I think it snowed yesterday. It may of been hail, butI think it was snow. I think I should put my boots on and have Wyatt hold an umbrella over me while I assemble the pool. We could polar bear in July and maybe play some ice hockey over the long Labor Day weekend. We had two rain free days in a row last week and I really thought I was going to be able to waddle out and hang a clothes line, but in this rain it would be just like sending the wash through a second rinse. Don't get me wrong, I'll complain when things dry out and get hot too, but right now I'm just sick of soggy.
So the other day I found out my ass face neighbors in the mobile spaces decided to water their lawn on the first day of no rain. I think it's a conspiracy, they're plotting against me, trying to knock me off my trailer park pedestal so they can take control and dominate the four space universe. I guess when you think about it, it is a pretty prestigious position. They also won't provide proof of insurance to me. Do you see the power play thats at stake here? This is a high risk game they're playing, winner take all, good versus evil. I have to carefully devise my plan so as not to appear weak. Should I wear my hair up or down when I take them to task and hold them accountable for the misuse of pond water? And what is proper protocol for inaccountability of insurance issues. Gloss or no gloss? Do I need to shave my legs to instill authority? Ugh, so much to think about.
Thats all.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Farm Fun!
What a crazy, action packed, fun-filled few days we have had! You know there's never a dull moment here on the farm, but the last few days have been even more exciting than most. When we left off, Wyatt had just completed his moving up ceremony at Clarkes Elementary School. Our thoughts were turning to long summer days spent splashing in the pool with friends, and also just a little anxiety about the future of a new school with more than 180 students! We have all summer to worry about a new school though so lets move on to the fun stuff!
What better way to start off summer than with a new Llama!
Meet Tina... She is a Craigslist exclusive, extra-large Suri Llama packed with personality and charm. She is however in dire need of a haircut and a manicure. Whatever, so am I. Tina's job on the farm will be to watch over the lambs that we are expecting along with providing hours of fun and entertainment. Who doesn't love watching a Llama frolic? well, she doesn't really frolic, but she does make funny noises and walks around.
Next up was farrier day for the donkeys and a visit with Wendy. We really like our farrier so I started dropping hints about how much easier it would be to trim the toes of my asses if he lived in our little house and... He jumped on the idea! He went home and got his wife and brought her back to take a look around. I think she liked it and I'm crossing my fingers they decide to move in. I spoke with the donkeys and told them to send the hoof man and his wife some positive vibes, if things worked out they could have the best looking feet in the Valley.
Now this next part you're never gonna believe... Wyatt was in the pasture taking a look at Tina when he started doing this, Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. You know how kids do when they want something, but not bad enough to get it themselves so they start hounding you endlessly to get it for them. Finally I hollered out the window "WHAT" and he said, "look at the baby skunk." Oooo.Mmmmm.Ggggg. My feet were on fire, I couldn't believe it! Wendy and I were tripping over each other as we ran out the door to see her!
We decided to name her Daisy. Sadness soon set in though as I called around to different vets offices and found out that you can't keep wild skunks as pets in Oregon, only domesticated ones. We knew we had to do the right thing for Daisy, so we called Fish and Wildlife and they told us how to try to reunite her with her Mom. We did just as they said, but Daisy wouldn't go. She loved her new pet boy and he loved her.
But as the sun began to set Daisy started to make her way back towards the barn to find her Mom. Before she disappeared into the tall grass for the last time though she turned around and gave Wyatt one last stink and a playful roll as if to say good-bye. I hope Daisy didn't get in too much trouble for spending the day with Wy and maybe someday she'll be back to play again. But if not, it sure was a day to remember ❤
Last but not least I made some new soaps! I made a batch of oatmeal, coffee, pearberry and cherry blossom and my house smells freaking fabulous! Sorta like Spring in the shower : )
If we can't have a skunk, what do you think about ferrets...
What better way to start off summer than with a new Llama!
Meet Tina... She is a Craigslist exclusive, extra-large Suri Llama packed with personality and charm. She is however in dire need of a haircut and a manicure. Whatever, so am I. Tina's job on the farm will be to watch over the lambs that we are expecting along with providing hours of fun and entertainment. Who doesn't love watching a Llama frolic? well, she doesn't really frolic, but she does make funny noises and walks around.
Next up was farrier day for the donkeys and a visit with Wendy. We really like our farrier so I started dropping hints about how much easier it would be to trim the toes of my asses if he lived in our little house and... He jumped on the idea! He went home and got his wife and brought her back to take a look around. I think she liked it and I'm crossing my fingers they decide to move in. I spoke with the donkeys and told them to send the hoof man and his wife some positive vibes, if things worked out they could have the best looking feet in the Valley.
Now this next part you're never gonna believe... Wyatt was in the pasture taking a look at Tina when he started doing this, Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. You know how kids do when they want something, but not bad enough to get it themselves so they start hounding you endlessly to get it for them. Finally I hollered out the window "WHAT" and he said, "look at the baby skunk." Oooo.Mmmmm.Ggggg. My feet were on fire, I couldn't believe it! Wendy and I were tripping over each other as we ran out the door to see her!
We decided to name her Daisy. Sadness soon set in though as I called around to different vets offices and found out that you can't keep wild skunks as pets in Oregon, only domesticated ones. We knew we had to do the right thing for Daisy, so we called Fish and Wildlife and they told us how to try to reunite her with her Mom. We did just as they said, but Daisy wouldn't go. She loved her new pet boy and he loved her.
But as the sun began to set Daisy started to make her way back towards the barn to find her Mom. Before she disappeared into the tall grass for the last time though she turned around and gave Wyatt one last stink and a playful roll as if to say good-bye. I hope Daisy didn't get in too much trouble for spending the day with Wy and maybe someday she'll be back to play again. But if not, it sure was a day to remember ❤
Last but not least I made some new soaps! I made a batch of oatmeal, coffee, pearberry and cherry blossom and my house smells freaking fabulous! Sorta like Spring in the shower : )
If we can't have a skunk, what do you think about ferrets...
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Keep On Truckin
6:30 AM. I wake up and feel terrific. I step out of bed, make myself a perfect latte' and look out onto the pasture and gaze at the beautiful morning sunshine beaming down onto the dew dropped green grass and contented cows. The rooster's crow greets the day as the black and white dog's begin their morning rounds. I have plenty of time so I decide to clean out the microwave before I prepare Wyatt's breakfast and pack his lunch. Today is the last full day of school and the last lunch I'll make for his fifth grade year. I finish my chores and go in to wake up Wy. I lay out his clothes and set the table as he brushes his teeth and gets dressed. What a perfect morning. Before long, it's time to leave for school. Wyatt and the dogs load up into the truck. I collect Wyatt's bag and my purse, load his crutches and climb in beside him. Mother F*#K%@ the F'ing Battery is dead!! Sh!t! Now what?
I tell myself not to panic. I can take the farm truck. I open the "gate" that 6 ran through when the brakes went out on the tractor two summers ago that we never got around to fixing. Now it's just sheep fencing hung from a post attached to a nail. I go up to the barn, climb in the truck and WaLa! It starts right up. Now all I have to do is drive it down and jump start the other truck. But wait. Theres a bunch of rocks and a full water trough in the way. I can't fit the F'ing truck through. Ok, no big deal. I get out of the truck, go tell Wyatt to get in the farm truck, grab his crutches, get the dogs out of the truck and put them in the house. The dogs take off down to the pasture. I start to holler at the dogs while clapping my hands and stomping my feet to get them to come back. I start crying. I quit crying. I trick the dogs with treats. I put the dogs in the house. I feel bad about lying to the dogs, turn around, go back in the house to give the dogs cheese. I get back in the truck with Wy. Wy forgot his bag in the other truck. It starts to rain. I get Wyatt's F'ing bag. I get back in truck. I drive through the pasture. I get out and open the gate. I drive through. I get out and close the gate. I drive through the next pasture, get out and open the other gate. I drive through into the mobile spaces. I get out and close the gate. After walking through thigh high wet grass in a cotton skirt and worn out Birkenstocks, I realize I'm soaking wet and slipping in my sandals. I hike up my wet skirt, get back in the truck, wave to people in the mobile spaces and drive away leaving behind a cloud of white smoke, wet hay and a shoe.
The battery charger in the garage only has one alligator clampy thing on it and I can't find the other clampy thing. It appears as though I may be driving the stupid red farm truck for a while, so if I pass you on the road and paint chips fly off and hay flies out, I apologize. Oh yeah, the speedometer doesn't work either, so if you're behind me and I'm only going 25 in a 45 you'll know why.
I tell myself not to panic. I can take the farm truck. I open the "gate" that 6 ran through when the brakes went out on the tractor two summers ago that we never got around to fixing. Now it's just sheep fencing hung from a post attached to a nail. I go up to the barn, climb in the truck and WaLa! It starts right up. Now all I have to do is drive it down and jump start the other truck. But wait. Theres a bunch of rocks and a full water trough in the way. I can't fit the F'ing truck through. Ok, no big deal. I get out of the truck, go tell Wyatt to get in the farm truck, grab his crutches, get the dogs out of the truck and put them in the house. The dogs take off down to the pasture. I start to holler at the dogs while clapping my hands and stomping my feet to get them to come back. I start crying. I quit crying. I trick the dogs with treats. I put the dogs in the house. I feel bad about lying to the dogs, turn around, go back in the house to give the dogs cheese. I get back in the truck with Wy. Wy forgot his bag in the other truck. It starts to rain. I get Wyatt's F'ing bag. I get back in truck. I drive through the pasture. I get out and open the gate. I drive through. I get out and close the gate. I drive through the next pasture, get out and open the other gate. I drive through into the mobile spaces. I get out and close the gate. After walking through thigh high wet grass in a cotton skirt and worn out Birkenstocks, I realize I'm soaking wet and slipping in my sandals. I hike up my wet skirt, get back in the truck, wave to people in the mobile spaces and drive away leaving behind a cloud of white smoke, wet hay and a shoe.
The battery charger in the garage only has one alligator clampy thing on it and I can't find the other clampy thing. It appears as though I may be driving the stupid red farm truck for a while, so if I pass you on the road and paint chips fly off and hay flies out, I apologize. Oh yeah, the speedometer doesn't work either, so if you're behind me and I'm only going 25 in a 45 you'll know why.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Update
I would love to know where time goes.. Either I'm waiting for it to pass or it flies right on past me and I have no idea how to catch up!
This week, Wyatt had another chiropractor appointment, we went to Wendy's school so he could get a hair cut, we went shopping for his graduation clothes, Shannon came and spent the day, I demolished our lawn mower, had three new sheep delivered, attended Wyatt's fifth grade graduation and saw Shreck the final chapter. Those are just the highlights. Of course there was laundry, cooking, general cleaning, grocery shopping and facebooking thrown in as well.
When we were at Target picking out clothes for Wyatt, I didn't want to embarrass him by tagging along into the dressing room with him when Shannon was with us. I let on like we were this really cool family who's all laid back and in touch with one another. You know, the kind of family that if the eleven year old kid tells the really cool mom the twenty dollar shorts fit, the cool mom believes him. You know, the kind of family that we really aren't. We're really the kind of family that try's to pull that off and then waits about twenty-eight hours to try on the twenty dollar shorts at home only to find out that the stupid shorts don't fit and then has an all out cuss filled emotional breakdown with only forty-five minutes to get to the Target that's thirty minutes away on a Sunday night before said graduation on Monday morning. Yeah, thats the kind of family we really are. All I can say is it's a good thing I didn't stop for a dry gin martini on the way to Target, I would have never made it there in time. Instead I opted for some boxed wine and a donut when I got home.
Here's another disastrous part of our trip to Target. I bought a blender so I could make blended margaritas coffee and the first time I used it, it leaked ALL over my counters and floor. I figured it was operator error, so I tried it again and it happened again! Stupid blender. I returned it and know I don't know what kind of blender to buy, but I do know one thing, I will NOT buy one of those dumb frappe' maker blenders.
The sheep we got are Katahdins (ka-ta-dins.) They are "hair" sheep instead of wool sheep so they never need to be shorn. I got two pregnant ewes and a ram so before long we will have lambs! Katahdins lamb out of season and are capable of lambing sometimes as often as twice a year and usually produce twins. They are typically a meat breed, but of course that won't be the case here. They also eat blackberry bushes which is a huge plus. Do you know at Fred Meyer the other day I saw blackerry plants for sale! Can you believe that? I could probably make a gagillion dollars as a blackberry farmer.
While mowing the lawn on Saturday I may have hit a little something.
This week, Wyatt had another chiropractor appointment, we went to Wendy's school so he could get a hair cut, we went shopping for his graduation clothes, Shannon came and spent the day, I demolished our lawn mower, had three new sheep delivered, attended Wyatt's fifth grade graduation and saw Shreck the final chapter. Those are just the highlights. Of course there was laundry, cooking, general cleaning, grocery shopping and facebooking thrown in as well.
When we were at Target picking out clothes for Wyatt, I didn't want to embarrass him by tagging along into the dressing room with him when Shannon was with us. I let on like we were this really cool family who's all laid back and in touch with one another. You know, the kind of family that if the eleven year old kid tells the really cool mom the twenty dollar shorts fit, the cool mom believes him. You know, the kind of family that we really aren't. We're really the kind of family that try's to pull that off and then waits about twenty-eight hours to try on the twenty dollar shorts at home only to find out that the stupid shorts don't fit and then has an all out cuss filled emotional breakdown with only forty-five minutes to get to the Target that's thirty minutes away on a Sunday night before said graduation on Monday morning. Yeah, thats the kind of family we really are. All I can say is it's a good thing I didn't stop for a dry gin martini on the way to Target, I would have never made it there in time. Instead I opted for some boxed wine and a donut when I got home.
Here's another disastrous part of our trip to Target. I bought a blender so I could make blended margaritas coffee and the first time I used it, it leaked ALL over my counters and floor. I figured it was operator error, so I tried it again and it happened again! Stupid blender. I returned it and know I don't know what kind of blender to buy, but I do know one thing, I will NOT buy one of those dumb frappe' maker blenders.
The sheep we got are Katahdins (ka-ta-dins.) They are "hair" sheep instead of wool sheep so they never need to be shorn. I got two pregnant ewes and a ram so before long we will have lambs! Katahdins lamb out of season and are capable of lambing sometimes as often as twice a year and usually produce twins. They are typically a meat breed, but of course that won't be the case here. They also eat blackberry bushes which is a huge plus. Do you know at Fred Meyer the other day I saw blackerry plants for sale! Can you believe that? I could probably make a gagillion dollars as a blackberry farmer.
While mowing the lawn on Saturday I may have hit a little something.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
A Little About Nothing
Wyatt is home again today. His foot is swollen up like a football and he keeps bellering out from muscle spasm's. Soaking in epsom salts and lots of massage seem to help, but setbacks are frustrating.
I have a new diet plan... Shaving my legs. I shed a few pounds just this morning.
I'm going to town to buy some Glade Tropical Rain air freshener plugins. You know, those things that make your house stink prettier than it really does. This rain is starting to get to me, so I figured at least with the scent of tropical rain wafting through the house I can trick my mind into thinking it's at least warm outside.
Why do wet dogs smell worse than dry dogs?
I'm excited to put up my clothes line. We didn't have it up last year but I'm for sure putting it up this year, I love the smell and feel of line dried clothes, ESPECIALLY sheets.
6 called from Iraq this morning to see if I've had the oil changed in the truck. Nope.
I still hate Wendy's boyfriend. He's such a loser and he treats her like sh!t. I know, everyone that knows me is rolling their eyes remembering that Jack Ass I was married to twice, but trust me, it's different when it's your kid. Obviously she didn't get the do as I say not as I do memo.
I consider housework a huge waste of time.
I have a new diet plan... Shaving my legs. I shed a few pounds just this morning.
I'm going to town to buy some Glade Tropical Rain air freshener plugins. You know, those things that make your house stink prettier than it really does. This rain is starting to get to me, so I figured at least with the scent of tropical rain wafting through the house I can trick my mind into thinking it's at least warm outside.
Why do wet dogs smell worse than dry dogs?
I'm excited to put up my clothes line. We didn't have it up last year but I'm for sure putting it up this year, I love the smell and feel of line dried clothes, ESPECIALLY sheets.
6 called from Iraq this morning to see if I've had the oil changed in the truck. Nope.
I still hate Wendy's boyfriend. He's such a loser and he treats her like sh!t. I know, everyone that knows me is rolling their eyes remembering that Jack Ass I was married to twice, but trust me, it's different when it's your kid. Obviously she didn't get the do as I say not as I do memo.
I consider housework a huge waste of time.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Better Late Than Never...
So I promised a good black and white dog story last week and then fell off the planet, but I didn't forget. I couldn't forget. We're still living the story...
It happened last Wednesday night as we were getting ready for the Idol finale. We had our snacks, our refreshments and our blankets and it was almost time to fire up the DVR so we could watch the show in it's entirety commercial free. All that was left to do was let the dogs out for the last time of the night. Buddy was first out the door with Pooter lolly gagging behind. Bart was being a ninny and decided to stay inside. Nobody knew at the time it would be the best decision he would ever make. Buddy took a right out the door and started towards the little house when Pooter had a sudden change of heart and came back in. As I looked up to see Pooter coming back in the house my eye caught sight of a big fat skunk "high tailing" it past the door with Buddy hot on his trail. Before I had time to think or run and close the door Buddy let out a yelp and came racing in the house trying to outrun the stench that had just be unleashed on him, rounded the corner, down the hall and under my bed. Everything inside and out had been gassed by the noxious odor of that big fat stinky skunk. Now, some could quite possibly see this as my fault as I have been know to every now and again leave treats out for the skunks. I do it as an offering, a type of deal I have mentally made with the skunks. I leave them snacks in hopes they will take kindly to me and spray their stink else where. What I didn't take into consideration was Buddy throwing a wrench into the works and break our peace treaty by chasing their King. Thanks a lot Buddy. The smell around this place was enough to make you choke for the days that followed, but the worst part was when I decided to vacuum the next day. You see Bart is a maniac when it comes to the vacuum cleaner so whenever I drag it out I have to put Bart in the truck first. If Bart gets in the truck Buddy has to get in the truck because gawd forbid Bart gets to go for a ride and Buddy doesn't. So both dog's got in the truck. It was raining so I only cracked the windows. I vacuumed and then got caught up watching Oprah and forgot the boy's in the truck for the next thirty minutes. O.M.G. I opened the door and was BLASTED with the smell of dog breath and skunk! Trust me, it's a scent you'll never get from a Yankee Candle. As the days have passed, the smell has wavered and now I only smell him when he's curled up on the bed at night, so I just sleep with the fan on.
So that's my black and white dog story and with any luck, my last skunk story of the season
It happened last Wednesday night as we were getting ready for the Idol finale. We had our snacks, our refreshments and our blankets and it was almost time to fire up the DVR so we could watch the show in it's entirety commercial free. All that was left to do was let the dogs out for the last time of the night. Buddy was first out the door with Pooter lolly gagging behind. Bart was being a ninny and decided to stay inside. Nobody knew at the time it would be the best decision he would ever make. Buddy took a right out the door and started towards the little house when Pooter had a sudden change of heart and came back in. As I looked up to see Pooter coming back in the house my eye caught sight of a big fat skunk "high tailing" it past the door with Buddy hot on his trail. Before I had time to think or run and close the door Buddy let out a yelp and came racing in the house trying to outrun the stench that had just be unleashed on him, rounded the corner, down the hall and under my bed. Everything inside and out had been gassed by the noxious odor of that big fat stinky skunk. Now, some could quite possibly see this as my fault as I have been know to every now and again leave treats out for the skunks. I do it as an offering, a type of deal I have mentally made with the skunks. I leave them snacks in hopes they will take kindly to me and spray their stink else where. What I didn't take into consideration was Buddy throwing a wrench into the works and break our peace treaty by chasing their King. Thanks a lot Buddy. The smell around this place was enough to make you choke for the days that followed, but the worst part was when I decided to vacuum the next day. You see Bart is a maniac when it comes to the vacuum cleaner so whenever I drag it out I have to put Bart in the truck first. If Bart gets in the truck Buddy has to get in the truck because gawd forbid Bart gets to go for a ride and Buddy doesn't. So both dog's got in the truck. It was raining so I only cracked the windows. I vacuumed and then got caught up watching Oprah and forgot the boy's in the truck for the next thirty minutes. O.M.G. I opened the door and was BLASTED with the smell of dog breath and skunk! Trust me, it's a scent you'll never get from a Yankee Candle. As the days have passed, the smell has wavered and now I only smell him when he's curled up on the bed at night, so I just sleep with the fan on.
So that's my black and white dog story and with any luck, my last skunk story of the season
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Doctors Schmoctors
I am SO frustrated! This whole doctor business is getting me down and when I think about all the money we've spent and all the time Wyatt has missed from school it's enough to get my panties in a knot. The money grubber doctor we saw yesterday is of the same mindset as the rheumatologist we saw a month ago. He wants to start Wyatt in their "special" physical therapy program at the hospital. He diagnosed it as RND which is apparently a disorder only recognized by a small number of doctors all trained under the same physician who discovered it. Convenient huh? So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to sign us both up for the fat lady senior citizen water aerobics class at the pool. Low impact stretching right? Right. I'm going to buy one of those pedicure tubs and soak his foot and massage and stretch the tendons every night. He's just going to have work his way back to where he was. No hospitals, no scammers doctors, we can do it ourselves. I wonder if insurance would be willing to pay me a few hundred dollars an hour... Maybe if I explained to them how much money I'm saving them in the long run they would at least consider it. Here's the deal. I have seen the x-rays and I know there is no break or fracture. His bones are ok. He has very limited circulation in that foot, but they say it is from lack of movement. We can take care of that ourselves. Maybe I can come up with my own white trash treatment plan and have doctors refer their patients to me. Stretching would consist of weed eating and edging along the fence line. Muscle development would come from unloading feed sacks and rooster wrangling, and I could let people pet the donkeys and sit criss cross applesauce in the pasture with the goats and call it meditation therapy. I would call it Body and Soul Rehabilitation or B.S Rehab for short. I think I'm on to something. Do you think I could get away with a "getting in touch with your aggression" therapy and have people "work" through their emotions by cleaning out the chicken coop? If someone really has issues they can clean out the pig house. I could start a "shock water" therapy class in the pond that would work you through your fears. Fear of getting caught up in old tree snags and the patio umbrella that blew in there twenty years ago.
Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'm having a sleepover with some friends. Well, technically they're Wyatt's friends and it's really just one friend but I'll still make them sing to me and I won't have to share my box of wine with them and after they go to bed I can finish off the cake by myself. I decided to give myself Weight Watchers this year because I'm tired of being a big fat fatty and then maybe for Christmas I'll be tall and thin and get myself a boob job. A girl can dream... Can't she?
Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story about a black and white dog and a skunk.
Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'm having a sleepover with some friends. Well, technically they're Wyatt's friends and it's really just one friend but I'll still make them sing to me and I won't have to share my box of wine with them and after they go to bed I can finish off the cake by myself. I decided to give myself Weight Watchers this year because I'm tired of being a big fat fatty and then maybe for Christmas I'll be tall and thin and get myself a boob job. A girl can dream... Can't she?
Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story about a black and white dog and a skunk.
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