Great Aunty Tranny

I don't think I'm still sick, but mannnn, I have a cough that just won't quit.

I sound like and 90 year old man with an 80 year smoking habit.

We have a new girl in the family!

My nephew and his wife made a girl baby and she comes in right on the heels of her girl cousin that my niece and her husband made!

I'm so excited, but I have to figure out what the new kids are going to call me.

Their parents call me (crazy) Aunty M, and Wendy's kid calls me Tranny because he refuses to say gra and will only say tra and now it's just a thing that will never change, and if anyone refers to me as Granny he defends my title as though someones trying to take down the queen.

Get it? 

Tranny? 

Queen? 

So funny :D

Okay, so, I'm thinking the new kids can call me (crazy) Tranny M?

Or maybe Tranty M?

Because that incorporates the reference to the third hierarchy once removed...?

I don't know, I'll have to give this some thought.

Anyway, welcome to the family Faela Rose and Charlotte Mae, we're so happy to have you!

I'm in a cooking slump.

I'd like to think it's because I've been sick, but I would be fooling myself because it's been going on for the better part of the summer.

I made a kick ass crockpot lasagna last week, and I've made a rack or two of  really good BBQ ribs, but that's about it, everything else has sucked.

I follow new recipes to the letter, I go old school and still, I find myself feeding more to Pearl (the pig) than to us. 

Gross.

Tonight I think we'll have bologna sandwiches and macaroni and cheese.

I'm getting my soap stock built up again.

So far I have some coffee bean and pumpkin curing and up next will be some baby (for the girls) and then some Christmas soaps.

Nothing fancy, and so far nothing on the curing rack is scented, but I think I may throw some scent in my Christmas bars.

I've made some car seat size baby afghans that I need to weave the ends on and get listed and then get busy on some baby beenies for the Etsy shelves.

Maybe some slippers too.

And some rugs.

No infinity scarves this year though, I'm totally over those.

The Plague

I guess I just have to admit I'm a crappy blogger... I swear each time that I'm going to keep up and each time I do keep up for a few days, or maybe even a week or so and every day I'm always thinking to myself, "ha ha ha ha, this would be funny to blog about", but then I don't and then I pick up a sock or take a breath and immediately forget what it was I was going to blog about.

To sum things up... A lot of funny stuff has happened, along with some not so funny stuff and a lot of really dumb stuff too.

Today; I am sick and I have been sick for two days now thanks to being locked in a car with my bubonic children for eight+ hours last week. I may be dying, I'm not sure yet. I suppose if you don't hear from me again sometime within the next year I didn't pull through.

Here's something interesting... While Googling what I can take for my plague that won't screw with all my heart medication I came across Guaifenesin (Mucinex). I don't have Fibromyalgia, but did you know that there have been many studies done that are showing that Guaifenesin could be some sort of wonder drug for those that do have it? I'll give you the short story and then you can Google it yourself, but the jist of it is this, Fibromyalgia may be caused by a build up on your joints and tendons and this Guaifenesin stuff gets rid of the build up just like it loosens the gunk from your lungs. There's many opposing opinions, and so much information and the more I read, the more overwhelmed I became. I have many friends with Fibro, and all I can say is this, I have a new found empathy for all the noise and garbage you have to sift through to learn what works and what's best for you. From diets, to medications, to supplements, creams, candles and oils, I had no idea what it's like out there for all of you who suffer from this. If I was in charge, my prescription would be to eat cake and take a nap.

I found a great new DIY crappy craft to do. You do it first and let me know how it turns out, but I think they're so cool and I want to try it. Sharpie glasses.

How great are those!!

Ok, I have to go hack out what's left of my lungs, watch some NCIS and take a nap.

Facebook Fall Out

Facebook has ended our relationship. It's probably for the best, I'll move on and be more productive, until I get the hang of Twitter and then I'll be back to numb thumbs again, but for now, all's quiet on the home front.
Facebook said that since my name was Marilyn Isnevergettingmarriedagain I had to prove it with a scanned ID and other proof of identity and I said no and they said ok bye. Just like that. After nine years they just kick me to the curb AND my pages too! So, if youre a follower of the Supervisor page youre going to have to wait and see if I can sneak in some side door to make a new page, but for now it's all Twitter all the time.

I have tons going on right now. New crafts, crochet, signs, mod podge etc and I wish I knew how to sew and was already good at it. I joined an old lady group on FACEBOOK just so I could ask someone local to teach me how and now I'm ixnaed so that won't work and I'm afraid if I go on Craigslist and ask I'll get some wierdo perv who just wants to smell my feet and breathe on my neck.
I need an old lady who knows legit short cuts and cool things about sewing and not all the BS stuff that you learn at one of the craft store classes that don't teach sewing anyway. So dumb.
I wonder if YouTube has sewing classes.

It's almost fall and even though I'm not a full on pumpkin spice latte kind of girl, I do love all things autumnal. Pumpkin bread, banana bread, molasses cookies, stew in the crockpot. You know, the season of elastic waistbands, and sensible shoes. I'll try and post a link to something cool on Pinterest (not facebook because they SUCK) with every post, so here's this...
This is from highheelsandgrills.com

That's all for today, see you on Twitter and Instagram!

Old Meat and Old Cars

Captain Underpants is here today and I don't have anything planned. I think I'll take him grocery shopping with me which is probably a big mistake or leave him here with Wyatt which sounds like a really good idea.

  I'll bribe Wyatt with a pizza. 

Last time I went shopping it was just to pick up a few things, hamburger, cauliflower, bread and a head of lettuce. While I was getting the hamburger, my eye was drawn to the "Buy 1 Get TWO Free" sign and then there was this big display of pre-seasoned beef, chicken and pork, which as we all know is done to hide the oldness and funny smell, but I was going into this with my eyes open and prepared to take my selection directly home and into the freezer and tossed two chicken quarters and a twin pack of overly seasoned steak into my basket and headed for the register. Ok, so were, you paying attention up there? Cauliflower, bread, a head of lettuce and now a buy one get two deal. 

Forty four dollars and ninety five cents. Did you hear that? Forty four dollars and ninety five cents, that's $44.95. Are you kidding me? WTF? And that's what I said too because the last time I was in that store (Safeway) I bought mostly produce and was thinking about how high my total was on the way home and re-weighed all my items, and almost EVERY ONE WAS OFF! They had over weighted almost every item and I called the store out of my mind because how was I supposed to prove that! Well, they (Safeway) said they may have owed me five dollars and they would leave a gift card for me at the desk, but back to todays story... So the steal deal with the meat was, in tiny print, they all had to be the same, ie, three porks, three chickens, etc... I told her to forget it but then she couldn't do the refund for whatever reason, and I had to go to another line and have another girl, the lead checker do the refund and she refunded me twenty four dollars and something cents and I said thanks and apologized for not reading the sign and left and then as I was driving home, I was thinking to myself, forty something minus twenty something still leaves twenty something and all I have is cauliflower, a loaf of bread and a head of lettuce because I got the buy one get two and then didn't get that so I had no meat, not even the hamburger that I was originally going to buy, and how the eff does cauliflower, a loaf of bread and a head of lettuce cost twenty something dollars! That's when my eyes started bleeding. As soon as I got home I called the store (Safeway) and asked for the girl who refunded me nine minutes before and she wasn't quite sure who I was or what the return was or what I was talking about or eff squat about anything, because my best guess would be something that I shouldn't share with you. She said the accountant would have to call me back and did I have my receipt showing what I bought and I said NO YOU KEPT IT. The accountant returned my call quickly though and through my store (Safeway) card they were able to bring up my transaction and it turns out there was indeed a ten dollar discretion and now I have fifteen dollars in gift cards waiting for me at the store (Safeway) that I will use on gas because I'm never shopping there again.

Mrs. Shoes asked for an update on the hoe yesterday.

I wheeled into the park the same day of the store (Safeway) incident and no one was home, but the hoe was still there along with the front and back of a rusted out car and all it's guts. After I talked to the girl at the store (Safeway) I figured I was on a roll so I might as well just keep rolling and sent a text about the hoe and the "car" to the people in Lot #1 and said I hadn't realized they were starting a Sanford and Son operation and if I had, I would have offered them a respectable starter kit consisting of five or six boxes with as much junk as they could possibly fit in them from the barn. Luckily it went over well, because you know what they say, you can't hear tone in a text which at that time worked out best for both of us.

The hoe should be gone today or tomorrow.

Stay Classy

Get Your Sheep On

Do you keep your butter in the fridge?

I don't and sometimes it gets hot and melts and runs all over the dish and then I either have to pour it on to whatever needs butter or wait for it to harden back up on the plate over night and then the next day, even though it's still butter, it looks funny. I guess what I'm wondering here is, if butter is a dairy product, is that like leaving the milk on the counter all day in the heat and then after it's gone through some sort of funky transformation glopping it into a bowl of cereal...

We went to see Shaun the Sheep yesterday with Wendy and the child formerly known as the Kid in the Paper Pants. The movie was perfect and everything I hoped it would be. Chicken Run is my favorite movie ~ever~ which should tell you everything you already knew about me, so Shaun is an obvious favorite as well, and if you ever wondered rather you could love a movie without dialogue, now is the perfect time to find out. It held the attention of a three year old without any super hero special effects or robots from outer space, unless of course you consider rescuing an amnesiac farmer a heroic act, or a Trojan horse operated by ruminants robotic ingenuity, which I of course most certainly do.

Our old cinema has been completley redone and now has huge leather like recinling seats and a snack bar that resembles a fast food restaurant where you can order anything heated in a convection oven AND beer and wine! So you could seriously take a date to dinner and a movie for only twice what it used to cost and never have to deal with that awkward issue of speaking to one another.

After the movie, we all came back to the house and went straight to the craft and covered the kitchen table with craft chaos while Captain Underpants engaged in a battle of get the feather with Astro who is too fat to move, so that game got old fast so he moved on to paper and markers at the big table pretty quick. Wyatt started painting and Wendy printed off some fishing photos and mod podged them on canvas and then rubbed dirt on them.

SO cool!

I did what I usually do when we glue and glitter and made magnets, my favorite, magnets!

Don and Melanie, together again.

Last but not least. I made chicken for dinner, just regular old pan fried in oil no coating chicken sprinkled with some garlic salt, pepper and paprika and fried it until it was almost off the bone. I thought it would be good to just grab and eat how it was, when Wendy whipped up some Franks and ranch to dip it in and it went from good to OMG!

So easy right?

We're having it again tonight and I'll cook up extra to keep it in the fridge for snacks.

Stay Classy

No Hoes Allowed

There's a storm brewing in the park and it's with the guy who gives me the most grief and I hate having any confrontation with him because he's such an a-hole, and what makes me so so mad is that I really like his wife, and they totally use that against me. If I have a problem with, we'll call him "Bob" (because that's his name) his wife turns on me too, so then I have to deal with an a-hole and a nasty wife which totally sucks. "Bob" (his real name) has brought in a backhoe and is cutting up cars and dragging them all over his lot. Right? Are you effing kidding me? Who the F does that? I haven't made my move yet, mainly because I don't know what my move is going to be, but in a perfect world, the move would be made by "Bob" (his real name) by moving out of the park. I'm going to give the situation until tomorrow, and if his trashy p.o.s backhoe is still there, I'm gonna write him him up.

I've come to the conclusion that I like Netflix more than I like men, because when I'm done with a series on Netflix, I miss it and don't want to burn it's house down and destroy everything it's ever loved. I've started so many series on Netflix, some out of sheer desperation, they were to short, or too weird but I ended up loving them, maybe not everything about them, but enough to stick around to see how things end, and sometimes I'll even recommend them to friends when I'm finished, and  I haven't had one single husband that I would pass on to anyone I cared about. And the other thing about Netflix, is that it's all about me. If I have a busy day, I don't have to check in or explain anything, and it's always happy to see me when I'm ready. I can even switch things up to Hulu and Netflix doesn't say a word, no guilt trip, like "Oh really, Hulu again?" because I'd be all like "Yeah, Hulu can give me things you can't, like Fallon and Stewart and Schumer" but I never have to defend myself. And, Netflix is always improving to keep things interesting, and it doesn't even cost 20.00 a month, which is a drop in the ocean compared to what my last two three if you insist on counting the one I married twice husbands have cost me, and that's with added discs, so I can have Netflix three ways... DVD, streaming or iPhone. I think what I love most about Netflix though, is it's always there for me and my family, even the kid in the paper pants loves Netflix.

By the way, this is not an endorsement for Netflix, just something I was thinking about while I'm having my morning coffee with Netflix because this is the unexplainable way my brains work.

I have to go to school now, and just so you know, I am loving the classes on Treehouse and Codecadamy!

Stay Classy

Driving Miss Crazy

I told you we moved all the craft crap back from the little falling down house and I'm glad we did because now I have my mojo back. With everything in the same house again I am better able to start the two rugs I need to make and I made a batch of soap day before yesterday, the first one all summer. It's just so much easier when I can start something and then go about doing something else and pick up my project again ten minutes later instead of having to walk between houses or sit over there away from all the action here (wifi). The Etsy shop has been out of soap for a looooong time, so I'll be making a bunch of it to restock the shelves. This is the first one up, Lot #1 Tie Dye Tutti Frutti...

It's not an all fruit fusion, mostly just summer melons and it's super lightly scented. I figured the color was bold enough for a light scent. How do you like your soap and lotions, really scenty or a little scenty? I usually end up going light on all of my soaps, but then I smell other soaps that are really strong and love them. I'm conflicted.

I have two rugs I need to start, and I have them both already built in my brain, I just need to put them together, and with the rugs, starting is always the hardest part. I don't like the cutting because I'm afraid of the blade on the rotary cutter so I got a pair of those sword fighter gloves so I won't lose a finger, but the gloves are a size too big so my hands are sloppy when I'm cutting, but cutting goes so much faster than ripping, and ripping leaves strings allll overrrrr everyyyyything.

This is one I've already sold.

I know, you're probably thinking to yourself right now, "wow, if that's all this woman has to worry about she's got it made", but that's not true, I do have big problems. For one, I'm fat and have to deal with constant breast sweat and pokey underwires and two, I think I have a piano stealing vagrant living in the barn. Yes, you heard that right. A piano stealing vagrant living in the barn.

Yesterday Wyatt went to the barn to get some milk crates for his clothes, because I guess keeping your underwear in a dresser drawer is too mainstream and while he was up looking in one of the storage rooms, he realized he was standing in a big clean spot where one of those 1970's electric basement organs used to be. It didn't work and I've even tried to sell them (Yes, we have more than one. Many more than one. My Grampy was what some people may refer to as an "extreme" hoarder) on Craigslist, but seriously, who wants a circa 1970's electric organ like your Aunt Edith used to play at Christmas and family reunions. But that's not the point, the point is, how did someone back up to our barn and load up an organ and drive away un-noticed? So as I was texting Eric, the Assistant Park Supervisor to come down and walk through the barn with me, I pulled up last months power bill for the barn and it was almost TRIPPLE what it normally is. Right? So crazy! We went up and posted No Trespassing signs all over the barn, but couldn't find any evidence of anyone being there other than raccoons, possum, and skunks, and they can't read so it won't keep them out, but I have everyone in the park on high alert for any suspicious characters hauling pianos or any other goods and furniture out of the barn. I'll keep you posted of any developing situations.

Today is Wyatt's final drive to get his license. He has done so well during this entire course, that he has actually really screwed up his "poor student" standing, because, I have learned that if he likes, and is interested in something, he passes with flying colors. That's ok though, now I'll have driving privileges to suspend him from for poor grades. Sucks to be him in an Algebra class this year. 

Wendy and I are going to the Upper Left Corner of the Unites States of America to get my Mothers Volkswagen for me to use as a second car while she's in the nursing home (Another story for another day) so I don't have to drive the farm truck as a second when Wyatt is driving my car. I would look like a mountain woman coming into town for supplies if I had to drive that truck all the time, it's thirty+ years old with four different shades of peeling paint, moss growing in the cracks and bailing twine wrapped around the bumpers. My rubber boots, ill fitting clothes and bad hair do enough harm to my image, I don't need a shitty whip too.

Stay Classy~