My Favorite Post

This is an old post and one I like to re-post every year in honor of my very good friend Becky on her birthday.

This is Becky.

When Wyatt was five Becky decided a good pet would be a turtle.
A turtle I thought... Not much effort would go into the care and feeding of a turtle.
Turtles are quiet.
Turtles don't stink.
Becky said she knew someone who had a turtle that was like seventeen years old, so obviously they're a good return on your investment.
After very little thought, I agreed and Becky and I were off to the local Pet-Smart in anticipation of the best pet purchase ever!
We walked in, and there she was, quiet in her tank, looking at us with those big sad turtle eyes, begging us to choose her and take her home and love her forever.
At that moment, I felt like the best Mother and biggest humanitarian.
Giving this cold blooded little creature a home, and giving my son what would surely be a childhood filled with wonderful memories of he and his turtle.
We would call her "Sweetie."
As we walked to the car I reached out to hand Becky the box that held Sweetie, and as I recall, it was there in the parking lot that Becky gave her first initial cringe of fear and maybe even a wince of disgust.
Hmm... I was confused.
I asked Becky why she would encourage my to buy Wyatt a turtle if she was, might I say, a little repulsed by the animal,
Becky looked at me and shrugged and replied, "Your Kid."
We returned home with Sweetie to what I assumed would be squeals of joy and laughter.
Instead, I was met with stand offishness and a little reservation.
My son looked a me and said, "a turtle?"
Whatever.
I liked Sweetie.
It turned out, like things usually do with kids and pets, that I was the sole caregiver and companion to Sweetie.
Wyatt would take her out to "play" but it didn't take long (usually between 31-33 seconds) for him to become bored and walk away forgetting to put her back in her bowl.
The search for Sweetie would then ensue, with nobody wanting to be the one to find her as she would usually be a cold clammy bumpy surprise between the couch cushions hiding under the cover of darkness.
Even I was a little creeped out by that.
That Summer, Becky and her boyfriend Pumpkin Head were in the midst of buying and remodeling a new house and while they did they stayed in a camp trailer that lacked many of the normal comforts of home so Becky would often come to the house and use our washer and dryer.
One evening, while we waited for her wash to finish we decided to open a box of wine and do some online shopping and as I often did while relaxing around the house, I had tucked Sweetie safely in the front of my bra where she could be warm and comfortable instead of being alone in her bowl and that, I assure you, was more than Becky could stand.
A turtle in my bra.
It gave Becky a giant case of the heebes, so I did what any good friend would do and took it upon myself to help Becky get passed her fear and loathing of Sweetie.
After all, the turtle was her idea.
I took sweetie out of my bra and told Becky she had to hold her
I think I might have even called her names and tried to shame her into bonding with Sweetie.
She really didn't have a choice, it was either be a big baby or hold the turtle.
So she held Sweetie high and at arms length and started petting her shell.
Sweetie liked that and poked her head out and looked at Becky as if to say "thank you."
Becky was surprised to find she was not as repulsed as she had expected to be.
Sweetie wasn't so bad, in fact, I thought for a minute maybe Becky was beginning to like Sweetie as she started softly rubbing her her neck.
Before I knew it, Becky was holding Sweetie to her face, talking smoochy talk and caressing Sweetie's neck as Sweetie bobbed her head up and down, up and down, stretching her neck out as farrrr as she could.

And that's when it happened.

Before we even had time to prepare ourselves Sweetie ejaculated all over Becky!

Her neck and bare shoulder were instantly covered in a sticky, gross, white, slimy, ooze. 

The situation quickly grew out of control.

Madness ensued.

Becky was screaming, tears falling down her cheeks.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Sweetie was on the kitchen table sound asleep.
I wanted to help Becky, I really did, but I couldn't.
I. 
Could. 
Not. 
Stop. 
Laughing.
I have tears in my eyes and I am laughing right now.
I don't remember what happened next, and really, who cares what happened next.
My friend Becky made Sweetie the happiest turtle in the trailer park that night, but sadly it was also the end of what may have otherwise been a beautiful relationship.

And that my friends, is my favorite post :)