We haven't seen each other for close to five years, and I must say it was the best visit.
It was so good to sit and talk and smoke and drink coffee on the deck just like old times,
and it's amazing to me how fast other peoples kids grow up. It seems like Joe and Kate were just little kids last time I saw them and now, their like real people.
Very cool real people.
My friend Kenna and her boys were here too.
While Val and the kids were away at the Motocross race, Kenna and the boys wheeled in for an afternoon visit.
How lucky am I!
I have been so lonely for my friends and then all of a sudden they just start rolling in the driveway!
Jarred, Kenna's oldest son (7) spent the night because he and Wyatt are best friends.
True, they have known each other since before they were even born, but I can count on one hand how many times they have played or talked.
But really, who am I to judge the friendship.
They are "best friends."
I'm not sure how the following story came up in conversation over the weekend, but it did, and really it's too good not to share.
Go warm up your coffee, it may be a long one.
This is my friend Becky
About four years ago Becky decided a good pet for Wyatt would be a turtle.
A turtle I thought... Not much effort would go into the care and feeding of a turtle.
Turtles are quiet.
Turtles don't stink.
Becky said she knew someone who had a turtle that was like seventeen years old, so obviously they're a good return on your investment.
After very little thought, I agreed and Becky and I were off to our local Pet-Smart in anticipation of the best pet purchase ever!
We walked in, and there she was, quiet in her tank, looking at us with those big sad turtle eyes, begging us to choose her and take her home and love her forever.
At that moment, I felt like the best Mother and biggest humanitarian.
Giving this poor cold blooded creature a home, and giving my son what would surely be a childhood filled with wonderful memories of he and his turtle.
We would call her "Sweetie."
As we walked to the car I reached out to hand Becky the box that held Sweetie, and as I recall, it was there in the parking lot that Becky gave her first initial cringe of fear and maybe even a wince of disgust.
Hmm... I was confused.
I asked Becky why she would encourage my to buy Wyatt a turtle if she was, might I say, a little repulsed by the animal,
Becky looked at me and shrugged and replied, "Your Kid."
We returned home with Sweetie to what I assumed would be cries of joy.
Instead, I was met with stand offishness and reservation.
My children looked a me and said, "a turtle?"
Whatever.
I liked Sweetie.
It turned out, like it usually does with kids and pets, that I was the sole caregiver and companion to Sweetie.
Wyatt would take her out to "play" but it didn't take long (usually between 31-33 seconds) for him to become bored and walk away forgetting to put her back in her house.
The search for Sweetie would then begin, with nobody wanting to be the one to find her as she would usually appear as a cold clammy surprise between the couch cushions under the cover of darkness.
Even I was a little creeped out by that.
That Summer, Becky and we'll call him "Stan" were in the midst of buying and remodeling a new home. While they did they were staying in a camp trailer that they would move from campground to campground.
They would often find themselves a little shy of the comforts of home, so Becky would come to the house and use the washer and dryer.
On one of those evenings, while we waited for her wash to finish we had decided to surf the Internet.
As I often did while relaxing around the house, I had tucked Sweetie neatly in the front of my bra where she found warmth and comfort instead of being alone in her bowl.
This was more than Becky could stand.
Too much.
Over the top.
A turtle in my bra.
I took it upon myself to decide that then was the perfect time for Becky to get passed her fear and loathing of Sweetie, after all, getting a turtle was her idea.
I took sweetie out of my bra and told Becky she couldn't have any more wine unless she held her.
I think I may have even called her names and tried to shame her into forming a relationship with Sweetie.
She had no choice but to accept the challenge.
She held Sweetie high and at arms length as she started petting her shell.
Sweetie liked that and poked her head out and looked at Becky as if to say "thank you friend."
Becky was surprised to find she was not as repulsed as she had expected to be.
Sweetie wasn't so bad, in fact, I thought for a minute maybe Becky was beginning to like Sweetie as she started softly rubbing her her neck.
Before I knew it, Becky was holding Sweetie to her face, talking smoochy talk and caressing Sweeties neck as Sweetie was bobbing her head up and down, up and down, stretching her neck out as farrrr as she could.
That's when it happened.
Sweetie ejaculated on Becky.
Becky's neck and shoulder was instantly covered in a sticky gross, white, slimy, ooze.
The situation quickly grew out of control.
Madness ensued.
Becky was screaming, tears falling down her cheeks.
I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
Sweetie was on the kitchen table sound asleep.
I wanted to help Becky, I really did, but I couldn't.
I. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing.
I have tears in my eyes and I am laughing right now.
I don't remember what happened next, and really, who cares what happened next.
My friend Becky brought my turtle Sweetie to a happy place sitting at my kitchen table while I watched.
Good enough story for me.
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