfits. I nearly had an all out emotional breakdown over the whole Wendy/douchebag situation bright and early on Christmas morning. I seriously have never felt such contempt for another human being in my life, and that's saying a lot and thats all I have to say about that.

We had some serious livestock management issues over the holidays too. Joe somehow managed to squeeze his way through a break in the fence and was found loitering in the mobile spaces on more than one occasion which landed him and Molly the Mule on lockdown in the yard.
And by yard I also mean patio.

Ew. Skunk.

6 wasn't home enough to get the fence fixed when the ground was thawed out enough to drive new fence posts in so their three hour tour in the yard ended up being two weeks in the yard and let me tell you, that's a lot of horse poop in the flower beds!

After months long and heart felt deliberation we decided to find Joe a home with a kid who would give him a job. Wyatt had good intentions when we got him, but he kind of lost interest somewhere around the feeding and caring for part and that isn't fair to Joe.
So old Joe came to us in pretty skinny sorry shape, but he left here with a fat belly and a warm wooly winter coat to go to live with a twelve year old girl, and really, is there any better way for an old horse to start a new year than with a twelve year old girl to love... I think not :)

Wyatt is still home from school until Thursday.
Whats up with that?

You may have noticed that you came back to Blogger to read my stories today... My brave and daring move to Wordpress wasn't all that I'd hoped it would be. I wanted to set up a page where I could sell my wares, and Wordpress doesn't support any kind of sales platform, only donations. They are pretty restricting as to what they allow unless you host your own blog in which case you can do whatever you want, but Blogger is easy and free which made it the best plan of action. So welcome back everyone!

Ok, I have to go feed everyone, see you tomorrow!

Post Christmas Post

Ok everybody, this is it... The last blog post of the year!!!

When everyone is home it's just to hard to sit down and get a thought out and since Wyatt is with my Mom this afternoon, I thought I would belt one out while he's gone.

We had a fantastic Christmas. Very modest, probably the smallest one I can ever remember present wise, but I'm telling you, it was so cool! I felt like the gifts we gave we gave because we felt them, not because we felt we needed to and there was never the feeling of having to shop just to have a gift to give. I gave 6 one thing, he gave me one thing, Wyatt only got a few things and they were things that were really special to him and Wendy only got a few things. I'm telling you, NO pressure and it was so refreshing!



Later in the day my Mom came out and we had an early dinner with her and then just sat around eating cupcakes and cookies and fudge and candy all day!

I'm telling you, a minimalist Christmas is where it's at for this family from now on. I think I've been so caught up in the feeling of having to out-do myself every year that I lost track of what it's really all about and it took Wendy to point it out for me...

It's about family.

Thanks Wen.



I made some castile soap yesterday and the color and scent ~ juniper breeze~ turned out SO great, I can't wait to cut it tomorrow!



This summer Kenna needs to come down and we can do a soap tutorial on the blog.

Kenna makes really beautiful soaps and is the one who taught me how to make soap!



Lets cross our fingers that kenna doesn't get angry that I jacked this photo from her Facebook shall we :)

We still don't have the falling down fence fixed and so I still have a bony old brown horse and a stubborn spotted mule in my yard. I don't mind, I like having them out there, but 6 doesn't like them in the garage.



As soon as the weather is decent and 6 is home for more than a day we'll get the fence fixed, but until then they have to stay in the yard or else they wander up in to the mobile spaces and the trailerpark people don't appreciate that too much.

Do you have any big New Years plans?

We don't.

I'll be in bed before midnight for sure but I think I'll make some more cupcakes and a nice dinner. Or maybe just cupcakes for dinner.

Do you have any resolutions?

Wyatt asked me the other day if I had any and I told him yes, to maintain the weight of a seven-foot tall man. He just shook his head and walked away. Whatever, I least I'm realistic.

Ok, I gotta go, see you next year!

You can't name That Tune

I remember when I found out I was going to have a baby... Both times.

In my mind I envisioned blowing raspberries on their bellies and playing piggies on their toes.

I remember the day I got them... Both of them. Those beautiful little faces, their eyes meeting mine for the first time. I remember the way they smelled and the absolute joy I felt when I held them in my arms close to my heart.

But something happens as time goes by that changes how you view your perfect little cherubs. Like douchebag boyfriends and band.

Last night was Wyatt's first band concert and my ears are still ringing from the misplayed notes of Hot Crossed Buns and a version of Jingle Bells (I think) that I'm sure even the original composer would fail to recognize.

When Wendy was in sixth grade I forbid her to be in band because I was in band and I know what those instruments sound like when they have the misfortune of being handled by middle schoolers and I remembered how torturous those performances were. Lucky for me, Wendy was the kind of kid that didn't argue or ask questions and happily signed up for choir, which still requires a mandatory Christmas performance appearance but the stakes aren't nearly as high.

But then there's Wy. The way I see it Wyatt either possesses magical powers or I've gone soft as a parent. Probably the latter. That kid has a way of getting everything and doing anything and somehow always manages to convince me he's full of great ideas... Until those great ideas have a direct negative impact on me. For instance, last summer when he decided to catch crawdaddys in the pond with hotdogs on a string and then I had to cook them when I had no idea how to cook crawdaddys and then the crawdaddys heads were full of crawdaddy eggbrains (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Or band.

I guess I'm lucky that Wyatt is obviously a clarinet prodigy because he has NEVER practiced at home. I swear I have never heard him play a note, but last night on that stage with homeless hair and a borrowed tie he belted out those songs with pride and afterwards asked if I could hear him from where I was sitting (as close to the parking lot as possible) as he beamed over his success as a blossoming musician.  So I guess I'm ok with him being musically inclined, as long as I don't have to attend another concert until he's been accepted to the Portland Symphony.

On a lighter note...   ;)

I think 6 will FINALLY be home tonight. I swear, his Mother must feel like she's hit the jackpot and he and I got a divorce and she has him home again. Most of his loads take him up north so that means layovers back home which is really a good thing because he's getting to spend time with his Mom and Maddy. Ever since we moved down here, almost five years ago, he hasn't been able to see them nearly as much as he'd like and he's missed out on so many things like birthdays (and band concerts lucky bastard) and so many other milestones that are so hard to miss. So, even though it's hard to be home alone for so long, I know it just builds my character and keeps my ass from getting to ginormous and at least we get to see him a few days a month which is better than when he was gone to Iraq. I have to say, it's really nice to miss him and not hate his guts anymore. I suppose everyone does stupid things, look at me, I've done at least five stupid things and at least two REALLY stupid things~Jack~and we all deserve a do-over. I'm really glad he's doing his so well ♡

See you tomorrow.

Tis The Season Already?

I have restarted the same load of laundry six times.

Whatever I don't care, but I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of brain disorder or if I'm just lazy. I don't think I'm lazy because I'm always doing stuff, it's just that I'm always doing stuff that I want to do and not necessarily what I need to do and what I want to do is fun up until the point that I need to do what I want to do and then I don't always want to do it anymore.

Can you believe it's almost Christmas! I have my Christmas tree up but I haven't decorated anything. 6 brought the decorations down two weeks ago but I haven't put anything out yet. It seems to soon but maybe if I start decorating it'll feel more like Christmas. What's really crazy is Wyatt isn't even talking about Christmas this year. I haven't seen any Christmas programs on T.V, I only hear Christmas music in the car, I haven't driven by any Christmas tree lots and we live in the Christmas tree capital of the world for cripes sake, it's like we're in some kind of weird holiday vortex. Maybe as the big day gets closer and maybe when 6 comes home it will seem more festive. That and I should probably start eating boxes of chocolate covered cherries and stacks of  Christmas cookies and drinking whiskey eggnogs and schnapps and hot chocolate.

Do you read PW? If you don't, you should. She made Christmas cookies last week and OMG, they make my Christmas cookies look gen.u.ine.lee trailerpark. Take a look at these...



Is that amazing! You really need to go read the whole post and see how they make these little frosted gems. I wonder if PW has a sister, because if she does I need to meet her because I think we would probably have a lot in common. My sister is a total PW except I guess you would call her an IW because she lives on an Island. She sews and cooks and cleans and has had the same husband all her life and has four kids and none of them have ever been to jail. I wonder how many times PW's sister has been married or if any of her kids have ever been to jail... Oh well, I look at it this way, what I lack in domestic ability I more than make up for in dramatic interest.

Well, thats all for today, I need to go drink eggnog and think about Christmas decorations!

Thanksgiving Crafts and Cooking!

~Repost from Friday~

Ok, so as promised in yesterdays post, today I have gathered some different examples on how to add to your holiday enjoyment through simple crafting and creative cooking. It has always been my belief that the family that drinks crafts and cooks together stays together.

 

So let's get started...

It's always fun to show your holiday spirit through fashion and nothing says I'm thankful like a sweater vest!



So go ahead and make a real sleeveless statement and flaunt your bounty in a cozy colorful poly acrylic blend. These timeless beauty's are a cinch to make, just cut the sleeves off an old sweater and hot glue on some seasonal applique!

When it's time to gather with the kids here are a few craft ideas to really drive home the true meaning of the day.

Toilet paper pilgrims!

 

These TP pilgrim puppets will keep the little ones delighted for hours and while they're spending time exploring the new world you can work on "covering their base" by whipping up this lovely crochet toilet tissue cover!



Seriously, your friends and family will definitely feel the warmth of your giving when they go to grab that swaddled roll.

Now lets move on to the kitchen...

Not everyone in you clan may be up for a poultry feast so it's alway a good idea to serve a vegan dish as well, and I find that a nice jello mold always puts a smile on those meat free mugs!



This dish will take a little time to set up, so start preparing right after you tap the wine when you wake up, and remember to garnish with a little fresh fruit. If you don't have any fresh, a nice can of cocktail will work in a pinch.



Now, if you remember, yesterday I made quite a to-do about cranberry sauce and how I'm particular to the can brand, but today I found an enticing new way to serve cranberries in the round...



Now that's what I call going "full circle" and trust me when I tell you that I'm looking forward to making that bold leap from jellied disc to molded ring!

But I realize that not everyone may share the same love of the little red berry and so for the rest of you I found this to set upon your holiday table...

 

Beautiful right?

Ruby red crocheted fauxberries, ridges and all!

Ok, winding things down, it's always nice to have a wide array of desserts to offer. Tired of the same old hum drum pumpkin pie?

Try these...

 

 

Rice Krispi Turkeys with mini marshmallows and fruit loops!

And last but not least lets not forget our four-legged friends!

 

 

They will be truly thankful Thanksgiving only comes once a year.

Well, that wraps things up for my Thanksgiving Tips and Treats post, have a great weekend!

 

No Tricks and Very Few Treats

Have you ever taken a really big drink from the wrong cup of coffee?

I just did.

Moral of this story... Never put todays cup of coffee next to yesterdays cup of coffee.

We went Trick-or-treating last night and it was a total bust.

Let me preface this story by saying I despise it when people say "back when I was a kid" or "I remember when" or "In my day" because back when you were a kid you were a kid and most of the time (most of the time) life sucks more for adults.

With that being said, when I was a kid we got dressed up, grabbed a pillow case, do you say pillow case or pillow sheet? I say pillow case. And RAN from house to house. Our parents didn't walk with us or follow behind in the car and we went out immediately after dinner and didn't come home until we had finished the job. We got a lot of popcorn balls and sometimes a caramel do you say cAre-a-mel or CAR-mal? I say CARmal. Caramel apples that I sucked the caramel off of because it was kind of slimy and watery, not like caramel on the apples that you get at the fair.

We got quarters and little sacks of candy corn, cookies and of course all the other stuff you would expect, but let me tell you, that is NOT how it is in 2010.

Kids walk from house to house and they all have a cell phone to their ear, except for the really little ones whose parents carry them from house to house and then just set them down in front of the door and then pick them up again and carry them to the next house. There is NO running, no pushing anyone out-of-the-way, no stomping through anyones yard to be the first to the door, it is completely civilized AND these dumb kids are satisfied after only an hour or so and less than a pound of candy in the bag. Now I ask you, how is one pound of candy supposed to sustain both Me and Wyatt for more than a day or so especially after you discount all the dumb stuff like SweeTarts and Three Musketeers. And it bothers me SO much that there is NO running. NO one was running. What the hell. There is supposed to be running on Halloween.

And let me tell you something else, the best reason to have more than one kid is more than one candy bag but I made the mistake of having my kids fifteen years apart so that doesn't work. I still have the headache of two kids, I still have to buy Christmas gifts for two kids and of course the obvious issue that I will have raised children from the time I was sixteen years old till the time I am fifty  and still only have a fifty-fifty chance of having one turn out right AND I only get one bag of candy a year.

Let me tell you what I think the problem is.

I think the problem is that we have ruined our kids.

We feed them whenever they are hungry and we feed them good stuff. I used to have to eat gross stuff, but I ate it because I was hungry and I knew that if I didn't eat it I would starve to death and die.

If Wyatt doesn't like what I make for dinner (like I would ever even consider making something he doesn't like) he knows that he can just have a little Ben and Jerry's or some Easy Mac later. He also knows that if we're at the store I'll buy him stuff that he likes like cereal that doesn't taste like the box it comes in.

So really, why should he worry about hiding candy in his underwear drawer when he knows all he has to do is ask for it and I'll buy it for him.

GAH! I have done this.

I have screwed myself out of the Halloween haul.

6 left for his new job yesterday. They rented him a car and he and some other guy drove to somewhere in Central Oregon for the meet and greet. I hate to tell you what his new job is because I'll get it wrong and he reads the blog and then he'll get all fussy because I never listen to him when he tells me stuff, but I do listen if it's interesting to me.

He is going to be driving flat bed in more than one state and into Canada.

Ha!

Vague but correct.

He'll be gone for a while and then home for a few days so it won't suck as bad as when he was in Iraq but I also won't have him OCD'ing around the house all the time.

It really is the best of both worlds.

And don't think that I think that I'm some peach to live with because I'm not and I know I'm not. I'm a total slob with complete disregard for other people's stuff.

I never put anything away and I seldom rinse my dishes.

I leave my dirty clothes on the floor and I don't brush my teeth before bed, but I'm very friendly and I used to be pretty so no matter what, he's still a lucky guy :)

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about a HUGE disgusting bug.

Happy New Year Everyone!

See you in a few more days.

He Said She Said

Well, it seems as though the "arctic front" has blown over. We have temperatures in the 30's again and everything is slowly thawing out.

That's all fine and well with me, although I didn't really mind the snow.

My sister from Montana arrived in Seattle today and after spending the weekend up there she and her boys will be here for the holiday. Her husband flys in Afghanistan and won't be able to make it home for Christmas this year. I'm sure it will be hard for her boys, but being entertained by crazy Aunt Marilyn and the critters hopefully won't be to bad.

It has been our (mike and I) mission this year to get Jack, Wyatt's Dad here for Christmas. He lives in Texas and is a real jerk-off, non child support paying, drunk'n, smokin', yellow eyed, foul mouthed jack-ass, but he is Wyatt's Dad and he hasn't seen him in over four years.

So, we invited him for the holiday.

Everything was all systems go until he called on Monday and said "they" would be leaving Friday.

"They" I said...

"We" he said.

Who is "we" I said.

His neighbor he said.

He's "golden" he said.

I said, I don't give a #*@%

Guests can't bring guests I said, especially not at Christmas.

He started crying and said he was calling Mike.

Go ahead I said.

He did.

Mike said what I said.

I don't think Jacks coming for Christmas.

This is a picture of Jack on our Last Christmas morning together in 2001.

Need I say more...

Do I really want to wake up to that again?

I think not.

We had the child's best interest at heart, but what the child doesn't know won't hurt him.

Mike has been working quite a bit this week thank Gawd.

We have to pay for that new m'r-f'n bulb for the t.v.

Turns out the life span of the bulb is calculated at four hours use per day.

Whatever, that t.v has been on pretty much fourteen plus hours a day since the day we got it.

I'm like a junkie on the crack when it comes to a 65' t.v. and now I have to cut back and watch all the unimportant stuff like infomercials and the news on regular t.v and save the big one for the good stuff like SpongeBob and soap operas.

I kind of feel bad when he's out working and I'm home watching t.v and eating snacks on the couch, but it times like that I just need to remember.....

If Mamma's happy, everybodys happy!

No News

Ok, so when my Sister, the one who turned forty six yesterday said to me, "you know, I don't really care for the way the blog looks. It isn't really you."
I realized it had been quite some time since I've been here.
That and the few concerned readers checking in on me (thank you few concerned readers.)

So I decided to do some Christmas decorating and say "hi" today.

You see, what happens is, nothing happens, I have nothing to report and I end up not even checking in.
Just like right now the only exciting thing I have to report is that I haven't been reporting.

Wendy and I are still not speaking.
Things have been slow for Mike at work, so he's home ALL the time and as you all know, he sucks the concentration and creativity out of me (in a loving drive you crazy suck the concentration and creativity out of you sort of way)
Wyatt was home most of the week with a pooping problem constipation. What is it with kids and dogs and constipation at our house? Is Wyatt sneaking kibble or do the dogs raid the fridge?
We put the tree up and decorated the house.
One sister stepped closer to fifty and the other one is battling frozen tundra in Montana.
We have DVR'd every Christmas special known to man.
Did you catch the finale of Boston Legal? The B E S T.
We are gearing up for snow and "arctic" weather conditions tonight.
My Mom bought a new old armoire and sold a car.
I've been fighting reeeeeeealy bad headaces.

Thats it.
My life.
You haven't missed much.

I'll make up something for my next post.
I Promise.

Gettin' Ready

Well, except for our tree, I put out all the holiday knick knack crap last night. 

It all looks so good and makes me so happy.

And, then I look around and think about Wendy and cry.

Oh well, no present for her this year, that should shorten up the gift list and save us a few bucks.

I just hope she stays warm and dry in her refrigerator box eating spam.

Thanksgiving was okeydokey.

Not the best, but not quite the worst either.

It was my first Thanksgiving in this house without my Grammy OR my Grampy, throw in the fact that my Dad has been dead for seven years AND it was my first holiday without Stinky the lush.

Needless to say I didn't bother with the good dishes.

Hot food with a holiday theme was enough.

Heres a funny story and I'll try to keep it short.

My Dads last Thanksgiving he was pretty grouchy.

The chemo, the aches and pains and depression took quite a toll on him.

That morning I had been busy cooking and getting ready with Wyatt and a dog or two underfoot (in my single wide) and was multi-tasking by laundering all the bedding.

I had decided to wash the pillows as Wy had a tendency to chew and spew on them, not taking into consideration that twenty year old goose down pillows may not "weather" a second hand twenty year old washer.

Imagine if you will, twenty minutes passing, a horrendous off balance thumping, and feathers 

e v e r y w h e r e ......

It was a sight that brings tears to my eyes to this day.

In a single wide, the washer and dryer are usually in the hall with the back door directly across from the appliances.

I started throwin' feathers out that door into the backyard as fast as I could, but the more I threw the worse it got.

There were feathers in the hall, feathers on me, feathers on the baby, feathers on the wall. 

Feathers in the grass, feathers on the deck, feathers on the dog, I was in feathers up to my ASS.

As dinner was cooking and the baby was crying and I was cleaning feathers out of the washing machine, my Dad pulled in the driveway.

He walked in the door, took an assessment of my situation, shook his head and said....

"What the hell are you doing... You don't have to wash the Gaw dammd thing before you cook it."

About that time, Wyatt took off his diaper, peed in the potted plat, I started crying  and someone kicked the dog.

GAME ON!

The holidays were off to a grand start!