No Tricks and Very Few Treats

Have you ever taken a really big drink from the wrong cup of coffee?

I just did.

Moral of this story... Never put todays cup of coffee next to yesterdays cup of coffee.

We went Trick-or-treating last night and it was a total bust.

Let me preface this story by saying I despise it when people say "back when I was a kid" or "I remember when" or "In my day" because back when you were a kid you were a kid and most of the time (most of the time) life sucks more for adults.

With that being said, when I was a kid we got dressed up, grabbed a pillow case, do you say pillow case or pillow sheet? I say pillow case. And RAN from house to house. Our parents didn't walk with us or follow behind in the car and we went out immediately after dinner and didn't come home until we had finished the job. We got a lot of popcorn balls and sometimes a caramel do you say cAre-a-mel or CAR-mal? I say CARmal. Caramel apples that I sucked the caramel off of because it was kind of slimy and watery, not like caramel on the apples that you get at the fair.

We got quarters and little sacks of candy corn, cookies and of course all the other stuff you would expect, but let me tell you, that is NOT how it is in 2010.

Kids walk from house to house and they all have a cell phone to their ear, except for the really little ones whose parents carry them from house to house and then just set them down in front of the door and then pick them up again and carry them to the next house. There is NO running, no pushing anyone out-of-the-way, no stomping through anyones yard to be the first to the door, it is completely civilized AND these dumb kids are satisfied after only an hour or so and less than a pound of candy in the bag. Now I ask you, how is one pound of candy supposed to sustain both Me and Wyatt for more than a day or so especially after you discount all the dumb stuff like SweeTarts and Three Musketeers. And it bothers me SO much that there is NO running. NO one was running. What the hell. There is supposed to be running on Halloween.

And let me tell you something else, the best reason to have more than one kid is more than one candy bag but I made the mistake of having my kids fifteen years apart so that doesn't work. I still have the headache of two kids, I still have to buy Christmas gifts for two kids and of course the obvious issue that I will have raised children from the time I was sixteen years old till the time I am fifty  and still only have a fifty-fifty chance of having one turn out right AND I only get one bag of candy a year.

Let me tell you what I think the problem is.

I think the problem is that we have ruined our kids.

We feed them whenever they are hungry and we feed them good stuff. I used to have to eat gross stuff, but I ate it because I was hungry and I knew that if I didn't eat it I would starve to death and die.

If Wyatt doesn't like what I make for dinner (like I would ever even consider making something he doesn't like) he knows that he can just have a little Ben and Jerry's or some Easy Mac later. He also knows that if we're at the store I'll buy him stuff that he likes like cereal that doesn't taste like the box it comes in.

So really, why should he worry about hiding candy in his underwear drawer when he knows all he has to do is ask for it and I'll buy it for him.

GAH! I have done this.

I have screwed myself out of the Halloween haul.

6 left for his new job yesterday. They rented him a car and he and some other guy drove to somewhere in Central Oregon for the meet and greet. I hate to tell you what his new job is because I'll get it wrong and he reads the blog and then he'll get all fussy because I never listen to him when he tells me stuff, but I do listen if it's interesting to me.

He is going to be driving flat bed in more than one state and into Canada.

Ha!

Vague but correct.

He'll be gone for a while and then home for a few days so it won't suck as bad as when he was in Iraq but I also won't have him OCD'ing around the house all the time.

It really is the best of both worlds.

And don't think that I think that I'm some peach to live with because I'm not and I know I'm not. I'm a total slob with complete disregard for other people's stuff.

I never put anything away and I seldom rinse my dishes.

I leave my dirty clothes on the floor and I don't brush my teeth before bed, but I'm very friendly and I used to be pretty so no matter what, he's still a lucky guy :)

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about a HUGE disgusting bug.