Big Bug Post

I was so sick yesterday I think I might have almost died but I'm better today.

Here's a photo that has inspired me to breed a dog that has paws filled with Windex instead of covered with mud.



So yesterday I was going to tell you a really disgusting bug story but since I was on the brink of expiring I wasn't able to do so, but fear not, I'm here to tell it to you now.

As you know, this house was built from a barn in the late sixties, and I think it would be a fine idea to research when the original barn was built, but I imagine it was constructed somewhere around the time of the dinosaurs and although my Grampy did an amazing job with the transformation from livestock den to humble abode, facts are facts and it is what it is.

An old barn.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the fact the we live in an old barn. I love this house more than words can express and in every space of this house I see the hard work and love that went in to creating the home that I am so lucky to live in but as with everything, you sometimes have to take the good with the bad and in our case the bad would be...

The GIANT wood-boring beetle.



Or at least that's what we think it is.

We have found one or two dead ones every year that we've lived here. Never a live one, only dead ones which leads me to believe that there may very well be some sort of higher power looking out for me because if I were to encounter one of these things alive I'm sure that I would wet myself or worse.

We also have GIANT lizards but that's a story for another day.

Here's a picture of the upside of this beast that I didn't take but it's the closest thing I can find to our little monster.



Uggghhhh.... Do you have the shivers yet? I do.

Everything I've read says that they live in old wood which makes perfect sense because our house is made out of lots of old wood and the only place we ever find them is between the storm windows dead as doornails in the late fall so they must hatch inside the old wood and eat themselves to death on the way out. I'm sure there are many more that we don't see because they're prey to skunks (my new favorite animal) bats and owls.

Ok, I can't talk about the gross bugs anymore or I'll have the heebes all day.

Do you know what I wish I would have wanted to be when I grew up?

A hippie.

Not like the kind of hippie that lives in a yurt and doesn't shave, but the kind of hippie that eats tofu, wears patchouli and is really thin with long hair and small boobs.



I wish I would have been a hearbalist instead of a manicurist.

Oh well, I guess I'll just go and have another cup of coffee with powdered creamer and Splenda and some leftover Halloween candy and dream about what might have been.