School Conference

When we left off I was heading out to Wyatt's first 6th grade conference. I had been prepped all the previous week, so there were no great expectations swirling about my brain. No visions of math angels beaming their glory down upon us or singing their grammatical praises in beautiful harmony whilst I sat in short chairs with my knees stuck to the underside of  booger encrusted tables. No, that was not to be the case at this conference, and as a matter of fact, I've come to believe that those conferences are reserved for the families of children who eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day and change their underpants, because God knows I've never been to one.

So when I walked in the classroom I was prepared for how things were going to go. I knew what he was going to say and I knew what I was going to say. I would promise we would do things like read and study blah, blah, blah, we'd shake hands and out the door I'd go. Been there, done this. I've had husbands longer than he's had his teaching certificate so I knew the drill better than he did. I thought.

Before I start the story lets all join hands and pray that Mr Ferguson never discovers my blog.

Shall we?

Ok.

I walked into the class and there he sat. Peter Griffin. I'm not even kidding.

I frickin died. I remembered from the getting to know you night that he was kind of goofy looking, but that day the resemblance to Peter was uncanny. I wanted to laugh SO bad that my eye started twitching. Like really twitching alot and I started laughing really loud at things he said that weren't even that funny because at least it was an outlet for my hysteria. I kept thinking to myself that this guy HAD to know he was a dead ringer for Peter. When he gets up and looks in the mirror every morning he must see Peter looking back at him. Did he do Peter impressions at parties? Oh my gawd, what if he had a girlfriend named Lois. Or a dog named Brian! It was all too much. The guy must have thought that I was a goose short of a gaggle because I sat there twitching and laughing like someone in need of a window to lick. It was torture.

But once I started biting my tongue really hard and stepping on my own toe I was able to concentrate a little more and this is what he said... Wyatt was, "the most distracting, disruptive, off topic, charismatic, charming, entertaining kid he'd ever met." He said Wyatt had a way of leading the entire class including himself (Mr Griffin) off topic that was truly epic. Never before had he taught a student that worked so effortlessly at not working. I told him (Mr Griffin) that during Wendy's 4th grade conference her teacher asked me if I understood how some children were very easily distracted and when I said yes she informed me that Wendy was the one who distracted those children so whatever it is Wyatt has his sister has it too and I didn't know where either one of them got it. He just sat there and stared at me. Then he went on to tell me that Wyatt was doing very poorly in his academic classes but was getting an A+ in band and citizenship. I suggested that maybe Wyatt just drop out now and strike up a one man band and tour the countryside and it was that moment when I realized that although Mr. Griffin was funny looking, he wasn't necessarily a funny man, because he didn't even laugh when I said that. So I told him I was just joking about the one man band thing and we would be making sure Wyatt buckles down and starts taking things more seriously. Again he just stared at me.

Anyways, Wyatt has time to bring up his grades, so I don't need to buy him a drum set that fits on his back just yet, and if I learned anything at all from this conference it's this... Next time 6 goes instead of me!