Tween Stink

I just left comment 1422 over at Pioneer Woman's place.
You people really need to pick up the pace here.

Ugghhh....
Today is Wyatt's first day back to school after his week long break.
I love having him home.
I live for winter break, spring break, summer break and September still makes my stomach oogy just at the thought of going back to school. Even if it isn't me who's going back.
I would home school in a heartbeat, but I don't think I've got what it takes.
I think we would spend all of our time doing mod podge and playing poker.
Making soap and painting flower pots.
Playing follow that car.
We would end up being even more Grey Gardens then we already are, and trust me, that's saying something.

Last week we went to the white trash warehouse Walmart so Wyatt could spend his birthday gift card that he got from Grandma.
I despise Walmart.
I don't think there are words to describe my loathing for Walmart so I won't even attempt to tell you how I really feel.
But there we were, the most dreaded place on earth.
Wyatt was in heaven.
We were there at least an hour as he looked at and touched every single item or combination of items that he could afford with his card.
And this is what he chose...
Plastic bow and arrow set.
Sea Monkeys.
Axe.

Yes, you read that correctly.
I am now the pathetic mother of an Axe wearing tween.
I have learned these last few days that a little Axe is not enough, as a matter of fact I think if you're an eleven year old boy you can never have enough Axe.
When Wyatt walks in the room my plants wilt and the paper peels off the walls.
The dogs run out of the room and the pig in the pasture begins to squeal.
I am not even kidding you.
Who is the maker of this diabolical douche like substance?
I believe we could end the war on terror with one drop of the new and improved "A" Bomb.
That's right, one drop of an Axe bomb would send Bin laden out of the caves waving the white flag.
If we didn't want to drop a bomb and kill off everything in the vicinity, we could just send Osama a gift set for the Holidays and follow the Axe trail to his hideout.
If the CIA happens to be reading my blog and enables this tactic I want the credit for it.
The headline would read like this...
"Mother Of Over Axed Tween Ends War On Terror, But Still Wages War On The Homefront!"

I have to go open all the doors and windows now.
See you tomorrow.