Introspective Sunday

I have a feeling this is going to be long and it's not about the neighbors.
Since you and I are not under any type of contract you are not obligated to listen to my goings on.

Yesterday I was talking to Mom and she told me I needed to change the greeting on my voice mail.
She said my tone was bad and the message was grating.
That made me mad.
That made me mad so the rest of the conversation wasn't going to go anywhere because my focus was no longer positive, it was on myself and the fact that I was mad.

Two points I want to make.
Often times things are better if we keep negative opinions to ourselves.
A conversation is one sided and selfish if our focus is strictly on ourself.

Here's another thing I think.
Being interested in other people makes us interesting to other people.

NObody wants to talk to you if all you want to talk about is yourself, wich is funny because EVERYbody wants to talk about someone else.
Rather it be a co-worker or the President everyone loves discussing what someone else is doing.
I think it's a diversion from our own shortcomings to point out others shortercomings.

This takes me back to hating the neighbors. (The other neighbors down the hill)
I liked hating them because it gave me an easy release.
They were bad and wrong and ugly and just plain no good and I could take all my uncatagorized anger and put it in the neighbor bucket.
Instead of kicking the dog or yelling at Wyatt, I could hate the neighbors.
They didn't know I was hating them, and even if they did I don't think it bothered them.
So when I decided to stop the tirade and realized it wasn't my place to hate them (through a little prompting on GK's part)
I had to think about where I was going to get a new bucket to dump in.
Heres a concept.
No bucket.

That leads me back to the conversation with Mom.
I told her if she didn't like the message to hang up BEFORE she got to the message.
She said she would.
I was still mad.
I went to bed mad because in my mind she had taken the fun out of the message for me.
Speaking of fun messages, does anyone remember the mobile home/waterbed message Val put on my phone the winter of 89'. That was a good message.
O.k.
So I was still mad after 10:00 at night and even contemplated getting up to change the message so that through reverse physcology she would feel bad.
I decided that would be filling a bucket.
Because then every time the phone rang or someone said, "what happened to your message" I would get mad again.

I decided to leave the message how it is and if I'm not home Mom can email a message to me.
I think that's a fair compromise.

I don't want any more full buckets, because what usually ends up happening is the bucket filler eventually gets a whole bucket of shit dumped on their head and has no one to blame but themselves.
Trust me.
I know this.

There has to be a way normal people deal with things.
Or, maybe not.
Maybe thats why people shop, drink, gamble etc.....
Allways looking for a way to fill a void.
Never being happy with what you have. but always looking ahead to something else in hopes it will bring you happiness.
Isn't that the way we are with our kids?
Soon they will walk, soon they will talk, they will be in school soon, they will move out soon, they will get a job etcccc.......
Always looking around the corner to see what better lies ahead.
But when we get to the better, we are so busy looking for more we don't see what we have.
I told you this was going to be long and self serving and theres still time for you to get up and leave if you want.

Listen to this......if your still here.

I loved gaining weight.
I loved every burger, every candy bar, every maple bar and every box of cookies.
I would sit in my big blue chair and think about how good the next thing I ate was going to taste and how good it was going to make me feel.
Kind of the same thing with smoking, but I'm talking about food now.
Then I realized...WoW I'm fat.
Not just a little overweight but 239 pounds fat.
So now, I'm on weight watchers and only thinking about losing weight.
Do you see what I'm saying?
I'd dream about the maple bar, get it, and then right away think about pizza for lunch.
Now, I lose one pound, but I cant wait for five.
hmmmmm..........
Interesting isn't it.
Is it human nature or is it sick in the head?

I could go on, but I won't because more than likely everybodys already gone and I can talk to myself with out having to worry about my spelling. (waiting patiently for my Bday J)

Thank you for your time.

Ciao'