Sickness & Celebrations

Hello?

Can you hear me?

I have ben sooooo sick I thought for sure I was gonna tip over.

I was so sick I envisioned my kids arguing over who was going to get Pooter and Pearl after I was gone...



And knowing for sure a fight would ensue over Astro the cutest kitten in the whole world.



And as I laid there I wondered if my family would really follow through with my wishes of playing Fly Me To The Moon and Lime and the Coconut at my services and serve wiener winks and Little Smokies in grape jam like I requested or if they'd just bring in a pizza and some garlic bread from Papa Murphys.

If my Sister was in charge of things I know she'd serve a nice lasagna and offer a variety of pies.

{Note to self, put Julie in charge of  send off social}

Anyway I'm up and around today but moving pretty slow, well slower than usual... But up is good, and being able to breathe is good and being able to talk is good (for me) and being able to Twitter, Facebook and Etsy is really good (no laptop.)

Wendy is coming out today!

I haven't seen her in a few weeks so I'm soooper excited to see her and hear how school is going and hopefully she'll tell me that she's seen the light and realized what a d-bag her stupid boyfriend is and that she's met a wonderful, smart handsome guy with a car and a job who doesn't live with his parents and has a valid drivers license and can pass a drug test with his own pee. I know, I'm asking a lot, but I can dream, right?

And..... Last but not least, today is 6's Birthday!



I have nothing romantic or mushy to say, only this... Thank gawd you're finally older than me (you can tell by the picture how old he is) and I hope you have a wonderful day in Canada and I hope that you get me a way better gift for my Birthday than I got you for yours.

In other Birthday news, my oldest friend in the whole world is celebrating today too!



I  have nothing mushy to say to you either.

Thankfully we established a non sensitivity pack in the very beginning of our friendship when you gave me a bloody nose when we had to walk hand in hand to the lunchroom because I had sweaty hands.

So, my gift to you Valerie is that I have ALWAYS let you be skinnier than me and a reminder that you were NEVER the purse watcher.

I love you both.

❤

Seasons Greetings!

oh. Ma. Gawd.....

I'm sitting here with a fire going, my first cup of Christmas creamer coffee hot and steamy goodness in front of me and Christmas music on the t.v holiday channel.

I feel like I should be wrapping gifts. Maybe I should get a jump-start and just tell everyone this year Christmas is themed and the theme is free or found around the house. I could give my mom a nice desk lamp, my sister a colorful set of  plastic summertime outdoor wine glasses and my other sister a set of lovely gently used cookbooks and three or forty crochet dishrags. I could give 6 some work boots that I already know fit him perfectly, some nice wool socks and a pair of genuine leather work gloves. I could give Wyatt some scissors and printer paper for art projects and eighteen bazillion Bionicles. And I could give Wendy what's left of a can of hairspray I've had for four years  (she is in the beauty industry now you know) an almost new tray of coordinating eye shadows and a box of panty liners. {I want to make sure and keep her gifts personal and not give her anything that her douchebag boyfriend could use or enjoy}

I totally feel like I'm on to something here.

Remember this picture...



How handy is that, my Dad is already wrapped!

I'll re-gift him to myself. He's like the gift that keeps on giving because he's made me happy since the day we met and it doesn't even matter if he's in a box now, just thinking about him makes me smile :)

Well. That's a good feeling, having the holidays knocked out before the stupid seasonal commercials start screaming at me that I need to get up and get out and spendspendspend!

No segway.

Last night I made PW's skinny pork chops.

~PW's Photo~

I can't use my own photo because they aren't on a plate long enough to photograph.

Ummm... They are SO simple and SO deeelicous, they are simply deeelicious.

I swear these will become you very most favorite quicky cheapo dinner.

Mouthwateringly deeelicious.

Did I say how good they are?

Very good.

Ok, I have a rug to finish and I should probably get busy putting up the tree.

See you tomorrow, Merry Christmas!

Kitchen Chaos

This morning as I was loading the dishwasher I did something so shocking I almost blew my own mind. I loaded the silverware heads up. Not just to be a rebel, but to see if there really is a difference in how clean the utensils get. See I was always a heads UP girl and then Trina said that was wrong because then you handle the heads on the way out which totally makes sense to me and add that to the fact that there is less risk of losing a finger or slicing your wrist open heads down but there has always been that nagging voice in me that says heads up.



My sister has a fancy pants dishwasher where the silverware lies on its side on its own shelf and I have anxiety even writing this because I don't get it. See there's a system to loading that kind of rack and if you're the kind of person that struggles with heads up heads down how can you possibly handle on its side in certain order.



I'm having a grit in the butt of my glasses issue with my washer too. I wonder what that's all about.

Now I'm going to tell you something that might make you decide you don't like me.

I'm going to share with you what a freak I am.

A few years ago 6 got me a set of Rachel Ray pots and pans but I gave them to his mother because Rachel Ray drives me nuts because she's always licking the corner of her mouth and I couldn't concentrate on cooking, all I could think about was Rachel Ray licking the corner of her mouth and I would end up a total basket case before dinner was even on the table.



Then my sister gave me a Rachel Ray cookbook and I had to pass that on too because the thought of her on the shelf in my kitchen licking the corner of her mouth was enough to give me fits.

There's more...

Shortly after I passed off the set of Rachel Ray pot lickers 6 got me a set of Paula Dean cookware (I wonder if he's a secret shopping channel watcher...) but I can't stand her either because she's so political and I don't want to be thinking about Paula's political opinions when I'm making a pot roast or no bake cookies. I really love her love of butter but hold the opinion please, if I want to know the state of the nation I'll turn on the news thank you very much.



So I've decided I'm going back to cast iron frying pans and Walmart Target Kmart garage sale pots.



OMG!

I always forget about the garage sale my Grampy left up in the barn, there's enough miscellaneous bits and pieces of this and thats up there to outfit seventy hundred kitchens!

I gotta put my boots on, I'm going shopping.

Look at this...

This is what Wyatt made last night...



This one is made from pages out of a magazine, but he also has one he's working on that is white and he's going to spray the tips with spray paint.

That kid LOVES spray paint.

He's going to make some bigger ones to sell on Etsy, and in his mind he already has his millions spent.

6 made it home with his new truck this weekend and it is SO pretty.

Is a truck pretty?

Oh well, this one is. It's Prius green (color not fuel consumption) and it has the really big retroee kind of gages in white and silver and it is huge.

Did I say it was big?

It. Is. Huge.

 

He went to work for

 

 

and he'll be driving the western eleven states and Canada so if you pass him on the road

 

or see him in your rear view

 

be sure to wave.

Or flash him. He would probably like that too. Unless you're a dude.

Ok next.

Here's a picture of our barnyard boss.

Frick.

 

Frick is a Frizzle and I swear she only has feathers about two months out of the year and is the toughest hen you've ever laid eyes on.

Frick is so tough she doesn't lay eggs, she lays rocks.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a picture of her when she has hair because she usually looks like she's getting ready for a dip in a hot pot.

And lastly...

Here's a picture of the cutest thing you'll see all day and maybe even all day tomorrow.

Astro.

 

I know.

We needed a kitten like we needed a hole in our heads and obviously we must have holes in our head to get a kitten, but I swear, if you saw the cutest thing in the whole world you would probably bring it home too so don't hate.

Happy Monday.

Blog Potpourri

You know what makes me mad?

The fact that Wyatt's Dad gets away with not paying child support.

Ever.

How does that work?

What a jerk.

Speaking of Wyatt, I'm mad at him too. He had me sign his progress report this morning and it totally sucked. I need to figure out how to make his education a priority to him. He is so focused on his artwork and creativity which I want to support and I do support, but how do I also instill in him the importance of science, math, and the english language. Not like I'm one to talk or anything, it's hard to stand on the soap box while being the poster child of poor choices, but maybe I could be an example of what not to do, but then I'm afraid I'd lose any shred of credibility that I may have.

Example:

"Wyatt, I dropped out of school and got married six times, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Do you see my dilemma?

I need Oprah or Bill Gates to have a talk with him because I don't think I'm getting through.

 

Are you SO glad the election is over!!!

At this point I don't even care who won, I am just so glad it's over but I'm also SO mad that campaigning for 2012 begins tomorrow.

I think that all these jerks would be better off donating the money they spend on campaigning to the causes they support instead of on stupid commercials, yard signs and bumper stickers. Just think if all the campaign moneys had gone to the state deficits instead of down the toilet, or to the schools or the VA or homeless shelters or food banks.

I'm in favor of term limits and running on your own merits. That's what I call change.

Ok, that's all. I have to go to town this morning because...

I have to go to the bank.

And the grocery store

And the gas station.

And the post office.

Oh and what else...

Hmmm, I know there's one other place I have to go.

Oh yeah.

To my Mothers.

To get...

The computer she's giving me because she bought a new MacBook Pro so I get her old one that isn't even hardly old a shiny new (to me) glossy screen 21 inch backlit iMac!!!

OMG!!!

So now I'll have my tried and true heart of my heart air that I breathe iMac that my favorite sister gave me upstairs in my craft room and a sparkly new (to me) one downstairs!

I am the luckiest girl in the whole world :)

Except for that part about not getting child support and being married so many times.

 

Big Bug Post

I was so sick yesterday I think I might have almost died but I'm better today.

Here's a photo that has inspired me to breed a dog that has paws filled with Windex instead of covered with mud.



So yesterday I was going to tell you a really disgusting bug story but since I was on the brink of expiring I wasn't able to do so, but fear not, I'm here to tell it to you now.

As you know, this house was built from a barn in the late sixties, and I think it would be a fine idea to research when the original barn was built, but I imagine it was constructed somewhere around the time of the dinosaurs and although my Grampy did an amazing job with the transformation from livestock den to humble abode, facts are facts and it is what it is.

An old barn.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the fact the we live in an old barn. I love this house more than words can express and in every space of this house I see the hard work and love that went in to creating the home that I am so lucky to live in but as with everything, you sometimes have to take the good with the bad and in our case the bad would be...

The GIANT wood-boring beetle.



Or at least that's what we think it is.

We have found one or two dead ones every year that we've lived here. Never a live one, only dead ones which leads me to believe that there may very well be some sort of higher power looking out for me because if I were to encounter one of these things alive I'm sure that I would wet myself or worse.

We also have GIANT lizards but that's a story for another day.

Here's a picture of the upside of this beast that I didn't take but it's the closest thing I can find to our little monster.



Uggghhhh.... Do you have the shivers yet? I do.

Everything I've read says that they live in old wood which makes perfect sense because our house is made out of lots of old wood and the only place we ever find them is between the storm windows dead as doornails in the late fall so they must hatch inside the old wood and eat themselves to death on the way out. I'm sure there are many more that we don't see because they're prey to skunks (my new favorite animal) bats and owls.

Ok, I can't talk about the gross bugs anymore or I'll have the heebes all day.

Do you know what I wish I would have wanted to be when I grew up?

A hippie.

Not like the kind of hippie that lives in a yurt and doesn't shave, but the kind of hippie that eats tofu, wears patchouli and is really thin with long hair and small boobs.



I wish I would have been a hearbalist instead of a manicurist.

Oh well, I guess I'll just go and have another cup of coffee with powdered creamer and Splenda and some leftover Halloween candy and dream about what might have been.

No Tricks and Very Few Treats

Have you ever taken a really big drink from the wrong cup of coffee?

I just did.

Moral of this story... Never put todays cup of coffee next to yesterdays cup of coffee.

We went Trick-or-treating last night and it was a total bust.

Let me preface this story by saying I despise it when people say "back when I was a kid" or "I remember when" or "In my day" because back when you were a kid you were a kid and most of the time (most of the time) life sucks more for adults.

With that being said, when I was a kid we got dressed up, grabbed a pillow case, do you say pillow case or pillow sheet? I say pillow case. And RAN from house to house. Our parents didn't walk with us or follow behind in the car and we went out immediately after dinner and didn't come home until we had finished the job. We got a lot of popcorn balls and sometimes a caramel do you say cAre-a-mel or CAR-mal? I say CARmal. Caramel apples that I sucked the caramel off of because it was kind of slimy and watery, not like caramel on the apples that you get at the fair.

We got quarters and little sacks of candy corn, cookies and of course all the other stuff you would expect, but let me tell you, that is NOT how it is in 2010.

Kids walk from house to house and they all have a cell phone to their ear, except for the really little ones whose parents carry them from house to house and then just set them down in front of the door and then pick them up again and carry them to the next house. There is NO running, no pushing anyone out-of-the-way, no stomping through anyones yard to be the first to the door, it is completely civilized AND these dumb kids are satisfied after only an hour or so and less than a pound of candy in the bag. Now I ask you, how is one pound of candy supposed to sustain both Me and Wyatt for more than a day or so especially after you discount all the dumb stuff like SweeTarts and Three Musketeers. And it bothers me SO much that there is NO running. NO one was running. What the hell. There is supposed to be running on Halloween.

And let me tell you something else, the best reason to have more than one kid is more than one candy bag but I made the mistake of having my kids fifteen years apart so that doesn't work. I still have the headache of two kids, I still have to buy Christmas gifts for two kids and of course the obvious issue that I will have raised children from the time I was sixteen years old till the time I am fifty  and still only have a fifty-fifty chance of having one turn out right AND I only get one bag of candy a year.

Let me tell you what I think the problem is.

I think the problem is that we have ruined our kids.

We feed them whenever they are hungry and we feed them good stuff. I used to have to eat gross stuff, but I ate it because I was hungry and I knew that if I didn't eat it I would starve to death and die.

If Wyatt doesn't like what I make for dinner (like I would ever even consider making something he doesn't like) he knows that he can just have a little Ben and Jerry's or some Easy Mac later. He also knows that if we're at the store I'll buy him stuff that he likes like cereal that doesn't taste like the box it comes in.

So really, why should he worry about hiding candy in his underwear drawer when he knows all he has to do is ask for it and I'll buy it for him.

GAH! I have done this.

I have screwed myself out of the Halloween haul.

6 left for his new job yesterday. They rented him a car and he and some other guy drove to somewhere in Central Oregon for the meet and greet. I hate to tell you what his new job is because I'll get it wrong and he reads the blog and then he'll get all fussy because I never listen to him when he tells me stuff, but I do listen if it's interesting to me.

He is going to be driving flat bed in more than one state and into Canada.

Ha!

Vague but correct.

He'll be gone for a while and then home for a few days so it won't suck as bad as when he was in Iraq but I also won't have him OCD'ing around the house all the time.

It really is the best of both worlds.

And don't think that I think that I'm some peach to live with because I'm not and I know I'm not. I'm a total slob with complete disregard for other people's stuff.

I never put anything away and I seldom rinse my dishes.

I leave my dirty clothes on the floor and I don't brush my teeth before bed, but I'm very friendly and I used to be pretty so no matter what, he's still a lucky guy :)

Tomorrow I'm going to tell you about a HUGE disgusting bug.