This & That

I wonder how many times I can vow to keep current on the blog...

Pooter is sick. Last Friday he was trying to jump up on the bed and couldn't get off the ground. We figured it was a weight issue, helped him up and didn't give it another thought. Saturday he was walking wonky. Sunday he wasn't able to walk or even sit up so first thing Monday morning we were at the vet and they think he has a slipped disc. Pooter needs his own pharmaceutical cabinet now and will require a twelve step program to get off the "junk" by the time this is over and Wyatt can forget about those two years we had planned out for him at the local vocational technical institute because veterinary care ranks right up there with the cost of neurosurgery and I figure we will all be eating cat food by the end of the month.



While I was in the Vet's office with Poo on Monday my cell phone rang. I silenced it and like a real jack ass said, "haha, I hope that isn't Wyatt's school calling." The phone immediately rang again and it was 6 asking why I didn't answer the phone when Wyatt's school called. Turns out, Wyatt got broadsided by some moose while playing four square. Wy landed hard on the black top with two tons on top of him and was pretty banged up and I'm fairly certain he had a concussion considering he broke out in a shirt drenching sweat and his pupils were the size of dinner plates. I called his pediatrician and she said to take him in to the E.R, but we don't have insurance so I decided that since I watch a lot of doctor shows on t.v I could monitor him myself. Lucky for us he came through like a champ.

Today is the first middle school dance and Wyatt and LeeAnn are going together. Afterwards, she is riding the bus home with him and spending the night because Friday night is swim night at the Molalla Pool. I bet Wyatt is the only kid who's date for the dance spends the night :)



Wendy moved back in with her douche bag boyfriend and thats all I have to say about that.

I made a heart wrenching decision to sell our goats. There was no way we could keep them separate from the chickens OR out of the hen house. We tried moving them to another part of the farm but they wanted to be with the hens and would escape from wherever we moved them to. I either had to pen the flock or sell the goats. It makes my eyes leak when I think about them, but they ended up with a really nice family on a goats only compound. The reason they are a goats only compound is because they used to be a goat and one mule compound but they traded their mule for our goats. So now we're down two chicken feed eating goats and up one hay burning mule. I'm not sure who came out ahead in that deal.

This is Molly our new senior spotted mule ❤



I have to go to trailerpark school tomorrow. In the state of Oregon if you have four or more mobile spaces you are considered a trailerpark and have to register with the state and go to school every year. I'm ok with it because the last family that moved in turned out to be a bunch of a-holes and I need to learn what the laws are when it comes to dealing with trailer dwelling douches.



I made some deelish pumpkin spice soy candles yesterday and now the house smells soooo good.



My friend Linda over at Fat Cat started making crochet jewelry and so of course that meant I had to make some too and now I can't stop making it. I need to get some big girl beads though.

I'm using wire and hemp and loving it!



And.... I made another rug! I started AND finished it in TWO days. Better than the four months it took me to finish the last one.



*Fat Bottom Blog word of the day is douche

douche |doō sh |noun

A person who exhibits douche like behavior

ORIGIN mid 18th cent. (as a noun): via French from Italian doccia ‘conduit pipe,’ from docciare ‘pour by drops,’ based on Latinductus ‘leading’ (see duct ).

Potty Talk

I have a HUGE idea!

This is monumental.

Seriously.

You know how when you're nursing you aren't supposed to drink coffee because the caffeine goes straight to the baby? Same with soda pop, spicy foods etc...

Ok, so listen to this... What if I mixed finely ground espresso with my chickens layer pellets?

They would lay espresso eggs!

I could sell them to Starbucks and here would be the ad campaign...

Are you tired and hungry? Try a Starbucks Espresso Egg! Protein and caffeine at your fingertips.

I told you this was big! Starbucks could even put their swag on my eggs.

Here's a glimpse of my vision...



Can you even believe it!

I'll let you know how it goes.

Today I'm on the hunt for a Honey Bucket. I want one to use as a school bus shelter for Wyatt at the end of the driveway. I think I found one in Vancouver, but I would like to find one a little closer to home. You would think those things would be all over the place, but trust me, they're hard to come by. Remember last spring when I got the toilets to put outside the gate to use as planters? Well time and energy got away from me and the flowers I planted soon died so I filled the potty planters with fake flowers from the dollar store. They are a beautiful burst of color that I can easily change out with the seasons and trust me when I tell you the people in the neighborhood LOVE them! I even get phone calls and messages of gratitude, and passers by slow down to tell Wyatt as he gets off the bus how much they LOVE the faux foliage, so I think that continuing with the latrine theme will be a huge hit. I'll be sure to post some photos of the finished project.

Speaking of projects, I'm crocheting some great grocery totes. I think it would be swell for all of you to join the Ban the Bag campaign and to also ditch the water (all plastic) bottles. Here's a link to the Ban the Bag page and here's a link to Ban the Bottle . Make a difference, it just feels good. I'm also making some sooooper cute slippers that Wendy thinks are dumb but I think she's dumb so whatever.

*Espresso Eggs are a Trademark of me :)

Friends and Family

Everything is so quiet today.

I feel like I should be in  a commercial for a Bose noise blocker.



Really though, since I'm still lounging around in my robe and rubber boots I feel like some loony old woman ditched in a home after the family left. You know, like it was all good and fun when everyone was here but now I just sit and look out the window and wait for them to come back...

Lucky for me 3:15 rolls around pretty quick ❤

Ummm... Ok, so listen to THIS!

6 and I were in town last Thursday and my phone rings while we're in the paint section at Bi-Mart. It was Wyatt and from the sound of his voice I thought a goat had chewed his leg off. He was so hysterical I couldn't make out a word he said except for... Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Maybe you should sit down....

He said.... "Wendy is here she's moving in!"

I almost threw up right there in the rattle can aisle.

I told him I had to finish my shopping, but what I really meant was I needed to peel myself from the floor and make a trip to the ladies room.

All kinds of things were running through my mind. What had happened? Why was she home? She hadn't called to say she was coming or needed help packing. Other than Wyatt melting down things sounded pretty steady at the house, there wasn't any crying and it didn't sound like Jesse Ass Face Butt Hole Boyfriend  was there causing a commotion.

What was up?

OMG, was she pregnant?

I was scared to go home.

6 and I walked around Bi-Mart for awhile and then decided we needed to go face things head on.

Shit, I left the hose on, BRB...

Ok, where was I?

Oh... So we got home and there was Wen sitting on the porch laughing with some lady and Wyatt stuck to her side. The lady stood up and walked over to me and gave me a hug and said, "I brought your girl home." I thanked her, but wasn't to sure if I was really thankful or not. Remember, it's been a pretty f'ed up two years and our last meeting really sucked.

Wendy was really calm and told me she had "just had enough".

Really?

Just had enough?

Shit, I "just had enough" about a year and ten months ago.

My apologies go out to all of you who were with me during the Jack years. I imagine you're pulling your hair out and writhing on the floor as I recant this story, but now I understand that karma is a bitch and I guess I had this coming.

Wendy now lives upstairs with her brother stuck to her backside. She is doing really well in school and I think she is heading down a really good path that I hope will lead her to wonderful places amen.

Trina and Chrissi and the kids arrived on Friday, and we had SO much fun!

The kids loved the animals ❤



And we made ice candles...



And did some trailer park tie dye...

And then this happened...
And then this...

Oh well, other than the fact that I was a helmet wearing window licker all the next day it was SO worth it!

There was a lot of life going on here last weekend,

so I guess it's ok if things are a little quiet today :)

I think I'll go get dressed now.

Procrastinating...

Ugh.

I should be getting ready for the carpet cleaners. I decided to have the floors done before the weekend because the rain is supposed to start next week and I don't want to have fresh carpet and fresh mud all at the same time. 6 did all of the heavy lifting last night but I still need to do the little pain in the ass stuff like move plants and clutter butidontwantooooo. I would rather crochet or play Bejeweled or make soap or poke my eyes out with a stick. What is my deal anyway, why don't I ever want to do anything I don't like to do? It's a real shame that there isn't some type of job I could go to every day where everything is all about me having a good time. Maybe I already have that job, but I don't think so because theres still a bunch of dumb stuff I have to do like laundry and getting dressed.

Trina and Chrissi and the kids will be here tomorrow!

Ok... I have to go or the junk won't be off the floor and the carpet guys will probably get mad and think I'm some sort of lazy slob.

A Lot of Nothing

Is it creepy that Wyatt is finding rocks in the yard that he can pick up with magnets?

Should I have the carpets cleaned before our company comes for Labor Day weekend or after?

Wyatt missed the bus this morning because the clock on my computer was ten minutes slow. I thought I was playing Bejeweled for a long time and then the bus passed the house and I knew I had played Bejeweled to long. Oh well, I got to see some other moms who had apparently also been playing Facebook games to long because there were ALOT of moms dropping kids off at school this morning. Maybe because it's such a long bus ride from anywhere to the school. Wyatt needs to be out the door by 6:40 and school starts at 7:25 and the ride home is even longer. Have you ever noticed the cars that people drive when you drop off or pick up at school? I noticed today that most of the cars were trucks like ours. You know, the four door trucks. Not many mini vans, a few SUVs, not very many cars and no hybrids. Interesting. Especially since Portland is such a green city and Oregon as a whole is pretty with it when it comes to conservation. I guess Molalla didn't get the memo. Did you know that Oregon may be one of the first states to ban the plastic grocery bag? I'm totally in favor of it, banning the bag that is and if you have to use them at least recycle them. I made my sister a HUGE grocery tote out of more than 200 plastic grocery bags. I wish I would have taken a picture of it, I swear you could fit two kittens and a goat in it. I used my rotary cutter and stripped all the bags and then crocheted them into a hobo kind of tote. Maybe I'll make another one. I get the bags from the recycled bag bins at the store.

I wonder when we should take the pool down.

I'm going to try a new no bake cookie recipe today.

I am so bored now that Wyatt is back in school.

If he can't participate in P.E at school, do you think he should take riding lessons or swim at the pool a few nights a week? Maybe he should do both. If I took him swimming I could hurl my fat ass into the pool too. I'll look into swimming. And continuing riding lessons.

School Days

Ugh. I'm sitting here with an oogy belly wondering what happened to summer. How can Wyatt possibly be back in school already and an even better question is how can he POSSIBLY be in middle school! I know this sounds hoaky, but it really does seem like just yesterday that I was just starting middle school. I remember my fabulous first day of school outfit and my shoes... OMG, my shoes. They were high heeled Famolares.

They were SO cool.

Ok but anyway this is about Wyatt not me, well really it is about me because I'm his mother and I'm the one that got ditched when he went to school this morning. Is the View back on live? They have been in reruns for the last few weeks and I could really use a morning shot of the ladies bickering to take my mind off things. Ok, ok, ok so about Wyatt... He looked great today in his new school clothes. This is the first year he's given a rats ass about how he looks. Before, I always picked out his his clothes and decided what he's going to wear and then he rolls out of bed, may or may not remember to brush his teeth and heads for the door. Not this year. He had to have brand name clothes and shoes. Good bye Payless Shoes no name brands for $14.00, hello Nike and Vans for a $bazillion.00. Good bye Tuff Skins, hello Levis. Good bye healthy clean air, hello Axe. My hair gel? Really? I have to say good bye to MY hair gel? Well, not like I use it, but do I have to turn it over to my SON? How did this happen.

Here he is with his merry band of well wishers behind him...



Doesn't he look thrilled? I'm glad my Dads not around to see that I cut off his feet in the photo... He'd say "Dammit Marilyn, look at all the room at the top of the photograph and you cut off his feet. You have. To center. Your subject."

And of course the traditional in front of the truck first day photo (notice the centered subject?)

Anyway, I won't see that mug around here again until about 3:30 this afternoon. What should I do. I think I might spend the day snacking and watching trashy daytime television and not stress myself with anything productive until tomorrow. I need a little time to adjust.

Saturday Stuff

Ahhh... A quiet Saturday morning all to myself. Nothing but the sound of a barking dog, braying donkeys, crowing roosters, honking peacocks, mooing cows, bleating goats and one little lambs bell! Wyatt is off on an adventure with his Grandmother today, and if you've ever met my Mother you know that "adventure" is an understatement. They have big plans to grab some  coneys for lunch, hit up the craft store and pick up some prescriptions and produce. Every eleven year old boys dream day. I kid, he really is excited. 6 is running the trucks through DEQ this morning. In Oregon (maybe everywhere) you have to make sure your cars and truck aren't polluting pigs on wheels and before you can renew  your license tabs you have to pass an inspection. It seems the farm truck walks a fine line every year, but somehow passes.

The big news in the barnyard this week is we have a hen who has been sitting on eggs. No, not Frack, who as you may remember was sitting on rocks, but Red who sits on actual eggs and she managed to hatch out two of them! The first one out was strong and strappy, but the second one to crack was cold, lifeless and kind of oogy. Wyatt and leeAnn scooped her up and ran into the house where I quickly placed her in a preheated oven and commenced chicken bake 2010. I rubbed her and turned her so as not to overcook one side of her and within an hour or so she was rolling around with eyes opened and feathers fluffed!



We have to keep them in a box under a light instead of with Red because they would surely be smashed by the menagerie if left in the barnyard.

Heres a picture of  them today at three days old...



So I listed Snowball the white donkey for sale on Craigslist last night. I got quite a few responses but one in particular from a really nice lady who knew alot about donkeys so I decided she would be a perfect home to adopt Snow out to, but something terrible happened... Wyatt had a emotional breakdown of mammoth proportion (donkey pun intended) He turned on the waterworks and had me feeling like the cruelest mother in the world. I instantly had visions of him being featured on Animal Hoarders fifteen years from now explaining the reason why he had fifty eleven cats and twice as many ferrets living in his single wide with holes in the floor was because his mother sold his beloved donkey. I tried explaining to him that we never planned on getting another donkey and that the only reason we got Snow was because she came free with Joe and was mangey and hungry. He wasn't having any of it. The tears kept coming. I finally wagered a deal with him to keep Snow, but Dan the Ram had to go along with the newly aquired anti-social llamas. It took some quick thinking on my part, but we eventually struck a deal. The llamas (not Tina) have been voted off the Island along with Dan the Energizer Ram. We have doubled our investment in the sheep department, Dans job here is done and the snobby llamas can go guard someone else's flock.

Snowball avoided elimination ❤



I made soap yesterday, pearberry again, my favorite. I also made some pearberry soy candles which smell deeeeelish. I figure it won't be too long before I'm sick to death of pearberry, but for now I can't get enough! I really like red clover tea too, maybe I should switch things up a bit and alternate. Wyatt made some cotton candy candles that smell soooper good too.

Ok, thats all for today. I just sold a llama so now I have to get 6 to help me catch her!