A Little About Nothing

Wyatt is home again today. His foot is swollen up like a football and he keeps bellering out from muscle spasm's. Soaking in epsom salts and lots of massage seem to help, but setbacks are frustrating.

I have a new diet plan... Shaving my legs. I shed a few pounds just this morning.

I'm going to town to buy some Glade Tropical Rain air freshener plugins. You know, those things that make your house stink prettier than it really does. This rain is starting to get to me, so I figured at least with the scent of tropical rain wafting through the house I can trick my mind into thinking it's at least warm outside.

Why do wet dogs smell worse than dry dogs?

I'm excited to put up my clothes line. We didn't have it up last year but I'm for sure putting it up this year, I love the smell and feel of line dried clothes, ESPECIALLY sheets.

6 called from Iraq this morning to see if I've had the oil changed in the truck. Nope.

I still hate Wendy's boyfriend. He's such a loser and he treats her like sh!t. I know, everyone that knows me is rolling their eyes remembering that Jack Ass I was married to twice, but trust me, it's different when it's your kid. Obviously she didn't get the do as I say not as I do memo.

I consider housework a huge waste of time.

Better Late Than Never...

So I promised a good black and white dog story last week and then fell off the planet, but I didn't forget. I couldn't forget. We're still living the story...

It happened last Wednesday night as we were getting ready for the Idol finale. We had our snacks, our refreshments and our blankets and it was almost time to fire up the DVR so we could watch the show in it's entirety commercial free. All that was left to do was let the dogs out for the last time of the night. Buddy was first out the door with Pooter lolly gagging behind. Bart was being a ninny and decided to stay inside. Nobody knew at the time it would be the best decision he would ever make. Buddy took a right out the door and started towards the little house when Pooter had a sudden change of heart and came back in. As I looked up to see Pooter coming back in the house my eye caught sight of a big fat skunk "high tailing" it past the door with Buddy hot on his trail. Before I had time to think or run and close the door Buddy let out a yelp and came racing in the house trying to outrun the stench that had just be unleashed on him, rounded the corner, down the hall and under my bed. Everything inside and out had been gassed by the noxious odor of that big fat stinky skunk. Now, some could quite possibly see this as my fault as I have been know to every now and again leave treats out for the skunks. I do it as an offering, a type of deal I have mentally made with the skunks. I leave them snacks in hopes they will take kindly to me and spray their stink else where. What I didn't take into consideration was Buddy throwing a wrench into the works and break our peace treaty by chasing their King. Thanks a lot Buddy. The smell around this place was enough to make you choke for the days that followed, but the worst part was when I decided to vacuum the next day. You see Bart is a maniac when it comes to the vacuum cleaner so whenever I drag it out I have to put Bart in the truck first. If Bart gets in the truck Buddy has to get in the truck because gawd forbid Bart gets to go for a ride and Buddy doesn't. So both dog's got in the truck. It was raining so I only cracked the windows. I vacuumed and then got caught up watching Oprah and forgot the boy's in the truck for the next thirty minutes. O.M.G. I opened the door and was BLASTED with the smell of dog breath and skunk! Trust me, it's a scent you'll never get from a Yankee Candle. As the days have passed, the smell has wavered and now I only smell him when he's curled up on the bed at night, so I just sleep with the fan on.

So that's my black and white dog story and with any luck, my last skunk story of the season

Doctors Schmoctors

I am SO frustrated! This whole doctor business is getting me down and when I think about all the money we've spent and all the time Wyatt has missed from school it's enough to get my panties in a knot. The money grubber doctor we saw yesterday is of the same mindset as the rheumatologist we saw a month ago. He wants to start Wyatt in their "special" physical therapy program at the hospital. He diagnosed it as RND which is apparently a disorder only recognized by a small number of doctors all trained under the same physician who discovered it. Convenient huh? So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to sign us both up for the fat lady senior citizen water aerobics class at the pool. Low impact stretching right? Right. I'm going to buy one of those pedicure tubs and soak his foot and massage and stretch the tendons every night. He's just going to have work his way back to where he was. No hospitals, no scammers doctors, we can do it ourselves. I wonder if insurance would be willing to pay me a few hundred dollars an hour... Maybe if I explained to them how much money I'm saving them in the long run they would at least consider it. Here's the deal. I have seen the x-rays and I know there is no break or fracture. His bones are ok. He has very limited circulation in that foot, but they say it is from lack of movement. We can take care of that ourselves. Maybe I can come up with my own white trash treatment plan and have doctors refer their patients to me. Stretching would consist of weed eating and edging along the fence line. Muscle development would come from unloading feed sacks and rooster wrangling, and I could let people pet the donkeys and sit criss cross applesauce in the pasture with the goats and call it meditation therapy.  I would call it Body and Soul Rehabilitation or B.S Rehab for short. I think I'm on to something. Do you think I could get away with a "getting in touch with your aggression" therapy and have people "work" through their emotions by cleaning out the chicken coop? If someone really has issues they can clean out the pig house. I could start a "shock water" therapy class in the pond that would work you through your fears. Fear of getting caught up in old tree snags and the patio umbrella that blew in there twenty years ago.

Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'm having a sleepover with some friends. Well, technically they're Wyatt's friends and it's really just one friend but I'll still make them sing to me and I won't have to share my box of wine with them and after they go to bed I can finish off the cake by myself. I decided to give myself Weight Watchers this year because I'm tired of being a big fat fatty and then maybe for Christmas I'll be tall and thin and get myself a boob job. A girl can dream... Can't she?

Tomorrow I'll tell you a funny story about a black and white dog and a skunk.

Another Day Another Doctor

Today is another doctor day for Wyatt. A pediatric orthopedic surgeon. I think we should have been seen last week, but no one ever called us to schedule, so when the office called yesterday to make him an appointment in mid June the receptionist asked what he was being seen for. Since we don't have a diagnosis she asked if he was "weight bearing" and I said no and she said "we'll see you tomorrow." Funny how that works.  I wonder if would work at the Lady Parts Doctor. Try it sometime, if they tell you the doctor is booked out two weeks tell them your not "weight bearing" and see if they get you in for that pap any sooner.

Wyatt really enjoyed being back in school yesterday. He said he got pretty tired and ended up taking a nap on the cot in the storage closet nurses room during lunch recess, but other than that he had a great time. I picked him up after school and took him to a late lunch early dinner at his favorite restaurant and he thought that was great. He's home today because the entire fifth grade (I think all sixty or so of them) are going to a concert at the high school. Since he can't do buses or stairs and has an appointment this afternoon he bagged out of school today but is super excited to go back tomorrow.

Did you watch American Idol last night? I love both Lee and Dreads, but I have really been pulling for Lee to win. Last night changed everything when Dreads pulled out three FABULOUS performances. I'm pretty sure she's a shoe in to win!

Ummmm... I ordered my birthday present yesterday and it should be here sometime this week. 6 and the kids are going to be so happy they got me something SO great. I was SO surprised when I ordered it for myself from them and really touched by their thoughtfulness. I don't want to tell them what it is though because I really want it to be a surprise. I will give a hint though, it's two and it's blue. I'll be sure and post pictures as soon as it arrives.

A Day Without Wy

Do you hear that? It's the refrigerator. Nothing else, just the refrigerator. No cartoons, no Mom I needs, no Mom will yous. Nothing, silence. I don't know if I like it.

Wyatt went back to school today and he was so excited and I was so excited and maybe a little bit worried and maybe kind of sad, but mostly happy for him that he will be with his friends. I talked to his teacher a little and she said that he had finished all of his testing before he became incapacitated and he is for sure moving on to the sixth grade. That was a huge relief for both of us. She said she didn't really want to go back through the lesson plans to get make up work for him but told me they had been studying Oregon History and geography so I think I'll check out some books and see if I can find some videos on Oregon History. Isn't there a video game about the Oregon Trail? I think there is. Learning at it's finest... Through video games.

Wyatt and I tried to watch almost an entire season of lost on Sunday to prepare for the finale on Sunday night but fell short of our goal. We haven't been watching since the beginning but have watched up to season six on Netflix Wii and then we were getting all of season six on Hulu. I'm glad we did it that way because we have never had to wait a week or or a summer to find out what happens next, but it has been a full-time job making sure we don't find out what happens in the final episode before we watch it ourselves. I liken it to trying NOT to find out who won the Super Bowl for a week after the game. So whatever you do DON'T tell me anything!

I had Buddy to the vet yesterday, I think he has something stuck in his nose. Grass maybe. Does anyone from the nail shop days remember Blond Connie? She had a Bichon Frise named Comet that got a pine needle lodged up his nose and then blew it out like a month later all snotty oogy gross. I don't want some groddy snot ball on the rug, plus the fact that he's turned into a mouth breather because his nose is plugged so thats why I took him in. They prescribed antibiotics hoping that will take care of it and if not, they have to "scope" him.

I know everyone probably saw this picture and these videos on facebook, but I'm posting them again just because I can. The chicken video is of Wendy trying to look at Fracks "babies" that are really just rocks, but Frack gets really mad at Wendy and starts pecking her. Funny.

This is Buddy "herding" the cows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc-XHyPaswQ

And this is Wendy and Frack

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAcMnDEhOQ

I hate my "cakle." I swear, is there anything worse than the sound of your own voice!

And this is just a picture after the rain...

Please Hold

We'll be getting "Lost" all day today, so if anybody needs us please wait until tomorrow!

Photo's courtesy of  Cake Wrecks!

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Random...

What a day! Started off meeting Carlos the landscaper in the POURING down rain. Carlos will be doing my edging and weed eating twice a month and mobile spaces maintenance once a month. That is a very good thing. He also said he will set the pool for me when the time comes. Then I got all of my paperwork finished for everyone in the mobile spaces including the lease for the new family moving in. Then Wy and I went to Five Guys Burgers and Fries for lunch. Yum-E. Then we returned the wheelchair that he had been using. Then we went to the glasses store where I returned those stupid progressive bifocals and ordered regular lenses. Then we didn't go to Costco because I forgot all the bad stuff that I got last time that they told me to put in the freezer until I came in again. Then we went grocery shopping. Then we went to the post office and mailed a bunch of junk. Can you even believe I got all that done the same day that Google decided to post Pac-Man on their page?

Let me tell you about the coolest thing that happened today. On our way to town I stopped to check the mail and found a card for Wyatt. It was a get well card signed by every guy in 6's unit in Iraq.

I. Could. Not. Believe. It.

Wyatt was absolutely beside himself and in total disbelief that people he had never met cared enough to send him something. He read the card the whole way to town and back. I guarantee he will treasure that card the rest of his life. Or until he loses it. Just kidding, he won't lose it. For a while anyway. KIDDING.

My fat lady summer clothes arrived today too! I finally broke down and decided I will never be tall and thin again so I might as well get some clothes that don't make me look like a bratwurst. I would rather be fat in clothes that fit as opposed to fat in clothes that used to fit. As far as fatty clothes go, their pretty cute. A couple skirts, two pairs of capris and some cute tent tanks.

Ok, thats enough, I have to go play Pac-Man.