I wasn't really fishin'.

Ten months ago my 24 year old daughter made  a heartfelt confession to our family.

She was an alcoholic.

She had received a DUI and her drinking and her life was out of control.

When we moved to Oregon in 2006 to care for my Grandparents she stayed in Washington and entered into a downward spiral with alcohol, but did an excellent job of keeping it from us.

She had done time in jail and led me to believe the reason she hadn't called or been in contact for over a week, was because she had lost her cell phone.

I believed her.

When she reached out to family last January her life was so out of control it scared us all, and the part that was most frightening was that none of us had a clue.

She wanted to get sober and believed with the love and support of her family she could do it.

Mike went to Washington, packed her up and moved her down and she settled into the little house next door.

She got a job, she went to treatment and things were looking up

But, as you know if you have been a reader for the last month or so, Wendy has a new boyfriend that I don't approve of and it has put quite a strain on our relationship.

She has all but moved out of her little house here on the farm to stay with "Bob" and his parents.

Last Saturday morning at 7:00 am I received a call from her boss asking if she was here. She hadn't shown up for work and there had been no call.

I assumed she had over slept and decided to give her an hour.

I called back at 8:00 and still no word from Wendy.

I loaded Wyatt up in the car and drove to town. Wyatt had been to "Bobs" once and thought he may be able to remember where he lived.

He got us to the neighborhood and in time we found the house.

We found Wendy at 9:00a still drunk from the night before and when I explained to her that she had more than likely lost her job she didn't care.

She told me she was an adult and she was in love and I couldn't tell her what to do.

It seems over the last six days I have lost my daughter.

I look in her eyes and all I see is a lost soul.

We are practicing tough love, but honest to God I'm not sure who it's tougher on. The person overtaken by alcohol living within their own denial that everything is fine, or the people that love them trying to keep together the pieces of a breaking heart.

I will start attending Al-Anon and doing what I can to cling to some kind of normalcy at home, but for now, I feel like I'm losing not just my daughter but my mind as well.

I will not be blogging until some more numbness sets in, because the only thing on my mind right now is the insanity of our life.

Peas Out

M