Hip Waders and Ear Muffs

Well, it seems as though the weather this year is going for the "shock and awe" effect.

After record snowfall in December we now have torrential rainfall, flooding AND snow.

Our county has been declared a state of emergency and it looks like the road below our house is going to wash out.

You know the neighbors  that I hate so much for what I kindly refer to as screwing the old and impaired...

The ones who practically stole the nine acres and ponds from my Grampy after my Grammy died and he himself was suffering from advanced prostate cancer.

Well, I told my sister this morning that I have decided Jesus is a lot like Santa Claus.

He knows if you've been naughty or nice and apparently he keeps a list.

The neighbors live in the "ditch" between two steep hills.

Just their house, two ponds and LOTS of water.

Mudslide amounts of water.

Flood your basement amounts of water.

Wash out your driveway and leave you stranded  amounts of water.

We live on the hill and can see and hear all the water.

Checks and balances people... Jesus pays attention.

Anyway, besides all the water, this is what I woke up to this morning.

Beautiful huh....

I'll try and get some video of the "washout" later today.

Stay tuned ;)

Some Advice For My Blog Stalking Neighbor

pRick, I really think you need to get a hobby.

Your spending way to much time on the blog.

Try Craigslist for a few hours, it's far more interesting.

Rain Dance

I woke up this morning to see the rain falling and knew it was going to be a great day!
After the last few days of heat, and yesterday being not so hot, but SO humid the rain is a welcome sight.

I went to town with Wendy yesterday.
While she was in her drunk girl school I went to visit my Mom.
We sat outside for an hour and a half and talked about dumb silly mindless stuff and it was a nice break.
We drank iced tea and enjoyed her little piece of patio paradise.

Then Wendy and I drove to downtown Portland where I have never ventured to go on my own.
I have been mind you, just always as a passenger not a director.
I was following the Google directions when before I realized what was happening I found myself heading onto the highest longest bridge in the world with no rails on the side and traffic heading straight towards me, then the bridge started shaking and stars lit up the sky in the middle of the day.
Lucky for me and everyone else on the bridge I made it to the other side.
I don't think any of the above is true, but it seemed very real to me.
The next task at hand was figuring out a way home without having to cross that bridge again.

Ok, here's the big news of yesterday.
The evil neighbor pRicks wife was walking through the pasture on her side of the property line.
I was watering the plants on the deck.
This is what I did.
I threw my hand in the air and shouted hello.
I couldn't believe what I was doing but I had no choice, I had to follow through.
As she waved back I told her to come and see the Garcia's.

Had I really said that?

I had and it was good.
We met near the chicken compound, and tension filled the air...
I extended a kind greeting towards her and acted as if I didn't know she was married to the biggest dickhead in the world. 

I could tell she was waiting, waiting for me to drop the bomb, maybe waiting for me to punch her in the face, tell her what I thought, anything other than stand before her and be nice. 

It was almost more than she could handle, she wanted to leave, to get away while the getting was still good. 

I drew out our neighborly conversation as long as I could. 

I made chit cat about the chickens and complained about the weather.

I told a few funny stories about the kids and talked about Mikes job.
It was killing her.
After close to thirty gruelling minutes, I told her how nice it was talking to her and that we needed to do it again soon.
I bet a hundred she doesn't walk that fence line during daylight again for a while.

Mike is brooding because I asked him to not interrupt me with fish nonsense while I'm writing.
I don't care that the frog is swimming in the porch pond, but he does, so I guess I need to go watch.

See Ya

Blog Fodder

I really have nothing to say today.

GK is doing well.

Quiet but feeling ok.

Mike is doing the pump wire this morning with the good neighbor.

Let me take this opportunity once again to slander the evil neighbor pRick who is at this moment sitting on his atv in the pasture monitoring the work being done.

God demonstrated his great ability to reach out and touch the evil do'ers with karma buy putting mounds of asbestos in the out of sight out of mind pile that fell on pRicks side of the new property line.

I will experience great joy in watching from my chair on the deck as he wraps everything in the pile and then again when the EPA folks come out to inspect the site >}

Good thing his wife is loaded, because that's going to cost him a few bucks!

Wendy is still sleeping after a long night of "mudding."

That means going out in some hillbilly's beat up 4x4 and trying (not) to get stuck in the mud.

I'm sure they had a wonderful time.

Wyatt wore red swim shorts to school today.

He doesn't know they are swim shorts.

I didn't tell him.

They looked good with the red t-shirt I pulled out of the drawer and I really need to do laundry.

                 BREAKING NEWS

My niece Ingrid got her drivers license yesterday!!

Congratulations Ingrid : )

Julie, don't worry, I swear she will be the safest driver to ever depart your driveway.

That's it for today, and trust me, it was a stretch to get that much.

Hogs and Donkeys

Well, it seems as though monsters have moved in to the pasture below the house.

My friends the Garcia's have "bonded" with us. 

I think maybe it was the ice cream.

Yesterday as I walked between the big and little houses they meesh-mawed me.

I thought it was cute.

Then I went in the garage and spoke to Wendy and they heard me and meesh-mawed. 

I thought it was amazing.

Throughout the day yesterday when they heard my voice on the deck, in the garage, in the driveway, they meesh-mawed. 

I was nervous.

KGerber told me last night, "don't give them treats every time they squeal, you'll create long eared monsters."

Too little information, too late.

The monsters are here.

Please don't misunderstand me, I love the Garcia's and I also love that they are so happy to see me, all I'm saying is that I wouldn't go down there empty handed on a bet for fear of breaking the noise ordinance in our county.

Ok, I'm sure your wondering how things went between Wyatt and Shannon yesterday.

It seems as though Shannon played the "I don't recall you saying anything" card, which made it easy for Wyatt to retain some pride.

He told me after that experience he thinks it's better they simply remain friends and forget about the romance.

I agreed with him.

Did I already tell you Val started blogging?

www. click here dot com

Check it out, and of course if your a "MottoFamily" there are links to her "MottoSite" there as well. 

Why is it Motto not Motor?

Mike has gone down to the neighbors to see when he can start digging the ditch for the pond pump wire.

We are in a race to beat the neighbor pRick since he called a fence company out.

Interesting how he's had the property for over a year and the day he finds out we have to run wire he calls for a fence to be put in.

Hog pen on the fence line.

Hog pen on the fence line.

Hog pen on the fence line.

That's my calming mantra.

If I'm really stressed it goes like this.

Hog pen and flood lights on the fence line.

Hog pen and flood lights on the fence line.

I have to go find a canvas and some marshmallows.

Ciao'

The Day After

All's calm on the farm today.

I just can't stand that neighbor and find myself counting the days until the neighbors wife goes in search of a new husband.

Anyway, I'm over it.

Wyatt is home from school today suffering from crusty eye and mouth syndrome.

He really strugles durring allergy season.

He took a Zyrtec before bed last night, but apparently that wasn't quite the kick he needed.

He can be snotty and scratchy in the bed today watching the 42 hours of Power Rangers he has DVR'd.

Mike entered into a battle of strength with the ditch witch this morning and I am sad to report he was badly defeated.

He just left to return it in town and has made contact with the good neighbor in regards to some excavation work the first of next week.

The pump saga continues.......

Wendy worked last night, so no news from across the driveway yet.

Mike is concerned that she may never find a husband due to the fact that she unconsciously launches spit bubbles from her tongue and walks around with toothpaste on her face. 

I still grasp to the adage that there is someone for everyone.

If not, she can just live across the driveway and turn into Wyatt's crazy older spinster sister who slings beer and smokes (and blows bubbles.) 

GK is on his game today. 

I think the row with the neighbor got his blood warmed up and gave him something new to think about.

That's a good thing.

Today is wash the floors and dogs day, gotta go.

UPDATE

GK went down to pRicks house and he backed down like a mouse to GK.

He kissed his ass and poured him a drink and said whatever GK wanted to do was fine with him.

It's like I told GK, if that Jackass had enough in his pants to stand up to him I would have at least had respect for the weasel.

He folded and cried like a little girl as soon as he saw GK.

I swear, someday we'll put flood lights and a hog pen on that property line.

Until then, I'll just send him lot's of bad neighbor JuJu.

Pond Wars 2008

Breaking News

The neighbor Rick who bought the nine acres and pond last spring blew a rod this morning when Mike told him the pump had been repaired.

He told Mike my Grampy was a FOOL for spending the money to replace a pump that would have to be removed in a few years.

He also said we couldn't run a line through HIS propety unless it was done by code and with permits.

Mike kept his cool and told GK what had gone on when he returned from town

GK then got back in the goat wagon and went to have a "talk" with the asshole neighbor.

I hope GK punches pRick in the face.

Stay tuned.