CAUTION

*The following Post Contains Sappy and Self Indulged Content*

Cancer SUCKS.

Mind you, I don't suffer from the devils disease, but I have been involved in the ongoing care of not one, but two family members who have battled it.

In both cases it was diagnosed at very progressed stages.

My Dad with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and my Grampy (GK) with advanced prostate cancer.

I am at a point today where the grey clouds are forming over my head and I am having problems keeping up what is normally my bright and cheery disposition.

It's like I say, sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and then the rope catches on fire.

That's when the guilt starts to settle in.

It's not me in the fight of my life, I'm mearly a spectator holding the rally flag,

but cancer doesn't just consume the life of the person diagnosed, it holds everyone involved in it's grip.

We all survive on the encouraging words of the doctor (or crash at the lack of) and hope that the next day will be better than the one at hand.

With a little good sleep, a favorite meal, or just the companionship of good friends and family, you hope for a difference.

You start to live for the good day as opposed to making yourself live through the bad ones.

I know we are not the only family suffering through this. 

I know there are support groups.

My Dad always said, "Marilyn, you don't need to re-invent the wheel."

I know to take things one minute at a time when one day at a time seems like to much.

But LORD why does it have to be so hard?

Even for the minutes.

Ok, please hold while I pull myself out of the ditch.............

We do have good times, even if they come in segments of moments instead of blocks of days.

We have a strong family that supports each other.

I know that theres always a hand up and an encouraging word on the other end of the phone.

There is always love.

And that's why all of this hurts so bad.

There is so much love.

How does your heart NOT break to see the person you have loved and admired your entire life succumb to this unbelievable, undignified illness.

Tune in tomorrow for your regularly scheduled programming.

Thanks for listening...or should I say reading.

Whatever.

Thank You.