Blahging About Blogging

My very best blog friend 4 Shoes is back to blogging!
You really have no idea how happy this makes me, she has inspired me to blog again and now I want her to blog every single day!
It seems as though most of my circle of blogs fell out of the loop somewhere along the line and moved to the ever expanding, thought sharing, junk food shaming, over memeing, totally addicting, soul sucking Facebook.
There I have watched children grow, marriages come and go, holidays celebrated and meals prepared.
It is so satisfying and such a quick fix, but here's the problem, I have no reference on my life.
I don't post about the happenings of my day or the funny or horrible or horribly funny things that happen and even more often don't happen in my own life.

When I started this blog it was The Trailerparks Farm.

It was a place for me to post every day about what was happening within my family and for my family as I cared for our aging grandparents, but it quickly turned into a thing that I loved to do and I found a community that made me laugh and sometimes even cry as they shared their lives with me and the rest of the world.
And so, I blogged.
And blogged.
And blogged.
And blogged.
And then, I stopped.
And now I have no reference to the things that have gone on in my life, except for what sticks to the sticky part of my brain and the BIG stuff that I would remember anyway.

I want to get back to my blogging basics and start posting all the boring stuff.
Pictures of cats, crappy arts and crafts and I want to talk way too much about the kid that calls me "Tranny" because he can't pronounce a hard "G".

And I suppose if I talk too much about that stuff, you could just click out and go find something interesting on Youtube or call your mom or something.

And I guess if you're one of the thirtytwoeleventeen people that end up here because you think I'm the Dirty Jobs Fat Bottom Farm (I'm not) you will figure it out and keep looking for them on Google
(They're not there) and just for the record, our farm is NOT named after their farm, we were fat before they were on T.V and our fat bottoms are donkeys not goats.
Jack asses, fat donkeys, fat asses, can't say fat ass on the internet, fat bottoms, Fat Bottom Farm.
Donkeys.
And I do make soap, but I do not make goats milk soap because I do not have goats.
I have donkeys.

And a pig.

And sheep.

And dogs and geese and chickens and some cats.

None of which would make very good "milk" soaps so I stick with the basic home made, cold process milk free soaps that you can buy here at the Fat Bottom Etsy.

So, what all of this has been about, is, I'm going to try to get back to some basic blogging, and if most of my other blogging friends are gone, I hope to make a lot of new blogging friends who like to talk about a lot of boring stuff and look at pictures of cats and kids and crochet projects, and cake, and soap and failed craft projects that would have been better off just left looked at on Pinterest.

Sound good?
Good!

Peas.

Living Room School

I've signed Wyatt up for home school.
I have really been struggling with this decision and what everyone will think of me for doing this, mainly because I have always been my own biggest critic of home school, making jokes like "If we home schooled we would major in Spongebob and organized field trips would be going to Dairy Queen hahahahahaha!"
See?
How do you come back from that?
I have quite a few reasons that have led me to my final we'll try it for a while decision.
The first is this, and don't give me the business about it or think I'm some sort of nancy because I know what the odds are, but you know what, there were quite a few "someones" on that missing Malaysia flight and everyday "someone" is in a car accident, hit by lightning or slips on the soap in the shower, so that just goes to show that anyone could be a someone.
The last reported school shooting of the year was in Troutdale Oregon which just happens to be one county over from me. That made things very real. We are also the state of Kip Kinkle so there are two very real and very devastating examples of young minds running amuck.

As some of you may already know, Wyatt has a very sensitive, creative, whimsical, wandering brain. Always has had, always will. While other little boys were playing kung foo ninja panda, Wyatt was arranging and delivering flowers to the elderly ladies in the trailer park. He would visit me in the salon while I was working and compliment all the ladies on their "lovely" jewelry and "hairdos". As he's grown older and all the other boys have gone on to motocross and things that blow up, Wyatt has taken to designing and creating jewelry. He is a very cool, maybe even verging a little bit on hipster, inteligent young man, but he has yet to really find his social niche at school and has been bullied a great deal over the years. He is also not really the type of kid where a situation like that will "toughen him up". I had him in Karate when he was younger and he took another kid to the mat and inadvertently bloodied the kids nose. I ended up having to take him home because he wouldn't quit crying because he felt so bad.
So there's that.
And then there's the bullying.
I'm not even going to start about the bullying because I will just come across as some crazed mother standing on her soap box preaching about the horrible effects of bullying. I know how bad it is, you know how bad it is, unless you have been bullied you will never know how damaging it is and how it makes you feel for the rest of your life. If you know a bully, say something. If you are a bully, knock it the f#ck off. If you know someone who is being bullied, reach out to them and help.

Now, because of Wyatt's wandering brain he has a very difficult time focusing on the task at hand. Rather it be tying his shoe, brushing his teeth or doing a math equation. God help us all if the kid ever gets a drivers license. Wyatt can understand a concept at school, but it will be long gone by the time he gets home. He is also known by too many teachers for his amazing ability of taking creative license to assignments. Last year he had a project due on the erosion of the coral reef and spent an entire weekend creating a two foot high diorama complete with crocheted jellyfish and glitter starfish. He forgot about the actual research until 5:00 am Monday morning. And so, for that reason home school could either go very very well, or very very bad.
It's a carp shoot.

The last reason is the one that makes my eyes wet, so I'm not going to really get into it and I don't know if it's him or me, or me projecting it on to him, or him playing me to get to stay up late and not go to school, but "it" of course is the Chrysler Building in the living room, the bad "h" word, the whole dropping dead thing. In case you missed out on my month long vacation last winter, you can read about it here. I just had an ultrasound of my heart this month and it looks like my arteries are healing, but I still have the aneurysm in my left ventricle and my heart is functioning at about 55-65%.
So that sucks.
The doctors say we all have a touch of PTSD, and I get that. I don't like to go to town by myself and my nitro is never more than a step away and I don't want to be a syndrome creating a bigger syndrome, but this year, I think we'll just curl up and embrace our little bits of PTSD, FMD, OCD, AD, CHF, CAD, EDS, PostMS and get some GE in K12 Online.

Wish me luck.

Peas.

Happy Days

Sorry I missed you yesterday, Wendy surprised us at 6:15 in the morning.
Wyatt was just getting ready to head out to the bus when the dogs went bananas and Wendy bounded through the door!
What a great surprise and I'm sure I don't need to tell you that of course Wyatt did NOT want to go to school if his sister was going to be spending the day, but I kicked his butt out the door anyway.

I guess the douchebag actually has a job and it's somewhere down the highway past our house and that's why he dropped her off so early.
Wendy say's he's a rigging repairman, but I can assure you I wouldn't want any rigging on my job site that that sfb (sh!t for brains) worked on and anyway I'm sure he's nothing more than a glorified gopher.
No offense to gophers.
But I'm not going to say anything bad about that waste of breathe today because this is all about the good time we had yesterday.

What contributed to our super fun day yesterday was this...

This is Judy.

She's a surprise sheep :)

Her mother is one of the 100 year old ewes that my Grampy had and there are only four of them left.
I guess Dan the Ram took a fancy to one of those old girls and look what they made.

A little Judy ❤

That ewe is so old we were surprised she was even able to carry her and let me tell you, she is one little teeny tiny lamb.

We watched them together for quite a while and then decided we needed to load her up and bring her down and make her a spot in the recovery room with Pepper.

We mixed her up a bottle and made her a nice warm bed and she settled right in

 Wendy is the one that chose the name Judy.
Wyatt and I had decided on Blossom after Wyatt had told me she was a he and we had named him Shaun, but then Wen came out and said we needed to name her Judy since Grampy loved Judge Judy and since she was going to be carrying the lineage of GPK sheep she needed to be named in honor of him.

She's a good eater...

And she's sooooo sweet

In Other News

I think you should probably be sitting down for this.

Today I received child support from that Jackass 4&5!

{Wyatts Dad}

That M'r F'r called on Saturday to tell me that his Captain on the boat he fished last summer paid the money out of his own pocket because the state was so far up his a$$ about paying and threatening him with an audit.

Like that was my fault.

Keep in mind this is the first time we've heard from him since July.

And he's NINE years behind in child support.

He played the injured party card and yelled at me and told me what a terrible person I was for making his boss pay all that money and he hoped I was happy. 

I told him the only thing that could make me any happier was if he were to be hit by a bus.

Then he asked to speak to Wyatt and that's when sh!t really hit the fan!

Wyatt was so calm and so cool and in no uncertain terms told that Jackass just what he thought of him.

He asked him if he knew when his birthday was and of course Jack didn't know and when Wyatt asked if he even knew how old he was that idiot said fourteen!

Wyatt is eleven.

Oh well, at least we got something.

I'm taking Wyatt to Toys-R-Us this afternoon after school to get a new Bionicle to celebrate our financial windfall.

I'm sure it will be the last we see for awhile.

Today I'm making candles.

Life is good.

Peas.

School, Soap And Some Other Stuff

Ahhhh, thats more like it.
The house is quiet again, but I guess it's always quiet in the house before the sun comes up, so I really won't get the full effect of School being back in session until around 10:00 and by then I'll be missing him so really, I can't win.
My favorite days of school are the first days back after a long break.
You know like summer and winter, because there's always new clothes involved and for those first sweet few days my child doesn't look like an orphan.
His hair is cut, his clothes are clean and fit him reasonably well and he smells good.
Speaking of smelling, remember the Axe attack of last spring... Thank gawd that's over.
Of course it's over after investing at least a full months salary into having my son smell like a guatemalan whorehouse, but hey, so long as it's over I'm not complaining.
Maybe that's what I should do with all my spare time, start an Axe awareness group for new mothers of tweens.
You know, just be there to comfort and support them, teach them the art of Ben Gay under the nostrils and how to borrow from your child's college fund to support his Axe habit.
I think I'm on to something here...

Today is the day that I officially begin to consider the idea of taking down the Christmas crap.
I know, I'll feel better once it's done, clean space, it's like a new house blah blah blah I know I've been reading it on every blog.
How after putting away the holiday decor everyone suddenly feels so renewed which I find interesting considering how wonderful and full of love and warmth everyone felt last month after putting all thissh!t out.
I'll let you in on a little secret, my house wasn't very clean before Christmas and it won't be very clean after I box all this stuff up.
Thats just how I roll.

I'm crocheting headband earwarmer things.
So far I think they're pretty cool.
I'll post a picture when I'm finished.
They're super simple. Like me. : )

I made bengal spice soap with a smidge of cinnamon yesterday.
I'm excited to cut it and see if the cinnamon line through the center turned out like I planned.
It's colored and scented with tea so it has a very light "organiky" feel to it.
I'll just go cut it, hang on a sec....

Ok, I'm back and the soap turned out great!

The scent is so light it's almost unscented, so if your a no fru fru kinda soap lover this is right up your alley!

Ok, that's all for now.

See you tomorrow.

Peas.

Ramblings...

Um, I think it was yesterday that I said our year was off to a great start.
I spoke to soon.
We lost Timber yesterday and I now believe it was a parasite carried by white tail deer that hit both Tina and Timber. I found them both laying in the same position within a month from one another.
My heart is broken beyond words.
I can't talk about it anymore.

Wyatt goes back to school tomorrow and even though I love having him home, he also kind of sort of drives me nuts.
Today we will spend the day crafting together and maybe make a cupcake casserole and finish off his last day of freedom with Hamburger Helper (gag) for dinner.
He'll eat it, not me.
It's his last box of Christmas Hamburger Helper and he has loved each box more than the box before. (gag)

I think I'll make some soap today and maybe start a rug.
I need to do something to keep my mind occupied because if I don't I start bawling just like I'm doing now because I'm talking about it after I said I wouldn't talk about it.

6 is on his way home from the frozen north and should be able to spend at least one day at home this weekend.
I start thinking of all the projects we can get done in a short amount of time the minute he tells me he's coming home.
This weekend I think we need to tackle the big burn piles left over from when we had some hazard trees taken down in the mobile spaces.

I really wish he could get a week off and that we had a bazillion dollars so we could do something about the falling down barn.
It's not one of those cool old falling down barns, it's just a mid century fixer upper that has past fixer upper stage and gone straight to falling down stage.

I have to say, I'm really happy to be back on Blogger.
I missed my updating blogroll and love feeling like part of a blogging community again.
A friend of mine just started a knitting blog, Grammie Vee's Knitting and I'm so glad she chose to do it here.
If you love to knit or crochet you will love her blog, go check it out!

A Little Off The Top

Ahhh.... So far the year is off to a great start.
I guess I should think about taking the Christmas decorations down, but we put them all up so late it seems to soon to take them down.
I think I'll leave them up until someone complains.

Wyatt and I went to town last night to finish off a few of his gift cards and I decided that since I had him captive in the truck and I was also the keeper of the cash I could make a few demands with a pretty high possibility of having them met.
But I also knew my window of opportunity was small so it was go big or go home.
I threw out the gauntlet.

It was time for a haircut.

Stronger men had gone before me and failed.
6 took him in before Christmas and Wyatt walked away with no more than a Bieber trim.
They may as well have thrown fifteen dollars out the window and backed over it because other than a slight feather the results were unnoticeable.

Wyatt was the victor of that round.

But I would not go down easy.
It was either a full on fade with a number five guard or nothing.
He accepted my challenge.
No deal.
He would sacrifice the cash and go home.
But by that time I was already in town and with the new nine cent gas tax the stakes were to high to turn around.
I threw in a #1 at Little Ceasers.
The seven dollar large pepperoni and breadstick combo, but I had to promise we could eat it in the parking lot.
Deal.

We went from this...

To this...

Yes, the New Year is off to a good start indeed.

Peas.

Just Five More Minutes...

Thats it.

I'm done.

No more six a.m wake ups.

We're homeschooling.

I know, I know what you're thinking... But Marilyn, haven't you always said if you were to homeschool you would major in Spongebob? Yes, I have said that, but we don't watch Spongebob anymore.

It doesn't matter how tired I am or how early I go to bed, I can never ever get to sleep before midnight and so when that stupid alarm goes off I always throw it on the floor hit snooze and then wake up to late and it's like a chinese fire drill getting out the door on time.

Well, now that I'm awake and he's on the bus maybe I won't sign him up today, and Christmas break does start on Monday, but I swear if waking up sucks this bad in January I'm doing it and you can't stop me.

There was a tornado about sixty miles south of here yesterday and they sounded the tornado alarm at school. I thought it was weird when Wyatt told me they locked them in the classroom. Is that weird or is it just me? I wonder why they lock the doors. I'll Google it.

You know what else is weird?

A tornado in Oregon.

Do you know what today is?

Fahrens Birthday!!



I stole this picture from her facebook just now and since I don't know if she'll get mad at me or not I decided not to show her face. If you could see her face though you would see how beautiful she is ♥

Fahren's Mother is not my oldest sister but she just had her birthday on Sunday and she isn't fifty. Yet. But she will be fifty before me. I just like to remind her of that. Alot.

Anyway, I love you both very much Julie and Fahren and I hope you both have a wonderful year!

Peas out.

You can't name That Tune

I remember when I found out I was going to have a baby... Both times.

In my mind I envisioned blowing raspberries on their bellies and playing piggies on their toes.

I remember the day I got them... Both of them. Those beautiful little faces, their eyes meeting mine for the first time. I remember the way they smelled and the absolute joy I felt when I held them in my arms close to my heart.

But something happens as time goes by that changes how you view your perfect little cherubs. Like douchebag boyfriends and band.

Last night was Wyatt's first band concert and my ears are still ringing from the misplayed notes of Hot Crossed Buns and a version of Jingle Bells (I think) that I'm sure even the original composer would fail to recognize.

When Wendy was in sixth grade I forbid her to be in band because I was in band and I know what those instruments sound like when they have the misfortune of being handled by middle schoolers and I remembered how torturous those performances were. Lucky for me, Wendy was the kind of kid that didn't argue or ask questions and happily signed up for choir, which still requires a mandatory Christmas performance appearance but the stakes aren't nearly as high.

But then there's Wy. The way I see it Wyatt either possesses magical powers or I've gone soft as a parent. Probably the latter. That kid has a way of getting everything and doing anything and somehow always manages to convince me he's full of great ideas... Until those great ideas have a direct negative impact on me. For instance, last summer when he decided to catch crawdaddys in the pond with hotdogs on a string and then I had to cook them when I had no idea how to cook crawdaddys and then the crawdaddys heads were full of crawdaddy eggbrains (I think I just threw up in my mouth a little).

Or band.

I guess I'm lucky that Wyatt is obviously a clarinet prodigy because he has NEVER practiced at home. I swear I have never heard him play a note, but last night on that stage with homeless hair and a borrowed tie he belted out those songs with pride and afterwards asked if I could hear him from where I was sitting (as close to the parking lot as possible) as he beamed over his success as a blossoming musician.  So I guess I'm ok with him being musically inclined, as long as I don't have to attend another concert until he's been accepted to the Portland Symphony.

On a lighter note...   ;)

I think 6 will FINALLY be home tonight. I swear, his Mother must feel like she's hit the jackpot and he and I got a divorce and she has him home again. Most of his loads take him up north so that means layovers back home which is really a good thing because he's getting to spend time with his Mom and Maddy. Ever since we moved down here, almost five years ago, he hasn't been able to see them nearly as much as he'd like and he's missed out on so many things like birthdays (and band concerts lucky bastard) and so many other milestones that are so hard to miss. So, even though it's hard to be home alone for so long, I know it just builds my character and keeps my ass from getting to ginormous and at least we get to see him a few days a month which is better than when he was gone to Iraq. I have to say, it's really nice to miss him and not hate his guts anymore. I suppose everyone does stupid things, look at me, I've done at least five stupid things and at least two REALLY stupid things~Jack~and we all deserve a do-over. I'm really glad he's doing his so well ♡

See you tomorrow.

After School Special

Well the whole a-hole teacher situation worked out great! I decided to use reverse psychology on him just like I do my kids and he was like putty in my hands. ACCKK... I just took my first drink of coffee and it tastes like Juan valdezs' donkey made it!

Gag.

Gross, I'll be right back.

That was a whole pot do-over.

Anyway, the principle and the counselor we fantastic and I felt like they really had Wyatt's back and were on board to get things on track to help create a less chaotic classroom environment.

You know, it's not to often anymore that I have to go out into the world and interact with people and use big words. To better understand this you have to realize that I used to be a social queen, working around people ten hours a day and loving it plus being socially involved (a busybody) with my entire downtown community. I knew what was going on with everyone, who was dating who, who was getting a divorce, who got fired, who got hired, you name it, I knew it. It was like a second full-time job for me, keeping up on everyone elses business, but on top of all that I also found time to be somewhat attractive or at least inoffensive to look at. Not so much anymore. It took me at least thirty minutes to pick out clothes to wear yesterday. I had to find pants to wear without an elastic waistband, shoes that weren't covered in mud, a bra that lifted and seperated and a shirt that didn't have food stains across the chest. When I fired up my flat iron and grabbed a brush I almost fainted over the amount of grey hair on my head and when I leaned into the mirror to get a closer look I got an eye-full of my unwaxed brow (at this point singular is correct) so I grabbed 6's razor and cut myself shaving it and had to apply a toilet paper spit wad over my left eye that I luckily remembered to remove before going into the school. Gawd, I used to be bleach blonde and height weight proportionate and now I'm a grey haired fatty frump with razor burned brows. Oh well, I guess I could always go on a diet and buy a bottle of peroxide, but I kind of like things how they are, and I really like having ice cream for breakfast and pancakes for dinner.

Ugh.

The cow man commeth.

Goodbye pain in the ass cows that have caused me so much grief the past twelve months.

Buddy will miss you.



I have to go make slippers.

See you tommorow.

Oh yeah, one more thing, remember to click on the Facebook box over there on the right. I'm going to quit posting blog updates on my personal page soon (Susan, just hit like and your in) and I don't want you to be left behind :)

Thanksgiving Crafts and Cooking!

~Repost from Friday~

Ok, so as promised in yesterdays post, today I have gathered some different examples on how to add to your holiday enjoyment through simple crafting and creative cooking. It has always been my belief that the family that drinks crafts and cooks together stays together.

 

So let's get started...

It's always fun to show your holiday spirit through fashion and nothing says I'm thankful like a sweater vest!



So go ahead and make a real sleeveless statement and flaunt your bounty in a cozy colorful poly acrylic blend. These timeless beauty's are a cinch to make, just cut the sleeves off an old sweater and hot glue on some seasonal applique!

When it's time to gather with the kids here are a few craft ideas to really drive home the true meaning of the day.

Toilet paper pilgrims!

 

These TP pilgrim puppets will keep the little ones delighted for hours and while they're spending time exploring the new world you can work on "covering their base" by whipping up this lovely crochet toilet tissue cover!



Seriously, your friends and family will definitely feel the warmth of your giving when they go to grab that swaddled roll.

Now lets move on to the kitchen...

Not everyone in you clan may be up for a poultry feast so it's alway a good idea to serve a vegan dish as well, and I find that a nice jello mold always puts a smile on those meat free mugs!



This dish will take a little time to set up, so start preparing right after you tap the wine when you wake up, and remember to garnish with a little fresh fruit. If you don't have any fresh, a nice can of cocktail will work in a pinch.



Now, if you remember, yesterday I made quite a to-do about cranberry sauce and how I'm particular to the can brand, but today I found an enticing new way to serve cranberries in the round...



Now that's what I call going "full circle" and trust me when I tell you that I'm looking forward to making that bold leap from jellied disc to molded ring!

But I realize that not everyone may share the same love of the little red berry and so for the rest of you I found this to set upon your holiday table...

 

Beautiful right?

Ruby red crocheted fauxberries, ridges and all!

Ok, winding things down, it's always nice to have a wide array of desserts to offer. Tired of the same old hum drum pumpkin pie?

Try these...

 

 

Rice Krispi Turkeys with mini marshmallows and fruit loops!

And last but not least lets not forget our four-legged friends!

 

 

They will be truly thankful Thanksgiving only comes once a year.

Well, that wraps things up for my Thanksgiving Tips and Treats post, have a great weekend!

 

Not Very Alarming...

Ugh... My brain is in spaz mode right now because for like the thirteenth morning in a row my alarm didn't go off,  and today I woke up with only six minutes to get Wyatt out the door. I'm not sure what I even packed in his lunch, for all I know, he may be having a can of Spam and some sweetened condensed milk for lunch, and I guarantee you he isn't wearing clean underpants but I do know he took a swipe at his teeth albeit I'm sure with a dry brush.

Oh well, we get a do-over tomorrow.

And tonight I'm going to get a different clock, I'm through giving my stupid other broken one chances. I mean it.

Wendy was here yesterday ♡

We had a really nice day even though she's still pretty sick. Every time she coughed I thought she was going to spit a lung out on my coffee table so I dosed her up with cough syrup and cough drops and some Sudafed which helped, but she was still coughing and gagging all day, so we just took it easy and watched documentaries about obesity and meth addicts. I know that sounds depressing, but really it makes you feel good about who you are because you don't weigh a metric ton or snort battery acid.

SH!T!!!!DARN!!!

I forgot to take the garbage out and the truck just went by.

Mannnnn I hate it when I forget to take the garbage out, but when 6 is gone we hardly have any garbage. I wonder why that is.

Back to Wendy.

She looks good, but she has jet black hair with two red stripes in the front on either side of her face but I just acted like I didn't notice and I didn't say anything, but that got shot all to hell when Wyatt came home and said

WENDYYOURHAIRISBLACKWITHREDSTRIPES

and so then I said  oh yeah, cute :)  I kind of think she knows it's pretty wild, and she is in beauty school and I just need to settle down and remember that when I was in beauty school I had red hair for Valentines Day and green hair for St Paddy's Day and dated Wayne Radder and so maybe this too shall pass.

The wind blew so hard here last night, I think some of your stuff is in my yard. The dogs were barking all night as things crashed and banged and I laid in bed remembering the Wizard of Oz and envisioned chickens being blown past the house and that skinny b!tch from the mobile spaces riding by on a stationary bicycle.

I think Astro just pooped in a plant.

See ya tomorrow.

Sickness & Celebrations

Hello?

Can you hear me?

I have ben sooooo sick I thought for sure I was gonna tip over.

I was so sick I envisioned my kids arguing over who was going to get Pooter and Pearl after I was gone...



And knowing for sure a fight would ensue over Astro the cutest kitten in the whole world.



And as I laid there I wondered if my family would really follow through with my wishes of playing Fly Me To The Moon and Lime and the Coconut at my services and serve wiener winks and Little Smokies in grape jam like I requested or if they'd just bring in a pizza and some garlic bread from Papa Murphys.

If my Sister was in charge of things I know she'd serve a nice lasagna and offer a variety of pies.

{Note to self, put Julie in charge of  send off social}

Anyway I'm up and around today but moving pretty slow, well slower than usual... But up is good, and being able to breathe is good and being able to talk is good (for me) and being able to Twitter, Facebook and Etsy is really good (no laptop.)

Wendy is coming out today!

I haven't seen her in a few weeks so I'm soooper excited to see her and hear how school is going and hopefully she'll tell me that she's seen the light and realized what a d-bag her stupid boyfriend is and that she's met a wonderful, smart handsome guy with a car and a job who doesn't live with his parents and has a valid drivers license and can pass a drug test with his own pee. I know, I'm asking a lot, but I can dream, right?

And..... Last but not least, today is 6's Birthday!



I have nothing romantic or mushy to say, only this... Thank gawd you're finally older than me (you can tell by the picture how old he is) and I hope you have a wonderful day in Canada and I hope that you get me a way better gift for my Birthday than I got you for yours.

In other Birthday news, my oldest friend in the whole world is celebrating today too!



I  have nothing mushy to say to you either.

Thankfully we established a non sensitivity pack in the very beginning of our friendship when you gave me a bloody nose when we had to walk hand in hand to the lunchroom because I had sweaty hands.

So, my gift to you Valerie is that I have ALWAYS let you be skinnier than me and a reminder that you were NEVER the purse watcher.

I love you both.

❤

Blog Potpourri

You know what makes me mad?

The fact that Wyatt's Dad gets away with not paying child support.

Ever.

How does that work?

What a jerk.

Speaking of Wyatt, I'm mad at him too. He had me sign his progress report this morning and it totally sucked. I need to figure out how to make his education a priority to him. He is so focused on his artwork and creativity which I want to support and I do support, but how do I also instill in him the importance of science, math, and the english language. Not like I'm one to talk or anything, it's hard to stand on the soap box while being the poster child of poor choices, but maybe I could be an example of what not to do, but then I'm afraid I'd lose any shred of credibility that I may have.

Example:

"Wyatt, I dropped out of school and got married six times, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Do you see my dilemma?

I need Oprah or Bill Gates to have a talk with him because I don't think I'm getting through.

 

Are you SO glad the election is over!!!

At this point I don't even care who won, I am just so glad it's over but I'm also SO mad that campaigning for 2012 begins tomorrow.

I think that all these jerks would be better off donating the money they spend on campaigning to the causes they support instead of on stupid commercials, yard signs and bumper stickers. Just think if all the campaign moneys had gone to the state deficits instead of down the toilet, or to the schools or the VA or homeless shelters or food banks.

I'm in favor of term limits and running on your own merits. That's what I call change.

Ok, that's all. I have to go to town this morning because...

I have to go to the bank.

And the grocery store

And the gas station.

And the post office.

Oh and what else...

Hmmm, I know there's one other place I have to go.

Oh yeah.

To my Mothers.

To get...

The computer she's giving me because she bought a new MacBook Pro so I get her old one that isn't even hardly old a shiny new (to me) glossy screen 21 inch backlit iMac!!!

OMG!!!

So now I'll have my tried and true heart of my heart air that I breathe iMac that my favorite sister gave me upstairs in my craft room and a sparkly new (to me) one downstairs!

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world :)

Except for that part about not getting child support and being married so many times.

 

No Tricks and Very Few Treats

Have you ever taken a really big drink from the wrong cup of coffee?

I just did.

Moral of this story... Never put todays cup of coffee next to yesterdays cup of coffee.

We went Trick-or-treating last night and it was a total bust.

Let me preface this story by saying I despise it when people say "back when I was a kid" or "I remember when" or "In my day" because back when you were a kid you were a kid and most of the time (most of the time) life sucks more for adults.

With that being said, when I was a kid we got dressed up, grabbed a pillow case, do you say pillow case or pillow sheet? I say pillow case. And RAN from house to house. Our parents didn't walk with us or follow behind in the car and we went out immediately after dinner and didn't come home until we had finished the job. We got a lot of popcorn balls and sometimes a caramel do you say cAre-a-mel or CAR-mal? I say CARmal. Caramel apples that I sucked the caramel off of because it was kind of slimy and watery, not like caramel on the apples that you get at the fair.

We got quarters and little sacks of candy corn, cookies and of course all the other stuff you would expect, but let me tell you, that is NOT how it is in 2010.

Kids walk from house to house and they all have a cell phone to their ear, except for the really little ones whose parents carry them from house to house and then just set them down in front of the door and then pick them up again and carry them to the next house. There is NO running, no pushing anyone out-of-the-way, no stomping through anyones yard to be the first to the door, it is completely civilized AND these dumb kids are satisfied after only an hour or so and less than a pound of candy in the bag. Now I ask you, how is one pound of candy supposed to sustain both Me and Wyatt for more than a day or so especially after you discount all the dumb stuff like SweeTarts and Three Musketeers. And it bothers me SO much that there is NO running. NO one was running. What the hell. There is supposed to be running on Halloween.

And let me tell you something else, the best reason to have more than one kid is more than one candy bag but I made the mistake of having my kids fifteen years apart so that doesn't work. I still have the headache of two kids, I still have to buy Christmas gifts for two kids and of course the obvious issue that I will have raised children from the time I was sixteen years old till the time I am fifty  and still only have a fifty-fifty chance of having one turn out right AND I only get one bag of candy a year.

Let me tell you what I think the problem is.

I think the problem is that we have ruined our kids.

We feed them whenever they are hungry and we feed them good stuff. I used to have to eat gross stuff, but I ate it because I was hungry and I knew that if I didn't eat it I would starve to death and die.

If Wyatt doesn't like what I make for dinner (like I would ever even consider making something he doesn't like) he knows that he can just have a little Ben and Jerry's or some Easy Mac later. He also knows that if we're at the store I'll buy him stuff that he likes like cereal that doesn't taste like the box it comes in.

So really, why should he worry about hiding candy in his underwear drawer when he knows all he has to do is ask for it and I'll buy it for him.

GAH! I have done this.

I have screwed myself out of the Halloween haul.

6 left for his new job yesterday. They rented him a car and he and some other guy drove to somewhere in Central Oregon for the meet and greet. I hate to tell you what his new job is because I'll get it wrong and he reads the blog and then he'll get all fussy because I never listen to him when he tells me stuff, but I do listen if it's interesting to me.

He is going to be driving flat bed in more than one state and into Canada.

Ha!

Vague but correct.

He'll be gone for a while and then home for a few days so it won't suck as bad as when he was in Iraq but I also won't have him OCD'ing around the house all the time.

It really is the best of both worlds.

And don't think that I think that I'm some peach to live with because I'm not and I know I'm not. I'm a total slob with complete disregard for other people's stuff.

I never put anything away and I seldom rinse my dishes.

I leave my dirty clothes on the floor and I don't brush my teeth before bed, but I'm very friendly and I used to be pretty so no matter what, he's still a lucky guy :)

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about a HUGE disgusting bug.

This & That

I wonder how many times I can vow to keep current on the blog...

Pooter is sick. Last Friday he was trying to jump up on the bed and couldn't get off the ground. We figured it was a weight issue, helped him up and didn't give it another thought. Saturday he was walking wonky. Sunday he wasn't able to walk or even sit up so first thing Monday morning we were at the vet and they think he has a slipped disc. Pooter needs his own pharmaceutical cabinet now and will require a twelve step program to get off the "junk" by the time this is over and Wyatt can forget about those two years we had planned out for him at the local vocational technical institute because veterinary care ranks right up there with the cost of neurosurgery and I figure we will all be eating cat food by the end of the month.



While I was in the Vet's office with Poo on Monday my cell phone rang. I silenced it and like a real jack ass said, "haha, I hope that isn't Wyatt's school calling." The phone immediately rang again and it was 6 asking why I didn't answer the phone when Wyatt's school called. Turns out, Wyatt got broadsided by some moose while playing four square. Wy landed hard on the black top with two tons on top of him and was pretty banged up and I'm fairly certain he had a concussion considering he broke out in a shirt drenching sweat and his pupils were the size of dinner plates. I called his pediatrician and she said to take him in to the E.R, but we don't have insurance so I decided that since I watch a lot of doctor shows on t.v I could monitor him myself. Lucky for us he came through like a champ.

Today is the first middle school dance and Wyatt and LeeAnn are going together. Afterwards, she is riding the bus home with him and spending the night because Friday night is swim night at the Molalla Pool. I bet Wyatt is the only kid who's date for the dance spends the night :)



Wendy moved back in with her douche bag boyfriend and thats all I have to say about that.

I made a heart wrenching decision to sell our goats. There was no way we could keep them separate from the chickens OR out of the hen house. We tried moving them to another part of the farm but they wanted to be with the hens and would escape from wherever we moved them to. I either had to pen the flock or sell the goats. It makes my eyes leak when I think about them, but they ended up with a really nice family on a goats only compound. The reason they are a goats only compound is because they used to be a goat and one mule compound but they traded their mule for our goats. So now we're down two chicken feed eating goats and up one hay burning mule. I'm not sure who came out ahead in that deal.

This is Molly our new senior spotted mule ❤



I have to go to trailerpark school tomorrow. In the state of Oregon if you have four or more mobile spaces you are considered a trailerpark and have to register with the state and go to school every year. I'm ok with it because the last family that moved in turned out to be a bunch of a-holes and I need to learn what the laws are when it comes to dealing with trailer dwelling douches.



I made some deelish pumpkin spice soy candles yesterday and now the house smells soooo good.



My friend Linda over at Fat Cat started making crochet jewelry and so of course that meant I had to make some too and now I can't stop making it. I need to get some big girl beads though.

I'm using wire and hemp and loving it!



And.... I made another rug! I started AND finished it in TWO days. Better than the four months it took me to finish the last one.



*Fat Bottom Blog word of the day is douche

douche |doō sh |noun

A person who exhibits douche like behavior

ORIGIN mid 18th cent. (as a noun): via French from Italian doccia ‘conduit pipe,’ from docciare ‘pour by drops,’ based on Latinductus ‘leading’ (see duct ).

Friends and Family

Everything is so quiet today.

I feel like I should be in  a commercial for a Bose noise blocker.



Really though, since I'm still lounging around in my robe and rubber boots I feel like some loony old woman ditched in a home after the family left. You know, like it was all good and fun when everyone was here but now I just sit and look out the window and wait for them to come back...

Lucky for me 3:15 rolls around pretty quick ❤

Ummm... Ok, so listen to THIS!

6 and I were in town last Thursday and my phone rings while we're in the paint section at Bi-Mart. It was Wyatt and from the sound of his voice I thought a goat had chewed his leg off. He was so hysterical I couldn't make out a word he said except for... Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Maybe you should sit down....

He said.... "Wendy is here she's moving in!"

I almost threw up right there in the rattle can aisle.

I told him I had to finish my shopping, but what I really meant was I needed to peel myself from the floor and make a trip to the ladies room.

All kinds of things were running through my mind. What had happened? Why was she home? She hadn't called to say she was coming or needed help packing. Other than Wyatt melting down things sounded pretty steady at the house, there wasn't any crying and it didn't sound like Jesse Ass Face Butt Hole Boyfriend  was there causing a commotion.

What was up?

OMG, was she pregnant?

I was scared to go home.

6 and I walked around Bi-Mart for awhile and then decided we needed to go face things head on.

Shit, I left the hose on, BRB...

Ok, where was I?

Oh... So we got home and there was Wen sitting on the porch laughing with some lady and Wyatt stuck to her side. The lady stood up and walked over to me and gave me a hug and said, "I brought your girl home." I thanked her, but wasn't to sure if I was really thankful or not. Remember, it's been a pretty f'ed up two years and our last meeting really sucked.

Wendy was really calm and told me she had "just had enough".

Really?

Just had enough?

Shit, I "just had enough" about a year and ten months ago.

My apologies go out to all of you who were with me during the Jack years. I imagine you're pulling your hair out and writhing on the floor as I recant this story, but now I understand that karma is a bitch and I guess I had this coming.

Wendy now lives upstairs with her brother stuck to her backside. She is doing really well in school and I think she is heading down a really good path that I hope will lead her to wonderful places amen.

Trina and Chrissi and the kids arrived on Friday, and we had SO much fun!

The kids loved the animals ❤



And we made ice candles...



And did some trailer park tie dye...

And then this happened...
And then this...

Oh well, other than the fact that I was a helmet wearing window licker all the next day it was SO worth it!

There was a lot of life going on here last weekend,

so I guess it's ok if things are a little quiet today :)

I think I'll go get dressed now.