Friday, January 8, 2010

Sunshine and Rainbows

Yesterday I ...
Fought with the neighbor who won't pay his rent.
Fought with the complicated spouse who acts like a baby.
Fought with Ex #4&5 who has drunk dialed me three days in a row.
Stepped on a tack strip before going to bed.

Today should be a walk in the park :)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Facebook Love Connections

So last night on the eleven o' clock news there was a spot on how facebook is breaking up marriages.
I can't stay awake past ten so I missed what it said, but it got me to thinking.
I know someone RIGHT NOW who's *wife has left him for her high school sweetheart that she reconnected with on facebook.
This leads me to ponder...
I purposely only post photographs of myself where I am in my DMV pose, sucked in and chin out.
Seldom do I post a below the shoulders shot and never, EVER would I post a full body in bathrobe with my hair in a top of the head pony photo which is how I look 8o% of the time.
The other 20% I am in spandex underpants, stretch jeans, a low cut ass covering shirt (to draw attention up yet away from my face all at the same time) and hair that is at the very least combed.
I highly doubt that anyone from my high school years looks at me and thinks, "wow I really missed out that twenty some years ago, but here's my chance!"
I'm sure that having four dogs who sleep in their own twin bed next to mine and the fact that I have a petting zoo in my front yard that includes a marshmallow eating pig is mighty attractive too.
Top all that off with two kids fifteen years apart in age and six ex husbands I can pretty much assume my love life is facebook proof.
So I wonder, do you know anyone who has reconnected on facebook and "hooked up?"
Did the fact that they had aged, gained weight, lost hair, been divorced, never married, had kids in prison or still lived with their parents have any affect on their love connection?
Or, did they find that the other person had only become more desirable?
A great job, no kids, no psycho ex, good credit, didn't snore, loved dogs and their parents lived in another state?
I'm just curious.

* the couple in question are actually first cousins who reconected at a family reunion after they both had children. The whole situation made me uncomfortable and she's a sloppy drunk, so really the breakup is a-ok in my book and with luck, they will both find love outside of the family.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...

Here's a news flash... For Christmas I got fat.
For my Birthday in May I got less fat and that gift kept on giving right up through October When I got the news that I was married to a felon
( he would have been a felon if my sister had let me call the police.)
That's when all the fat started coming back to me.
Entire pies longingly whispered my name, half gallons of rocky road reached out for me in the night and cookies and brownies began greeting me for breakfast and making standing dates for lunch and dinner.
Oh they made me feel good, there's no arguing that, they embraced me in their sweet and satisfying goodness throughout my days and late into my nights, and what they gave me was real.
I REALLY have a huge ass, thunder thighs and front butt.
As obsessed as I am about the food industry, you'd think I would be a harder fish for bad food to fry.
I know how our beef is raised, I know how pigs are slaughtered and I can recite to you chapter and verse the crime that is high fructose corn syrup.

The problem is, I'm a junkie.
An easy mark.
I'm weak.
So as of yesterday, (I'm at the big ONE day mark) I'm off the junk again.
No sugar and this time no dairy.
From what I read, it seems that most of us are allergic to dairy anyway.
Research says there is no reason for us to consume another mammals milk.
Eew. Saying that out loud just grossed me out.
Now I just need to find some research and literature telling me how gross it is to sit on the couch watching daytime stories and Lifetime movies.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Welcome 2010!

Ok, it's a new year.
Lets see what I can do about this business of blogging. I wish I could be more disciplined about this whole blog thing because looking back on posts past I realize how many memories I keep here.
2009 was without a doubt an interesting year.
My fourth and fifth ex husband Jack surprised us with a visit that seemed without end, my sixth husband stole (literally) the farm and my daughter and I made it through the roughest year of our extended history together.
But, surprise surprise, we all lived to tell about it. Maybe what they say about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, this too shall pass or life sucks and then you die really is true.
I just wish I could be tall thin and rich as I experience it all.
Perhaps that's the reason I didn't take out an ex husband or two last summer, I didn't want to have a double chin in my mug shots.
All I can say is pay attention if I get thin and suddenly Texas comes up short a Jackass.

2010 seems to be off to a great start though.
The house is mother in law clean (if your mother in law happens to be a hoarder), all four dogs are washed and my complicated spouse has been working overtime. So to sum things up, nothing stinks and the bill collectors have quit calling.
We have been devoting our spare time to various white trash crafts that go loads in keeping up the attractive decor of our home, much to dismay of our neighbors and guests.
Our motto is, "Our treasure is someone else's trash at our house."

So thats all for now, but I will try and see you here or over at the never blog a bit more often this year.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hmm...

Maybe I should have told everyone I'm not posting here anymore.
Not for awhile anyway.
I am posting here every day though.
See ya there :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

The rest of the story...

As some of you may or may not know, #6 is out.
My sister was here from Montana last week to close out my Grandfathers estate. Because it was time to settle the bank accounts and Mike was going to be found out, when he picked her up from the airport he fessed up to her that he had been taking money from the estate account since March. He told her it was to pay for my medical bills from my shoulder surgery last fall. He told her that insurance wouldn't pay because it was the second time I had the procedure on that shoulder. He said that collection agents were calling and threatening to garnish his wages and he didn't want me to know.
Three days later, on Monday morning, my Mom came to the farm and they all three sat around me like they were either going to tell me there had been a death in the family or they were sending me to fat camp. Either way, from the look on their faces I knew the news was going to be bad.
As soon as the words were out, I knew it was a lie. I knew there were no medical bills, we have great insurance, and wouldn't I have had some idea. Looking at Mike, I knew there was more to the story, but he wasn't talking. At that point, my Mom and Sister were somewhat defending him and kept telling me not to be so "hard on him" and that we could get through this. I kept looking at him wanting to scream and punch him in the face. He was crying and saying how sorry he was, he said he did the only thing he could think of to take care of things and he never wanted to upset me. That made me want to punch him even more.
Wendy showed up about a half hour into things. She couldn't believe what was happening either, but suggested that if I didn't believe him to call the hospital and doctors office. You see, Mike told us he got rid of all the bills, didn't keep any receipts of payment and wrote the checks for cash or to himself so I wouldn't find out about the bills and "worry." So thats what I did. I made phone calls, only to find out what I had assumed was correct. All the bills had been paid in full by insurance. Mike had stolen the money.
It turned out that the last check he wrote himself was the morning he picked my sister up at the airport. He had cleaned out the entire account. The checks I wrote for October farm upkeep had all been returned. There was no money. He had also stolen from the new account I opened for the rental spaces, had been taking cash advances from our checking account, cleaned out our savings account and been regularly taking payday loans.
I know your thinking to yourself, where did the money go? We don't know. As far as we can figure out it went to Slurpees and chewing tobacco.
By the time we were getting to the bottom of this, my sister had gone to the attorney and Mike had taken two Lorazepams and gone to bed. I wanted to go beat him in the bed with a baseball bat, but decided to call the sheriff and have him arrested instead. The sheriffs office said they were in the middle of a transport, but would send a deputy out as soon as one was available. Lucky for Mike, my sister got home first and told me to call off the sheriff because if he were arrested the farm would never be paid back.
Mike is now living in the little house across the driveway from me. He cries all the time like a child who broke the neighbors window with his baseball.
I want to throw up every time I look at him.
I look around my house and see the things that were paid for with money stolen from my family. Wyatt cries because he thinks his toys are all "stolen," and I now refer to our new puppy as the "hot dog" because I don't believe that when when you mix stolen money with your own money there is a line of what is yours and what is not. I will never again go on blind faith that everything is "o.k" or believe someone because they assure me that I can.
I feel so stupid.
I feel so betrayed.

And that my friends, is the rest of the story.