Home Fires Burning...

Great, I'm living with a firestarter.

Last night as I sat doing what I usually do on Monday nights, watching Hoarders and proudly feeling like the Queen of Clean, a faint smell of smoke wafted through the air. I immediately jumped from my seat yelling "FIRE", but I have to be honest, deep down I knew that someday this moment would come, and I felt quite smug as I anticipated standing in my driveway surrounded by fire trucks wearing underpants. Back to the story... The smell of smoke was strong as we searched the house only to find that the smell was isolated to Wyatt's room. It wasn't outside, it wasn't in the bathroom, it wasn't in the kitchen and it wasn't upstairs. Was it a wonky electrical outlet? Curtains on the baseboard? Was Jose' Chip some sort of demonic fire pig sent here by the forces of darkness to destroy us? I was starting to freak out a tiny bit but I knew I had to be strong for my family and maintain a level head so I could lead us safely from the raging inferno. As it turns out, as I was going over exit strategies, counting dogs and trying to decide how much food to pack to sustain us in a time of crisis, 6 was going over every inch of Wyatt's room and that's when he found it. The smoking gun (fire pun intended). A recently extinguished candle and a beat up Bic. I started to shake like a woman gone mad as my finger uncontrollably rose to the front of Wyatt's fearful face and my voice rose to levels that even the neighbors could hear and it was without control or restraint that I yelled WHATHEFWEREYOUTHINKING!!!!! But I didn't say "f", I said the whole word just like my Mother used to say to me. The smell of smoke was beginning to fade as tears rose to my young son's eyes and I realized that maybe, just maybe I was having some sort of psychotic break and needed to step off a minute. I took a deep breath and decided the best way to fight this fire was with love and I then went on to explain to him that it was because I loved him that he was grounded from the t.v and internet for the forseeable future and that if he would have just friGGin told us he had lit a mother f'n candle this whole freak show could have been avoided. I also told him that there was never ever any reason to be afraid of me and that he could tell me anything, but I don't think he was on board with that last night and I think I see a little bridge building in my future.

As Wyatt quietly and albeit fearfully settled down in his chair with a book and I settled back down in front of my program, I began mentally assessing my parenting skills and that's when it hit me... When I was eleven years old I was a chain smoker and if memory serves me correctly I think I may have even been engaged. So all in all, I guess things aren't so bad, I just need to get a few more fire extinguishers.