Stolen Words

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all; can't remember most of it.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how living remains so popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone will be stupid enough to try and pass them all.

You can't have everything; where would you put it all?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in the boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in the public schools.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Everybody lies. But it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I wish the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.